taz_39 | The Day Before (Reply)

Tuesday.

Could hardly sleep.
After breakfast and fancy siphon coffee, started the bagel dough.
This time I was careful to measure out a QUARTER of the dough for raisin bagels!

Most of these will go in the freezer for Jameson and his dad to enjoy in mid-October.
I'm taking one with me to the airport tomorrow, though.

When the bagels were done I cleaned up, ate lunch, and REALLY packed ALL of my stuff except for the backpack stuff.
When I was finished I weighed my large suitcase: 40 pounds! Excellent!
I added one more "nice" outfit, a sweater, and my tortilla blanket. I mean why not. Once the trombone mutes are out of my suitcase I'll have SO MUCH ROOM. Plus ten pounds of leeway apparently!

While checking my luggage I realized that each of my luggage tags had a different address on them! LOL!
One was for Feld Entertainment/Ringling, one was for my parents' house, and the other was our old address in Orlando.
So, time for a final Target run. In addition to new luggage tags I got an extra stick of deodorant, a new hairbrush, a few extra pairs of underwear, some body wash for the guest bathroom, some of the spices I'd used the last of, and a mopey-looking Eeyore keychain to hold my car key (I don't have a spare key, Jameson will need to keep it). Back home I put everything away, then cleaned up the guest bedroom and started a final load of laundry.

Final this, final that. This is so weird. We haven't had a moment to think about anything, it seems, and now suddenly a tsunami of emotion is crashing down. This whole time I've been kind of in disbelief that this is actually happening. It is still unbelievable to me that someone would ask me to go out on tour again. I've been practicing and obviously taking it all very seriously, but part of me continued to suspect that I must be dreaming all of this up. Well today it feels very real.

The hardest part is upon us. The part where we have to say goodbye to each other for a long time.
I hate it SO MUCH. I wish with everything in me that he could come with me.
Yet he's doing extremely important stuff, too. Jameson is the reason we have a beautiful house to live in. His hard work has supported both of us ever since the circus closed. And he's got goals and dreams that he needs to solidify for himself, as well.

Personally, I'm trying to see this time apart as at least somewhat good. Maybe Jameson will be able to REALLY focus on himself (I mean, once all this kidney stone business is finally passed. PASSED, get it? C'mon, I gotta try to stay positive here!).
He hasn't been very satisfied with his work lately, and I'm hoping he can find a new creative outlet, or some new prospects, or something to really ignite his passion and enjoyment. It's been such a rough year for him...I just want him to find some joy, and peace, and fun.

But there are still hurdles ahead. After dinner the urologist called; Jameson's surgery is scheduled for Friday 10/8. We don't know what time yet. I'll be in rehearsals all day, but you can bet I'll be obsessively checking my phone. He already has someone to take care of him for the day of and the day after, and I have their contact info, and I will harrass them. Still, Jameson is certainly nervous and afraid. I absolutely would be. And I would want my Person around.

Fuuuuuuuuuuu.

Tonight Jameson had RENT rehearsal, so I had the house to myself. Before he left he watched as I watered the plants since he'll be the one doing it soon (not like it requires instruction) and I think i saw a little emotion on his face. It's sinking in for both of us, suddenly, tonight.

While he was out I folded my laundry, took a final shower (there's that "final" again), took photos of my covid vaccination card, uploaded my covid test results (negative), scrubbed the stovetop, made myself a cup of tea, and tried not to get emotional.

Tomorrow around 11 we will load up the car with my luggage, and Jameson will drive me to the airport.

Thus our solo adventures will begin.