monday later
Mar. 2nd, 2026 09:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
summersgate
Growth. A better title was Explosion.
Why am I having so many visual migraines this week - why am I stressed? Could the US starting a war with Iran be part of it? It's always something. Humans.
summersgateGrowth. A better title was Explosion.
Why am I having so many visual migraines this week - why am I stressed? Could the US starting a war with Iran be part of it? It's always something. Humans.
monday
Mar. 2nd, 2026 08:29 amsummersgate
These are backgrounds painted with watercolor on marker paper. Now I have starts for 4 art-a-days. I kinda like them just as they are too.
*****
It got cold again last night. I have a string of holiday lights in the front window that are plugged into a thermostat that turns them on when the temps go under 20F. Woke up this morning and the window was lit up again.
I finished this Blue Fairy yesterday. The pattern didn't call for a mouth. Dave said, don't fairies eat? I think it needs a mouth too, but what kind, and where, high or low, wide or round? Maybe she needs a proboscis tube like a butterfly.
I like her wings.
We cut Dave's hair short yesterday. I saved his ponytail. He's been growing it for over 25 years and it never got very long. He thinks he looks like an old man now with short hair but I think he looks like he did when we got married. He had short hair back then.
As I'm typing this I'm starting another visual migraine. That's 2 in one week. It's hard to see what I'm typing on the screen through it.
(no subject)
Mar. 1st, 2026 04:52 pmflemmingsOnce again world events interfere with my attempts to stop drinking.
But I vacuumed and dusted the side bedroom yesterday, which made me sweat mightily and left me unaccountably stiff this morning. But then I screwed my courage to the sticking place and removed the drawers from under the futon frame so I could sweep out the dust elephants of ages. I doubt I've done this since 2020, if then. Ideally I'd push the whole frame out to get at the underparts, but doubt I have the strength for that now. Even manhandling the large heavy drawers back in place was a challenge. As for flipping the futon itself, hahaha no.
And I feel so much better looking at the clean bedroom. Cleaning always works to cheer me, and it always annoys me that it works, but shou ga nai.
Would have gone out to buy those things I forgot to get on Friday through not remembering to bring my phone, but it snowed last night, enough to coat the sidewalk. Mind, my stretch was clear because I put down salt yesterday evening against the plunging temperatures, and by day's end so was the rest of the block. But it's -6 with a wind chill of who knows what, so I remain indoors.
Dream last night of coming up my street, or maybe Christie, but there were two walkways-- the public one by the street and a private one, screened by bushes, that belonged to the (nonexistent) housing coop with its low buildings and green lawns that straggled up the street, clearly referencing the RL Bain Coop in TO. And very pleasant until a large dog came up behind me and either started nosing my bum or actually bit it, one or the other.
Enbridge did not email me a bill this month. No idea why not. They've also raised their prices. But this may explain why I didn't pay last month. I'd go back to demanding paper bills but they charge for those too.
But I vacuumed and dusted the side bedroom yesterday, which made me sweat mightily and left me unaccountably stiff this morning. But then I screwed my courage to the sticking place and removed the drawers from under the futon frame so I could sweep out the dust elephants of ages. I doubt I've done this since 2020, if then. Ideally I'd push the whole frame out to get at the underparts, but doubt I have the strength for that now. Even manhandling the large heavy drawers back in place was a challenge. As for flipping the futon itself, hahaha no.
And I feel so much better looking at the clean bedroom. Cleaning always works to cheer me, and it always annoys me that it works, but shou ga nai.
Would have gone out to buy those things I forgot to get on Friday through not remembering to bring my phone, but it snowed last night, enough to coat the sidewalk. Mind, my stretch was clear because I put down salt yesterday evening against the plunging temperatures, and by day's end so was the rest of the block. But it's -6 with a wind chill of who knows what, so I remain indoors.
Dream last night of coming up my street, or maybe Christie, but there were two walkways-- the public one by the street and a private one, screened by bushes, that belonged to the (nonexistent) housing coop with its low buildings and green lawns that straggled up the street, clearly referencing the RL Bain Coop in TO. And very pleasant until a large dog came up behind me and either started nosing my bum or actually bit it, one or the other.
Enbridge did not email me a bill this month. No idea why not. They've also raised their prices. But this may explain why I didn't pay last month. I'd go back to demanding paper bills but they charge for those too.
sunday
Mar. 1st, 2026 04:48 pmsummersgate
Blood Moon. I did this on "marker paper". Marker paper is thin but surprisingly it doesn't bleed through when you use markers on it. Watercolors don't settle into it much either. I think I will stick some in my book and experiment with it for a while. I've been thinking about the total lunar eclipse that's coming Tuesday morning. It will be in totality from around 6 am to 7 am. That sounds easy to get up for (I'm usually awake by then anyway) but I'm doubtful that we will be able to see it here - clouds and rain are forecast. It's a pretty neat thing to see. The full moon usually looks almost flat because the sunlight on it is so strong, but when it's in total shadow it looks very 3 dimensional.
