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Well. That was unexpected.

I've described how the news was broken to us HERE. Please read it, I'm not in the mood to type it out again here :P

And you can read what the media has to say about it HERE. And HERE and HERE and HERE and all over really.

We all knew that something was going to happen, and that it wasn't going to be good. The main theories had to do with downsizing or being sold off to another company. Turns out it was even worse than that.

(Let's see now if I'm asked to take this photo down. Place your bets!)

The day after (today, Sunday) we had two shows. As I type this we've done one, and it was extremely difficult. I don't know how people are running out onto the floor and performing with big smiles on their faces. It's gotta hurt.

It also hurts that now, of all times, there's this giant audience. Clapping and screaming and cheering. At the moment it feels like being surrounded by a bunch of vultures, or rubberneckers trying to catch a glimpse of the dead bodies in the road. And I'm sure this level of "enthusiasm" will continue to follow us as we die out. People are gross.

Anyway, I didn't want to be dark about this, but it's been less than 24 hours and like most people here I did not get much sleep last night. I'm feeling bitter about a lot of things. I'm worried for my future. I'm sad for all of us. I'm angry at how the news was delivered, how things turned out, all of it.

That said, I can't deny that it's been a privelege to work here. I am so glad that I've kept this blog, and documented every week as thoroughly as possible. It will be a great set of memories to look back on. Not many people can say they lived on a train, danced with clowns, walked with elephants. It was wonderful, and unfortunately, those who come after me will not have the opportunity to experience it. So I will treasure it, knowing that I am one of the last to do so. Wherever I go from here, I will carry five years of circus magic with me. And I can't thank Feld enough for that.

At the moment I feel like there's not a whole lot to say. There were warning signs that something like this might happen, but again, I don't think most suspected a plan to totally do away with Ringling Bros. The band had just started negotiations with Feld and were waiting for our next meeting date to discuss a new contract. Heck, we just hired a new female Ringmaster (who I hope will be compensated for the trouble of quitting all of her jobs for this gig). But despite all the warning signs, I think we were all convinced that none of it meant "The End". After 146 years, really?

But yeah, as any musician will tell you, all gigs must come to an end.

So I suppose next week we are to sit down with people from HR and other departments to figure out any kind of severance, incentive to stay through May, etc. I imagine that most troupes will stay through the end...it's probably beneficial to do that. But the band doesn't have an active contract, so I don't know what we should expect.

Each of us has a lot to do. I have to find a place to live, look for jobs, retrieve my car...all kinds of things. Jameson is busy doing the same, but being the incredible thoughtful boyfriend that he is, he is including me in his job searches and in his plans. What a great guy <3

I will continue writing my blog up until the last day, and I'll maintain it after leaving the circus. I'll do my best to show what it's really like around here. Oh, and now that there's no incentive for me to keep quiet about certain things, here goes:

The Truth About Ringling's Circus Animals and The People Who Train Them:

THE ANIMALS ARE NOT ABUSED. RINGLING'S ANIMAL SPECIALISTS ARE PROFESSIONAL, SKILLED, GOOD HUMAN BEINGS.

Oh, sorry! Were you expecting some scandalous revelation?

My opinion on this will not change despite the fact that I've lost my job. In five years here I have never seen any animal abuse, and no amount of PETA propaganda will convince me otherwise. Just sayin'.

Now we have a show to do, and then another on Monday. Then the job hunt begins.
Tomorrow I'm going to share the post I'd originally written to go up today, before I knew we were all getting canned.
Please enjoy as over the next few weeks I document the final days of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

See you down the road.

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Hey Megan, I'm honestly just as upset as you are. When the show comes to Atlanta Im coming to all 3 shows for that day. I was hoping I could one day be able to work for the company I loved so much. I support and stand behind you and the rest of the GSOE 100%.And I know that violence isn't the answer to any question but if one of those vultures they call activists disrespects RBBB in my presence I have to knock all of thier teeth out. In advance though thank you for putting your all into those shows,you're well appreciated

Thank you.