Yesterday we were driving home around sunset and there was a sundog in the sky. That always feels special.
Questions For Daria
Mar. 1st, 2026 11:08 ammallorys_cameraIt was snowing this morning—of course, it was!—while I reviewed my heating expenses for February: $440 for heating oil and $153 to Central Hudson.
That's only half the heating bill for the house.
Fuckin' insane.
Central Hudson needs to be taken over by the State of New York. But I don't know what one can do about the heating oil. Except move to a warmer place.
###
My good deed for yesterday:
One of my clients was a very feisty 87-year old. She appeared primordial to me, like an ancient Baba Yaga, which may have been the racial disparity—she was Black, and I am white—or may have been due to the fact that she'd neglected to put in her dentures.
Anyway, this lady had a Cadillac healthcare plan through the City of New York, her former employer, but Medicare was still taking out $220 a month from her Social Security.
"You might want to look into that," I told her granddaughter. "I mean, it's possible each healthcare provider is providing a different set of services, and she uses both. But it's also possible you're looking at redundant costs and can get an extra $220 a month by getting rid of that Medicare payment."
She's been going to Schlock for 20 years, and I was the first one to point this out to her.
###
In other news, I will be interviewing real-life Daria today after I scamper home from the tax trenches. Here are the questions I've prepared:
1. Can you tell me your five most vivid memories of Mexico?
2. What did it feel like in your body the first weeks after moving from Mexico City to the U.S.—were you more numb, anxious, exhilarated, something else?
3. Is there a specific moment from that first year—at school, in the street, at home—when you realized, “I am not in Mexico anymore,” and what happened?
4. When you think back to meeting Brian in the PD’s office, what are the first three sensory details that come up—what you saw, heard, or felt in your body?
5. What did you think Brian saw in you, and how did that perception change over the years you knew him?
6. How did the relationship move between friendship, mentorship, and sexuality over time, and did those roles ever feel like they were in conflict?
7. Were there specific conversations or arguments with Brian that you feel “made” you—changed how you think about law, justice, or yourself?
8. Did you ever feel a power imbalance because of age, profession, or life experience, and if so, how did you navigate or rationalize it at the time?
9. When you look back now, what do you wish your younger self had known about him—or about you?
10. How did being with Brian interact with your romantic life outside him—did he complicate other relationships, or make them easier to understand?
11. After Brian died, what was the strangest or most unexpected way your grief showed up (a habit, a dream, a physical sensation, a decision you made)?
12. If you had to describe your emotional “role” in Brian’s life in one sentence—as he might have described it—what would that sentence be?
13. When you first realized you were sexually attracted to Brian, what surprised you most about that feeling—his age, his role, your own response, something else?
14. Can you describe your very first sexual encounter with him in terms of mood and pacing—was it slow and negotiated, impulsive, awkward, inevitable?
15. What did Brian do in bed that made you feel particularly seen or desired—not just physically, but as a person?
16. Were there things you only did sexually with Brian and never with anyone else, and what about him made those feel possible or safe?
17. Did the fact that you worked in the same universe (courts, law, defendants) bleed into your erotic life together—role‑play, gallows humor, power dynamics?
18. How did sex with him feel in your body—grounding, explosive, dissociative, comforting, like coming home, like leaving?
19. Was there ever a moment during sex or after where you suddenly felt your age difference very sharply—either in a good way or as a jolt of discomfort?
20. How did your conversations immediately after sex usually go—jokey debrief, political talk, silence, tenderness, scheduling the next time?
21. Did you ever feel like his other lovers were in the bed with you emotionally—comparing, competing, imagining his history—and how did you manage that?
22. Was there ever a specific fight or rupture around sex—jealousy, boundaries, pregnancy scares, STI scares—that you remember as a turning point?
23. When you think of his body now, what are the 2–3 details that come back first (not necessarily erotic—could be scars, smells, textures, nervous habits)?
24. Did you ever notice a difference between “grief sex,” “reassurance sex,” and “just because” sex with him—and if so, how could you tell from the inside?
25. How did your bilingual/trilingual brain show up during sex—were there certain words or dirty talk that had to be in Spanish or French, and if so, why?
26. Did you two have any long‑running sexual jokes or coded phrases—things that would sound innocuous to others but were charged for you?
27. How did you end things physically—was there a clear “last time” you slept together, and did you know it was the last time while it was happening?
28. Looking back, is there anything you regret not doing with him sexually or emotionally—something you were curious about but held back from?
29. Has your body ever surprised you with a grief reaction—arousal at an unexpected reminder of him, or the opposite, sudden numbness with someone new?
30. In your fantasy life now, does he still appear, and if so, does he show up more as a lover, a friend, a ghost, a critic, or something stranger?
31. Imagine you are trying to explain the sexual part of the relationship to a skeptical friend—what is the one argument or image you would use to say, “This wasn’t just another older guy using me; it was this”?
32. How did your relationship to Spanish change after the move—did it feel like a refuge, a secret, a source of shame, a weapon?