I'm Sorry about that comment but I was full of rage and sadness at that moment,I really appreciate all the performers from the band to the backstage staff. I'm really gonna miss it, It's been the highlights and greatest moments of my life and has inspired me so much.

Don't be sorry. I've been raging out on social media all day. I know it doesn't accomplish anything at this point, but I figure if I get it out of my system I can move on. I am very careful to stay inside the arena, because at this point there is nothing preventing me from getting into an altercation with one of the ignorant sign-waving fools outside. I'll wait until I calm down!

Thank you for your kind words <3

I am heartbroken, even tearful over this, for you and all the other wonderful performers. I am so glad we got to see the show last year, and when tickets become available locally to me (this Tuesday) I plan to do my darndest to get some. One more time before the show ends.

I wish you the best of luck at finding future employment. And I do hope you will continue to blog even after the show is over.

Hey there. It's ok, we'll live. Just sorry it had to end this way.

I hope you're able to come to a show.

I'll continue to blog, though maybe on a different account. We'll see.

Thanks,
Megan

You forget, I'm an old carnie. I know what a show family is, I know how people are born to it. When I heard it on the TV news last night, all I could think about were you and the other performers, where are they going to go, what will they do?

I am also a huge circus fan, and the loss of such an institution as RBB&B, is... I'm at a loss for words.

Yeah, I did forget.

It sucks.

When I am done crying, I will figure out what to do. At least I speak english, and have friends in the states, and the ability to work any entry-level job. Others are not so blessed, and I worry for them.

I've followed your journal for a while and have really enjoyed it. As soon as I heard the news i checked your journal. My heart went out to you and all of your coworkers immediately.
I've enjoyed the circus my whole life, and your journal brought a whole new joy to that seeing the behind the scenes workings. I loved seeing someone who had true passion and joy with their profession!
I hope the next few weeks and months are an easy transition for you. Best wishes to you and the rest of the crew! I will never forget all the wonderful moments the circus bright to my life. Thank you so much.

I'm so glad that you've enjoyed my blog. I'm happy I got to share this fun trip with everyone.

Thank you very much. Here's hoping things work out!

Dear Megan, I am so very sorry for you, Jameson and all the members of the circus. You have all devoted your lives to this historic venue and will be very interested to see how Feld treats you all. Basically most of what I know about circuses is what I have learned from your outstanding stories here. I do know a little about the music business and it covers so many broad genres and venues. I really hope you can find another gig that is personally rewarding for you and Jameson. Just now I am hearing the official reports on Fox news as I type and again I am so very sorry to see this great and historic institution come to an end. I will share one link with you which I am sure you already know: https://www.feldentertainment.com/PerformerAuditions/ . I was checking your profile at LinkIn and see you have an excellent resume and feel sure you can find another successful endeavor. You are a member there of some wonderful groups that I am too and they offer some great info. Perhaps later I will send you some excellent music links after you have fully digested this situation.
Anyway, always wishing you and Jameson the very best and am confident you will have a successful and rewarding life. Have fun. be well,
Howard

I'm so SO sorry that this is happening. I've loved reading your blog about your experiences and I'm sorry that propaganda has forced this course of action. I hope that you and Jameson are able to work everything out to make the transition as easy as possible.

It's ok. It was kind of inevitable. I'm sorry this is kind of a dark post, I'll just need time to get over stuff.

It'll help to have Tuesday away from the show so I can look for work.

Thanks so much for your kind words, they mean a lot.

I thought of you immediately when I heard the news last night. Thinking of you Megan! <3

Thank you <3

I'm so sorry for what your and your peers are going through. Thank your for documenting it beautifully and thoughtfully in your blog. As a fan, I feel like I'm losing a part of my childhood that I thought I could carry with me forever and continue sharing with others. I never imagined it ending. I've been attending RBBB for most of my life. I wish you and Jameson the best, and I will continue looking forward to your blog. I hope to see you in New Hampshire this spring one more time.