33. When did English start to feel like something you could think and feel in, not just translate into, and was there a particular event that marked that shift?
34. Do you experience different “selves” in Spanish, English, and French—if so, how would you describe the personality or emotional color of each language?
35. In simultaneous translation, what does it feel like inside your head—are you ahead of the speaker, chasing them, or hovering in parallel?
36. Can you describe a moment on the job when the emotional weight of what you were translating nearly broke your professional neutrality? What did you do with that feeling?
37. Have you ever made a deliberate choice to soften, sharpen, or slightly alter someone’s words while interpreting because the literal translation felt emotionally or ethically wrong?
38. What does fatigue feel like for you after a long day of simultaneous interpreting—mental fog, physical tension, emotional overload—and how do you come down from that state?
39. Do you ever carry other people’s stories and emotions home with you through their words, and if so, how do you protect or “clean” your own inner voice?
That's only half the heating bill for the house.
Fuckin' insane.
Central Hudson needs to be taken over by the State of New York. But I don't know what one can do about the heating oil. Except move to a warmer place.
###
My good deed for yesterday:
One of my clients was a very feisty 87-year old. She appeared primordial to me, like an ancient Baba Yaga, which may have been the racial disparity—she was Black, and I am white—or may have been due to the fact that she'd neglected to put in her dentures.
Anyway, this lady had a Cadillac healthcare plan through the City of New York, her former employer, but Medicare was still taking out $220 a month from her Social Security.
"You might want to look into that," I told her granddaughter. "I mean, it's possible each healthcare provider is providing a different set of services, and she uses both. But it's also possible you're looking at redundant costs and can get an extra $220 a month by getting rid of that Medicare payment."
She's been going to Schlock for 20 years, and I was the first one to point this out to her.
###
In other news, I will be interviewing real-life Daria today after I scamper home from the tax trenches. Here are the questions I've prepared:
1. Can you tell me your five most vivid memories of Mexico?
2. What did it feel like in your body the first weeks after moving from Mexico City to the U.S.—were you more numb, anxious, exhilarated, something else?
3. Is there a specific moment from that first year—at school, in the street, at home—when you realized, “I am not in Mexico anymore,” and what happened?
4. When you think back to meeting Brian in the PD’s office, what are the first three sensory details that come up—what you saw, heard, or felt in your body?
5. What did you think Brian saw in you, and how did that perception change over the years you knew him?
6. How did the relationship move between friendship, mentorship, and sexuality over time, and did those roles ever feel like they were in conflict?
7. Were there specific conversations or arguments with Brian that you feel “made” you—changed how you think about law, justice, or yourself?
8. Did you ever feel a power imbalance because of age, profession, or life experience, and if so, how did you navigate or rationalize it at the time?
9. When you look back now, what do you wish your younger self had known about him—or about you?
10. How did being with Brian interact with your romantic life outside him—did he complicate other relationships, or make them easier to understand?
11. After Brian died, what was the strangest or most unexpected way your grief showed up (a habit, a dream, a physical sensation, a decision you made)?
12. If you had to describe your emotional “role” in Brian’s life in one sentence—as he might have described it—what would that sentence be?
13. When you first realized you were sexually attracted to Brian, what surprised you most about that feeling—his age, his role, your own response, something else?
14. Can you describe your very first sexual encounter with him in terms of mood and pacing—was it slow and negotiated, impulsive, awkward, inevitable?
15. What did Brian do in bed that made you feel particularly seen or desired—not just physically, but as a person?
16. Were there things you only did sexually with Brian and never with anyone else, and what about him made those feel possible or safe?
17. Did the fact that you worked in the same universe (courts, law, defendants) bleed into your erotic life together—role‑play, gallows humor, power dynamics?
18. How did sex with him feel in your body—grounding, explosive, dissociative, comforting, like coming home, like leaving?
19. Was there ever a moment during sex or after where you suddenly felt your age difference very sharply—either in a good way or as a jolt of discomfort?
20. How did your conversations immediately after sex usually go—jokey debrief, political talk, silence, tenderness, scheduling the next time?
21. Did you ever feel like his other lovers were in the bed with you emotionally—comparing, competing, imagining his history—and how did you manage that?
22. Was there ever a specific fight or rupture around sex—jealousy, boundaries, pregnancy scares, STI scares—that you remember as a turning point?
23. When you think of his body now, what are the 2–3 details that come back first (not necessarily erotic—could be scars, smells, textures, nervous habits)?
24. Did you ever notice a difference between “grief sex,” “reassurance sex,” and “just because” sex with him—and if so, how could you tell from the inside?
25. How did your bilingual/trilingual brain show up during sex—were there certain words or dirty talk that had to be in Spanish or French, and if so, why?
26. Did you two have any long‑running sexual jokes or coded phrases—things that would sound innocuous to others but were charged for you?
27. How did you end things physically—was there a clear “last time” you slept together, and did you know it was the last time while it was happening?
28. Looking back, is there anything you regret not doing with him sexually or emotionally—something you were curious about but held back from?