Thank you, I'm very happy that you've enjoyed the blog. At this point I'm really glad I've kept it!

Yes, if we could meet up in NH, that'd be great!

Devastating. I'm sorry Meagan. I began following your blog around the time last year when the elephants left and have been hooked. Being a lifelong circus fan I was naturally drawn to it but you have an interesting perspective from the band , all the insight of the train, and also as a Union Steward. Being out here in Los Angeles --- an area in my childhood that RBBB was so popular it would play for a month--- to now--- hearing how paid off councilman KORETZ ( he was actually busted for pay offs in the la times last minth) and the PETA folk are claiming victory--- it's an awful feeling. Especially since I'm surrounded.

I will follow your blog to the end.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

Alex Smith
The Circus Report

Thanks, it's ok. We'll move on. Right now it's tough, but things will get better. I just hope the animals will be ok.

Wow, bummer that you're a circus fan in CA! That's like ground zero for circus hate. Hang in there!

Thank you for reading my blog. I'll do my best to keep up with what's happening in these final months. And now that there's no one to tell me what to and not to post, hopefully you'll see even MORE behind the scenes stuff!

I was very sorry to hear about this. I took my kids to the circus two years ago in Auburn Hills and we had a great time. Afterwards, I was googling circus life and found your blog through Quora. It took awhile but I went back and read from day 1. I've really enjoyed it. You've had a great adventure and I hope you have many more!

Awesome! I'm glad you were able to get your kids to the circus. Auburn Hills is special to us because it's usually our last tour city.

Thank you for reading and for your kind words :)

I thought of you instantly when the news hit my Facebook feed and because I know you and of the life you've shared, I've been able to reassure people of just what you've stated here. I am so sorry and did not realize that people at the company were unaware of it.

It's been a real pleasure to read your blog and I hope you'll still update. I think it's also completely fair to say that people are acting sick and like vultures - I struggle constantly with humanities pratfalls. However, I also agree that you've been leading a magical and unique life.

Cirque du Soleil managed to kill someone, but I didn't see any outrage. Their style doesn't do it for me really, watching humans doing arty acrobatics in a sensual fashion over-and-over; it's not the same as what Barnum does -- the variety, the pomp, the band, and of course those animals. I saw my first lions and tigers that way. I was disappointed that the female version of Ghostbusters, that I happened to watch last night, literally starts with a crack at you guys (about "enslaving elephants") in the first few minutes. What the fuck?

However, if you can get a job with Cirque, of course I'd be happy for you (not sure if they employ live musicians at any of their shows). I miss being able to watch Sesame Street because my family cannot afford cable and rarely ever could. But again, I wish you & everyone luck with that if it's a possibility. Interesting.

Edited 2017-01-16 16:08 (UTC)

We were made aware of it before it went to press, so at least there's that. I'll update the blog through May/whenever the circus ends, then maybe for a week or two after. I actually have another, more journal-like account here that I may switch to after that. We'll see.

I like Cirque, many of their performers have also performed with Ringling. So many people in the circus world have their origins in Ringling. This will effect all circuses.

Yeah I'd heard about that crack in Ghostbusters and that's what decided me on never watching it ever.

I will be auditioning for Cirque, but who knows if they'll have an opening. We're all looking for work and will do the best that we can. Thank you for reading my little writings thus far, it's been a pleasure getting to know you on lj!

Cirque du Soleil is not Circus. Cirque du Soleil is a theatrical performance. It doesn't do it for me either.

Megan, I wish you luck in your job search and if you end up with Cirque, awesome, I'm sure you'll be great wherever you end up playing.

Edited 2017-01-16 22:25 (UTC)

Yeah, well :P YOu're right.

I'll do my best!

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry to hear this. Both for you personally and your loss but also for how sad it is that such a tradition is ending. It's a sad day all around.

Yeah, pretty bummy. It's going to be hard to continue doing shows for a few months. But it gives us time to find something else. Hopefully the animals will be ok.