29. Has your body ever surprised you with a grief reaction—arousal at an unexpected reminder of him, or the opposite, sudden numbness with someone new?
30. In your fantasy life now, does he still appear, and if so, does he show up more as a lover, a friend, a ghost, a critic, or something stranger?
31. Imagine you are trying to explain the sexual part of the relationship to a skeptical friend—what is the one argument or image you would use to say, “This wasn’t just another older guy using me; it was this”?
32. How did your relationship to Spanish change after the move—did it feel like a refuge, a secret, a source of shame, a weapon?
33. When did English start to feel like something you could think and feel in, not just translate into, and was there a particular event that marked that shift?
34. Do you experience different “selves” in Spanish, English, and French—if so, how would you describe the personality or emotional color of each language?
35. In simultaneous translation, what does it feel like inside your head—are you ahead of the speaker, chasing them, or hovering in parallel?
36. Can you describe a moment on the job when the emotional weight of what you were translating nearly broke your professional neutrality? What did you do with that feeling?
37. Have you ever made a deliberate choice to soften, sharpen, or slightly alter someone’s words while interpreting because the literal translation felt emotionally or ethically wrong?
38. What does fatigue feel like for you after a long day of simultaneous interpreting—mental fog, physical tension, emotional overload—and how do you come down from that state?
39. Do you ever carry other people’s stories and emotions home with you through their words, and if so, how do you protect or “clean” your own inner voice?
saturday
Feb. 28th, 2026 11:53 amsummersgate
A rainbow came to visit me while I was in the kitchen cooking lunch just now.
Visual Migraine and Interference. I had a visual migraine on Thursday. If I was to try and figure out what is stressing me (and I do believe that my visual migraines are more likely to happen when I'm emotionally stressed) I would probably pin it on worrying about Skye. She had been taking her 2 medicines in pill pockets with a little moist food around it. Then she quit eating them that way. I really don't like shoving pills down animal's throats but after a day of not getting her meds she wasn't doing so good. So yesterday I figured out a way to wrap her up in a towel and set her on my lap to give the pills. It went better than I thought it would. Within hours she had an appetite again. So that's where we are now.
Another day today of beautiful sunshine. Springlike. I saw a robin for the first time yesterday when Jan and I were walking by the river. Also I found a bluebird wing in the woods. Just a wing. No feathers, nothing else. Which is another, not so pleasant sign of spring.
Simultaneous Translation
Feb. 28th, 2026 07:57 ammallorys_camera
The chicken gurlZ have started laying!
###
And I am 90% certain that the constant dull ache in my shoulder is a well-known side effect of statins (and the reason why they have such a bad rap) and 10% certain that it is a mysterious cancer that appeared suddenly out of nowhere & will kill me in six months (so I better clean the Patrizia-torium and finish the novel.)
Since it does not seem to be resolving, I will call the cardiologist on Monday.
People with thyroid conditions seem to be particularly prone to statin side effects & I have Hashimoto's. Not even sure I would call the ache pain—it's more a thereness that never goes away, that I'm always conscious of, & that therefore messes with my efforts to lose consciousness (i.e. fall asleep).
###
Meanwhile, I went to a Schlock office every day last week and am on the schedule every day for the next week.
I hesitate to call this "work"—though I am being paid to go into the office. Mostly, I sit there and try to hide the fact that I'm reading Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil by pretending to do tax case studies. I display dense tracts on the monitors of the computer assigned to me about depreciation & passive income. See? I am studying! I want to be the best little tax preparer you've ever seen!
Sometimes, I answer phones. Sometimes, I make phone calls: Hey, former Schlock client! Don't you want to spend $250 on something it would take you five minutes to do for free-eee-eeee? Sometimes, I do actual tax returns, and those are always fun.
It all reminds me of that time in the first grade when I got busted by my first-grade teacher for reading Tom Sawyer under the table. "Patty! Put that book away and read your primer!" she'd scold.
This is seasonal work. Come April 15, I remind myself, there will be no further call for your services until next January. You are a farmer! Harvest those tax returns while you may!
I make myself as innocuous and invisible as I can. I even let them call me "Pat"! Who gives a shit? I wouldn't recognize most of the other people in these offices if I passed them in the street. What do I care if they recognize me?
###
If I were more gifted at compartmentalization, I'd work on the novel while I'm at the Schlock office.
But doing nothing eight hours a day is exhausting. When I get back to the casa once my shifts are done, all I want to do is throw fuel in my stomach & watch mindless television. So, I'm not writing then.
I'm still working out what I want to do with the next section of the novel, though. Initially, I thought the next section of the novel would be about sex, but ironically, neither real-life Daria nor real-life Flavia was having sex with Brian at the time he died. Of course, what I'm writing is fiction, not real-life.
Anyway, sometime this week, I will be interviewing (and recording!) real-life Daria at some length. Yes, I will be debriefing her about her relationship with Brian. But I also want to know what it felt like to come to the U.S. from Mexico City at age 11, what it feels like to be able to do simultaneous translation, like how do you keep from getting the languages all mixed up in your head?
(no subject)
Feb. 27th, 2026 05:28 pmflemmingsNow that the weather is on the turn, sort of more or less because March is seriously not to be trusted, I ventured out past Bathurst yesterday to Sushi on Bloor. Possibly the staff remember me even after two months, or possibly they rush to open the doors for all ancient walker-users, but I choose to believe the former and think it very nice of them. Had salmon teriyaki instead of sushi for the omega-whatevers, even though salmon is always iffy for me. Of course I then had Bailey's and vodka after I came home and suffered heartburn all night, which will learn me. But the salmon skin didn't help, of course.
Glorious sun today and temps above freezing so I hacked my garbage bin out of its snowy bed and replaced it with the recycle. Thus I needn't get out to Shoppers for garbage tags as I'd feared I might have to. I still don't have that much garbage, even though I haven't put it out since the first week in January. My green bin is still firmly stuck in the snow and will doubtless stay that way for a few weeks yet, because I still can't get anywhere near it. Things will melt tomorrow and then flash freeze on Sunday. Must keep the salt handy and possibly buy more, since All That Snow will melt onto the sidewalk--is melting already-- and then flash freeze into a skating rink.
To note in the current game of Recycle Bingo: recycle was picked up yesterday morning, so one must indeed put it out the night before and not bank on a late pickup. Except that the block south of me was still out at 4:30, on the western side, while the east had already been done.
Am wondering about a point of wedding etiquette. Suppose I send my nephew and his fiancée a cheque in lieu of a wedding present. Who do I make the cheque out to? I don't know if they have a joint account, I don't want to send it to just my nephew-- whom I haven't seen in 30 years anyway-- and I don't know if my instinct to send separate but equal cheques to each is permissable. Shall consult the s-i-l, I suppose.
Glorious sun today and temps above freezing so I hacked my garbage bin out of its snowy bed and replaced it with the recycle. Thus I needn't get out to Shoppers for garbage tags as I'd feared I might have to. I still don't have that much garbage, even though I haven't put it out since the first week in January. My green bin is still firmly stuck in the snow and will doubtless stay that way for a few weeks yet, because I still can't get anywhere near it. Things will melt tomorrow and then flash freeze on Sunday. Must keep the salt handy and possibly buy more, since All That Snow will melt onto the sidewalk--is melting already-- and then flash freeze into a skating rink.
To note in the current game of Recycle Bingo: recycle was picked up yesterday morning, so one must indeed put it out the night before and not bank on a late pickup. Except that the block south of me was still out at 4:30, on the western side, while the east had already been done.
Am wondering about a point of wedding etiquette. Suppose I send my nephew and his fiancée a cheque in lieu of a wedding present. Who do I make the cheque out to? I don't know if they have a joint account, I don't want to send it to just my nephew-- whom I haven't seen in 30 years anyway-- and I don't know if my instinct to send separate but equal cheques to each is permissable. Shall consult the s-i-l, I suppose.
friday
Feb. 27th, 2026 04:50 pmsummersgate
Koi. The paint and sip picture for today. I made mine a bit too fat. They are Fat Koi. Before paint and sip Jan and I walked from the Oil City boat launch to the Venango Campus gazebo and back. Got some pictures of the ice that was left behind on the banks of the Allegheny. I didn't get to see it in person last week when the water was stuffed with huge ice chunks floating down the river, though Jan said that she and Leon drove over to see it - pretty neat.( Read more... )
After paint and sip we stopped at a new store called The Fallen Shoppe. All kinds of really cool arts and crafts. If I had the money or had the space in my house I'd find so many things. Nancy, one of these days you and I are going to have to visit Oil City together.
thursday later - pics
Feb. 26th, 2026 05:45 pmsummersgate
An extra art-a-day today: Blue Sky Visions.
All the chickens gathering to eat. Clockwise from top: Blondie, Muffy, Little Comfort, Little Red, Dorothy, Rocky and Star. Muffy is the shyest one. She just got done molting and still looks a little rough. January and February would be a bad time to molt.
Candy and I hiked Big Rock Hill at Two Mile this morning. This is a little memorial that someone keeps up beside Parking Lot C.
so i've got a death in the family coming up, right
Feb. 26th, 2026 01:32 pmpicoriOkay. So.
My father's been given about a year to live due to his cancer, if that. Which. Like. I can't say I'm broken up about it, considering he's been a very shitty person to my mother and I for as long as I've been alive. But we have to get our ducks in a row about everything involving his death, and by "we" I mean "I" because my mother is an immigrant who isn't too knowledgeable about these sorts of things in the U.S. and we've never actually had to deal with death arrangements before (and my father is a retired postal worker so it's going to involve shit with sending his death certificate to the federal government which is going to be. Interesting). I of course am going to do my research and make sure I have everything "in order", as it were, but I'm wondering if anyone here has any advice they'd be willing to share if they've also had to handle death arrangements before? Things they didn't anticipate, difficulties that sprang up, etc. Anything at all helps. I'd really appreciate it if so!
thursday
Feb. 26th, 2026 07:03 amsummersgate
Things in Vision. Metallic markers over metallic paint. Lately I've been trying to figure out exactly what I see when I see nothing - when I'm looking at a blank white screen. I have all kinds of stuff that obscures my vision: vibrating dots, bright squiggles that shoot through, dark veils that drift down, patterns made in negative of what I most recently was looking at.