Thank you <3

You and Jameson thinking of each other for job searches warms my heart. Y'all were my fave couple on tour. Always. Love you both bunches and will see you in February when you come to NC. <3
-Maddie Poole

Aww thanks Maddie!! We're doing our best. See you soon!

I've always loved the circus especially the band. Please pass along my gratitude to your fellow musicians, cast and crew. Sorry it's ending.

Barrett

Thank you so much Barrett. Will do.

A link to a rail fan website listing the 2015 Red train is below. Your house number is included. Also, about two-thirds of the way down this page are photos of band members taken during your Anaheim visit.
The photo taken on the March 2015 trip to Huntsville is of a coaling tower. Also known as coaling stations these structures were used to replenish a steam locomotive's coal supply.
Finally, thank you for referring to rail fans as trainspotters. A lot of people, ourselves included, simply refer to us as "foamers" - after Pavlov's dogs.

Jim

http://www.trainweb.org/carl/Circus2015/

Here is an email I just sent:

Humane Society of the United States <humanesociety@hsus.org>

To
HOWARD STAFFORD

Today at 10:23 AM
Hi HOWARD, you've likely heard the extraordinary news about Ringling Bros. and its decision to shut down the circus in May. Read more on our blog»

Ringling Bros. brings the curtain down

Photos by Meredith Lee/The HSUS

© 2017 The Humane Society of the United States | All rights reserved
1255 23rd Street, NW, Suite 450 | Washington, DC 20037
donorcare@humanesociety.org | 202-452-1100

This message was sent to staffordmotion@yahoo.com.

staffordmotion@yahoo.com

To
Humane Society of the United States

Today at 10:52 PM

I have followed you and supported you for a lifetime and am so shocked that you would actually be happy about this. I personally know a lot about animals and also have a friend who has been with RBBB for five years where is no poor treatment of all their animals. You have allowed yourselves to fall for the lying propaganda from those assholes at PETA who at the top are only interested in making money and lying about animal welfare. Sadly, if this is the leftist, extremist route you are going to take I can no longer support you. Fortunately there are many wonderful groups who really support wildlife and I will continue to support them.

Howard Alexander Stafford

Stafford Farms

941 NW 110TH CT

OCALA, FLORIDA 34482-6838

Megan, so sorry to hear about this. Another case of good musicians (as well as others)loosing out on a great gig. Stick with it the best you can. Don't forget the folks that will attend and be your audience...the real reason you became an entertainer. You can do it. Good luck in your future.

Thank you. We'll be ok. It's just going to be a hard few months.

Of course we want to put on the best show we possibly can! We will do our best :)

Hi Megan,
I am a fairly new reader and fan of yours. I also work in the entertainment industry and feel deep sympathy for you and your circus family. I rarely comment on anything and prefer just to read and reflect. Admittedly, the last few days have been filled with hurt for the loss of a national treasure.

I have always loved the circus, but I am sad to say that my three kids have never been to a show. This is mainly because our budget is too tight to buy tickets. My wife and I have discussed that we are going to try our best to save enough money for tickets when you are in Cincinatti. Traveling from Wisconsin, this will be a stretch to find funds, but we want our kids to experience a 150+ year tradition and piece of history before it is gone.

Thank you for all the joy you provide and we hope that everyone will be able to keep the spirit up through the end of the tour. Please pass along my and my family's best wishes to all of the cast and crew. We will be saving up and hope to see you in March!

Thank you for your kind words. A lot of people are hurting over this :(

I'm very sorry that your kids haven't been able to see a circus yet. I was going to actually offer you my employee discount tickets, but it was just announced yesterday that employees don't get discounts any more (I'm sure the company wants to make their money before the end).

If you can't make it to the Ringling shows, the Shriners circus also has an incredible history, and they also have animals. I would highly recommend them.

Thank you again. I will perform my best and so will everyone else, for folks like you!!