Baby fox.
No women's group today. I think Candy and I might go hiking. The snow is pretty much all gone. Around noon it'll get above freezing and there'll be sun.
(no subject)
Feb. 25th, 2026 05:36 pmflemmingsI am so over this winter. Was antsy about getting anywhere today with the snow falling all last night, which might have been why I had a nuit blanche and only got to sleep eventually by refusing to do anything but lie in the dark. After which I woke at 9:30 and reluctantly decided to forego sleeping in till noon. However the bobcats came by at some point and the sidewalks were clear when I headed out-- in a snow shower, yes-- at 2:30. But bobcats somehow manage to throw up an amazing number of pebbles, do not ask me how. No wonder I got one caught in the wheel back a bit. Only surprised it hasn't happened more often.
Came home to the wedding invite from nephew and fiancée, fastened with sealing wax and a seal with their initials. This takes me right back to the mid-60s when I used sealing wax that I can smell even yet. Still not sure if I can go to theirwedding: it's out in Oakville, which requires cars, and the reception is at a country club ditto, and there's an hotel they've booked for people who need to stay over. I believe my bro drove me to my younger brother's wedding nearly 40 years ago, but he wasn't married then and I was able-bodied. There's an option on the invite for 'will toast from afar', which I may have to do.
As for reading: at some point finished Jurgen and started on Figures of Earth, and am questioning if I really need to reread these pale-printed volumes. Finished also Christie's The Clocks, and Joan Coggins' The Mystery at Orchard House, which stars not!the Dowager Duchess of Denver in a young incarnation. Fun, but I do not find scatterbrained Lupin (!) as charming as her author does. Read a Dr. Priestley, Dr. Goodwood's Locum, pleasantly twisty, even though I wonder if the murderer would be as adept at an English accent of the appropriate class as he seems to be, given that spoiler spoiler spoiler. Currently on the go have Closed Coffin, a Poirot continuation, which is... not quite what I want right now. Am at a loose end which may get sorted once I stop angsting about the weather.
Came home to the wedding invite from nephew and fiancée, fastened with sealing wax and a seal with their initials. This takes me right back to the mid-60s when I used sealing wax that I can smell even yet. Still not sure if I can go to theirwedding: it's out in Oakville, which requires cars, and the reception is at a country club ditto, and there's an hotel they've booked for people who need to stay over. I believe my bro drove me to my younger brother's wedding nearly 40 years ago, but he wasn't married then and I was able-bodied. There's an option on the invite for 'will toast from afar', which I may have to do.
As for reading: at some point finished Jurgen and started on Figures of Earth, and am questioning if I really need to reread these pale-printed volumes. Finished also Christie's The Clocks, and Joan Coggins' The Mystery at Orchard House, which stars not!the Dowager Duchess of Denver in a young incarnation. Fun, but I do not find scatterbrained Lupin (!) as charming as her author does. Read a Dr. Priestley, Dr. Goodwood's Locum, pleasantly twisty, even though I wonder if the murderer would be as adept at an English accent of the appropriate class as he seems to be, given that spoiler spoiler spoiler. Currently on the go have Closed Coffin, a Poirot continuation, which is... not quite what I want right now. Am at a loose end which may get sorted once I stop angsting about the weather.
Baaaaaad Sex Scenes
Feb. 25th, 2026 08:32 ammallorys_camera
UGH. It's snowing again. And I'm gonna have to drive in it.
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On the bright side, I may have negotiated my way out of a problematic situation with a Remuneration client who has been bawking about paying me half up front. May have, being the operative phrase there.
But that's standard in work-for-hire arrangements, I told him, which is true enough.
Also on the bright side: I slept eight hours last night.
A few days ago, I did something to my back. It was a very weird pain, right between my shoulder blades at the very spot from which my wings would sprout if only I were an angel.
I have no idea what I actually did to produce this pain. And it has partially resolved, but also partially not—now, it's a right-sided ache just below my right scapula with some nerve involvement because I can feel it in my right arm & hand.
It's not heartstoppingly painful.
But when I lie on my right side, it's a dull, steady message from the interior. And I sleep mostly on my right side. So, the ache has been screwing with my sleep. Yesterday, I was absolutely brain-dead but managed to get through the top five items on my To Do List—becawse ya gotta do what ya gotta do. But I didn't enjoy any of it.
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In Work In Progress news, I tried to start writing Part II but failed to make headway.
For this visit, we'd formulated an agenda, I wrote. Storm King for the Calders, Olana for the Persian arches and views of the Hudson River's tidal inlets (this year blooming with algae). Teilhard de Chardin is buried at the Culinary Institute of America—who knew?—so we were going to pay our respects to the Omega Point and afterwards dine on truffle soup and braised cuisse de canard Bourguignon at the student-staffed French restaurant. Mostly, though, we planned to fuck.
I mean, it's a good cheap laugh, and it sets the stage for chronicling Neal's erotic encounters—but it is not grounded in anything that actually happened: Real-life Daria and real-life Neal did not have a particularly workable sexual relationship.
But since I do want this part of the novel to be erotic, I spent some time last evening reading the rather horrible chick lit writer Emily Henry's rather horrible Funny Story. It was loaded with bad sex scenes! This filled me simultaneously with horror—the sex scenes are baaaaaaaaad—but also hope—because Funny Story was a bestseller, and I could toss off sex scenes like that in my sleep. On the nights I get some.
wednesday
Feb. 25th, 2026 06:20 amsummersgateI think I'm getting more into the swing of things with "winter hibernation". Early in the winter I felt annoyed that the cold was keeping me from doing things outdoors but now I'm welcoming time where I don't need to go out. Take it day by day, hour by hour. Yesterday it was cold in the morning and I didn't go hiking but by afternoon things looked better - sunny and most the snow on the ground was melted. We took the dogs down to the creek and over to look at the lake. Some pics:( Read more... )
This morning the snow is back. We got about 2 inches during the night. Though it's supposed to go up into the mid 40s later with sun so we'll probably have another day like yesterday where it'll be pleasant in the afternoon.
I dreamed dreams last night that had images of death and loss in them - someone who was preparing to sleep for a hundred years in a wooden box, people getting into a car and going away and me not knowing if they would ever come back, a sheet of mushroom mycelium that I was transferring into a box as if it was a birthday cake. Anyway that all sounds depressing but when I woke up I was determined more than ever to LIVE. This is the only chance I'm going to get in this one body so I need to make the most of it. There will be a time to give up, yes, and that's alright too, but that time is not yet.
This morning the snow is back. We got about 2 inches during the night. Though it's supposed to go up into the mid 40s later with sun so we'll probably have another day like yesterday where it'll be pleasant in the afternoon.
I dreamed dreams last night that had images of death and loss in them - someone who was preparing to sleep for a hundred years in a wooden box, people getting into a car and going away and me not knowing if they would ever come back, a sheet of mushroom mycelium that I was transferring into a box as if it was a birthday cake. Anyway that all sounds depressing but when I woke up I was determined more than ever to LIVE. This is the only chance I'm going to get in this one body so I need to make the most of it. There will be a time to give up, yes, and that's alright too, but that time is not yet.
filling in the mcu's blanks (THEY SHOULDN'T BE BLANK IN THE FIRST PLACE)
Feb. 24th, 2026 11:09 pmpicoriactually wait. so in the mcu's civil war, when we're introduced to peter, he's like. much thinner than you would expect spider-man to be, and much thinner and less muscled than he is two months later during the events of spider-man: homecoming. obviously out-of-universe this is because tom holland hadn't properly bulked up for the role yet and did so in the year between civil war and homecoming but also in-universe. peter and may go from living in a much simpler apartment that you would sort of expect from the parker family to a slightly nicer apartment in homecoming, where peter has a bunk bed and a lot of toys compared to his sparse room with retro computers he fished out of the dumpster in civil war. again out-of-universe this is because jon watts is a shit fucking director who never should've been put in charge of peter parker movies as someone who prefers miles morales (BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT ENDED IN COPYING SHIT FROM MILES' STORIES AND PASTING THEM ONTO PETER. FUCK) BUT. when you combine those two facts. and remember that tony (asshole supreme in this situation) initially got his foot in the door to make may let him in their apartment by lying and saying that peter applied for the september foundation (which is a GRANT), which he then would've had to follow up on because otherwise may would've been like "??? okay where's the money from that grant you got accepted for" then you can honestly paint a picture of peter that is. much closer to his first comic?
i mean think about it. peter is a mutate who was mutated six months prior to civil war. he has enhanced EVERYTHING including his metabolism. he's visibly thinner compared to homecoming. may didn't know that he was spider-man so she probably would've assumed that he was just growing as every teenager does and needed to eat more, and to afford more food she would've had to work more hours at whatever job she had at the time. peter would notice this and because he is a person with a guilt complex the size of manhattan he would feel bad and try to eat less, or at least eat more at school by sneaking food or something so he ate less at home. what was his motivation for wanting to join the fantastic four in the very first issue of the amazing spider-man comic? MONEY! the second he found out the fantastic four didn't get paid he bailed on them. he needed money because ben had died and he and aunt may were financially struggling. and he literally cuts tony off in civil war to ask if there's money involved in the september foundation:
Peter Parker: Let me just stop you there.
Tony Stark: Yeah?
Peter Parker: Is this grant, like, got money involved or whatever? No?
Tony Stark: Yeah.
Peter Parker: Yeah?
Tony Stark: It's pretty well funded.