Megan, You are so kind. Thank you for thinking of that offer for us, but I could not have accepted. I work at a Performing Arts Venue and as you mention in another reply, people are always trying to take advantage of my employee tickets. I would not ask that of you.

I do have a suggestion, though. I had not thought of all the RBBB memorabilia that people are asking you for. I think those are great things that you should hold on to as keepsakes for your family and future family. For other items, there is a museum in Baraboo Wisconsin. It used to be the winter home of Ringling. They have many of the posters and train cars from the early days on exhibit. I bet you anything they would love to find a home for any items coming off the tour. Then at least they will be protected and kept for everyone to enjoy. They also don't charge an arm and a leg for admission. Shame on people trying to profit off this tragedy.

For all the performers... another thought. I spend a great deal of time looking at shows to book at our performing venue. We seat 1200, so not very much like an arena, but if some of the performers from RBBB were to put together a performance, down the road, that could tour to theatrical venues, I could see many of us (theatre venues) buying the show.

A show called Circus 1908 was mounted in Australia last year and is gaining momentum to tour the USA. If you guys were to have a similar show, but being able to say RBBB performers are the stars, I could see it selling really well. My friend who runs a huge venue in Madison was planning to book Circus 1908 and we had it in our top five with shows like Chicago, Jersey Boys, and Rent . So, I see interest. If you want to know more, feel free to send me a message.

I've sent you a private message here on lj.

So you know how it is! I love bringing people to the circus with free tickets or discounted tickets! But there are occasions where I have felt like a TicketMaster kiosk!

I don't actually have all that many "Ringling" keepsakes. I've got some jackets that were made by a person here on the show, embroidered with the logo...these have my name on them so I don't think they're valuable to anyone but me. I have an elephant hair and a tiger whisker, which I keep for good luck. I have a jar of rhinestones that I've collected over the years. I have programs, but so do millions of other folks.

There are some things that I have that could be valuable or at least interesting to a museum, so I will hold onto them (was absolutely planning to anyway). I'm sure things will begin popping up on eBay once the tour closes, as employees sell their mementos and collectors try to profit from what they've gathered over the years. But many of the things I have are precious to me in a personal way, so they will stay with me for as long as possible.

I wish that we could build a smaller show with Ringling people (and Big Apple, and Cole Bros, as all of those circuses have closed this year/last year) but I think we'll need someone to organize that if it's to happen. I've heard it talked about a lot by former circus folks. The problem with a lot of the Ringling acts is that they're brought in from other countries, and when their contract ends they have to go home. Plus...there's the issue of how we'd be paid, I think...I suspect someone would have to have money to get it started.

Circus 1908 is unfortunately in partnership with PETA (http://www.broadwayworld.com/sydney/article/Circus-1903-Invites-You-to-Name-the-Baby-Elephant-Created-by-the-Puppeteers-of-WAR-HORSE-20161005) and so although I would have liked to see the show, I will not. I think there would be interest, in either a show like this or a mini touring circus, but again, I think we'd need a business person and/or a sponsor to get it started.

I hope that you don't think that because shows are overbooked and crowds filled that it's all to see the circus go. There are lots of us who remember all the times we enjoyed the circus as children, took our children and want one more time to enjoy it or two if you come close enough to me👍 please smile and give those of us who love the circus the best shows ever. I can't even begin to fathom the pain of knowing your losing your jobs, homes really and all of the animals who will not have those who love them and cared for them as much as the circus. Just know some of us are there to support you and yes cheer you on as you have cheered us up so many times.

I don't really think that, and I'm really sorry for sounding bitter about it. It may take a while for the bitterness to go away, and I'm sorry for that.

Let me explain a little about why it's hard not to be bitter at this time. When I wrote this, it had been only a few days since the announcement. During that time and every day since, including today, I have been barraged with messages from people whose only concern is whether I can get them into a show for free or at an employee discount. I am also being asked repeatedly to grab Ringling property for people (props, jackets, anything with the logo on it) so that they could either have it themselves or sell it on eBay. This is my everyday life right now. People asking me for things. People trying to profit off of the fact that I will soon no longer have a job.

In addition, there have been people who don't realize that they themselves had a hand in letting animal rights make decisions about the circus for them. These are well-meaning and good people who say things like, "I want to save the circus!" or "I would have protested against animal rights." Well....but they didn't. When the circus needed to be defended in court and in city council meetings, where were these people? Why didn't they vote against banning the circus from their town? Why didn't they write to their council members to say, "I have the right to see the circus if I choose"?

In places like California and New Jersey and many other states and individual cities where anti-circus laws were voted on and passed, laws that literally prevent the circus from exhibiting animals as is their right by US law, it was the activists who showed up to vote on that legislation. The majority of people who might have wanted to see the circus did not show up to vote. Of all the people who have written me heartfelt messages saying that they disagree with what animal rights has done to the circus, while I'm very grateful for their kind words and commiserate with them, it's still a fact that very few of those folks actually translated those sentiments into action.

And that's totally ok, I understand that for most people the priority is to feed your kids and live your life. But just understand that knowing all of this, and getting barraged with "I want" messages constantly, my perspective turns bitter. When I look out into the audience and see that we're suddenly sold out, I am seeing things from the viewpoint of someone who is losing their job largely thanks to public opinion.

I know that the vast majority of people are just wanting to enjoy Ringling one last time. I will NEVER do less than my best, because everyone in that audience, whether they are activists or circus supporters or kids or businessmen or what, ALL of them deserve the very best I can give.

So again, I apologize for my attitude and hope that everyone who comes out to the shows has a great time. My attitude will change, I promise.

(deleted comment)

Wow!!

This was fantastic to read. Thank you!

I am so sorry that you will not be able to make our last shows :( Unfortunately that is true for so many people. I almost wish they'd given us a year's notice, so we could get west. But here we are.

I am really heartbroken over having to leave the train. This was the first place where I felt I had "my own space". It is my home. I think it will crush me when my room is empty and I have to lock it for the last time. I wonder what will happen to the train. We haven't heard anything about that.

Thank you for reading my blog. I'm glad that you've enjoyed it! I am working to turn it into a book, with more embellishments, as you say. I think it will take some time and I'm not sure who would publish it, but I will work on it for the next few years and see if an opportunity presents.

My goodness...you are going to make me cry. Thank you. At this horrible time, when there is so much hate directed at the circus and the people who work here, to be told that what we do matters is very badly needed. I will probably be quoting you on that somewhere, because everyone in the circus world needs to hear it. Thank you so very much for reminding me (and us) that it's not all for nothing.

It is indeed hard to keep writing the blog. But I have to do it. People should be able to see the final days of the circus. After this week I'm going to try and make it less about what "I'M" doing on any given day and more about what everyone's doing and feeling. It's a little hard because I don't like to get up in people's faces with the camera or pepper them with questions. But I think it'll be necessary to show a bigger picture, so we can look back on it and remember.

Thank you again.
May All Your Days Be Circus Days.

Hi Megan,

This is Daus - I sold the Raleigh folding bike to you! I've enjoyed seeing you take it around the country. I heard the news and thought I would check your blog. Thanks for the truthful insights. It sounds like it will be a very trying time, but hang in there. Best of luck to the future!

Daus

Hi Daus!

Yay! Thank you for the bike, again! I haven't ridden it in a while, but I still love it and take good care of it. It's sitting in my room right now <3

Thank you for the well-wishes. Some silver lining: now that I won't be living in train yards with rusty metal and broken glass everywhere, it will be a lot easier to take my bike out and enjoy it more often :)

It's good to hear from you. Thank you and take care!
Megan

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Well. That was unexpected.

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Circus

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Thank You for the Music

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Thank you for the music

PETA AND HUMANE SOCIETY

So sad...More trained musicians loosing out.

Re: So sad...More trained musicians loosing out.

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I'm so grateful

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Heard the news

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