Peter Parker: Wow.
Tony Stark: Look who you're talking to.
so clearly they brought that motivation over from the comics. it's just that it would've made more sense if they also explicitly tied that into their financial situation + peter's desire to be an avenger (like he wanted to be a member of the FF) in homecoming. like yeah the reason that peter's suddenly super muscular and healthier-looking and the reason that may doesn't have to work as many long hours is because peter got that grant and forked over the majority of the money to may (and then used his own little portion of it to buy himself that bunk bed and the new desk and the toys and whatnot). which would also explain why may was seemingly unconcerned about the financial aspect of peter repeatedly losing his backpacks (with school supplies inside of them??) and obvious Their Entirely Different Apartment. like i'm just filling in the blanks for a bunch of shit that shouldn't need to be filled in because the mcu is a horrible franchise with horrible storytelling regarding one (1) peter parker but LIKE the in-universe enhanced metabolism guilt complex and going from thin to healthy (for an enhanced spider mutate) in a short period of time like that makes him infinitely more interesting to me ESPECIALLY since obviously he canonically insisted multiple times at first that he did not want to go to germany with tony!! but then when he was actually IN germany and fighting he started yapping about how he had to "impress mr. stark". in that instance of COURSE he wanted to become an avenger if he gets a fat paycheck for checks notes being blackmailed and kidnapped into fighting in an international conflict for unknown reasons (to him). like all he had to do was be exploited as a child soldier and let captain america knock him around a little bit and suddenly he actually doesn't have to starve himself anymore and his aunt isn't as tired all the time because she doesn't have to work as many hours because of Him, Specifically??? SIGN HIM THE FUCK UP!!!!
(no subject)
Feb. 24th, 2026 03:56 pmflemmingsI have physio tomorrow so I figured there was no need to go up to Loblaws today. I could go out to lunch or something in the last day of sun before the snow starts tonight. But my insides took exception to the lentil mush I've been eating, or to something, so no, not going out for sushi any time soon. Might as well get my prescription. And a good thing too, because as it turns out an amazing number of people didn't touch Sunday's snow and it's all glare ice now. Walking over that when it's covered with the 2-4 cm/ 1.5 inches forecast between now and Wednesday afternoon would not be fun. So shall take the Christie route if I go out at all, or just eat the cancellation fee. This winter, dear god, this winter.
But I do feel better for the walk and the sunshine. Had a cold brew coffee-- I can only drink coffee safely if it's cold, health benefits or not-- and watched my fellow golden agers trundle about, and read a Dr Priestley on the phone. Turned out to be a short story, not a novel, chiz chiz, but for a .99 purchase one mustn't complain. Somehow must get to the Art Gallery before next week when the show I want to see closes. But yanno, snow and the Spadina LRT not running till late Friday-- buses laid on but no thanks-- and rush hours. Maybe Saturday when temps soar to a sunny 5C if I can get up early enough.
But I do feel better for the walk and the sunshine. Had a cold brew coffee-- I can only drink coffee safely if it's cold, health benefits or not-- and watched my fellow golden agers trundle about, and read a Dr Priestley on the phone. Turned out to be a short story, not a novel, chiz chiz, but for a .99 purchase one mustn't complain. Somehow must get to the Art Gallery before next week when the show I want to see closes. But yanno, snow and the Spadina LRT not running till late Friday-- buses laid on but no thanks-- and rush hours. Maybe Saturday when temps soar to a sunny 5C if I can get up early enough.
tuesday
Feb. 24th, 2026 09:00 amsummersgate
Blue Field Entopic Phenomenon. Google says this about it: "The blue field entoptic phenomenon (or Scheerer’s phenomenon) is the normal, harmless perception of white blood cells moving as tiny, bright, rapidly moving dots or "sprites" in the retinal capillaries, particularly when viewing bright blue light." Sometimes I enjoy looking at something bright like the sky so I can try to keep my eye on them. It's hard to keep them in the center of your vision. I didn't know what it was till today when I just now looked it up. I thought it was something related to floaters but it's something different.
Jan and I were supposed to hike today but I canceled. I think she was glad I did. It's cold. 17F but with windchill it's only 7. Looking forward to a pleasant day inside with crochet and netflix.
monday
Feb. 23rd, 2026 07:57 pmsummersgate
Cat Essence. I have no idea why the ears ended up that way. It just seemed like it needed some extra texture or detail. This is one of those kinds of pictures where I have no idea where it's going while I draw it.
Dave and I used up the morning this morning with shopping at Aldi's and Walmart. Came home and sat on the couch together eating white cheddar popcorn and honey roasted cashews for lunch while watching political you-tubes on his phone. Took the dogs for a walk to the creek. A cold wind was blowing today and Rainy was shivering even with a sweater on. I got a new amigurumi book with patterns for reversible fairy tale dolls and spent time looking it over. It seems ambitious. I think I need to study it some more before I even try any of them. I got a call from Candy - she needed someone to pick her up so she could drop off her car. So I've had a fairly active day.