goofball on a train

Friday, slept poorly and had to be up early.

When moving the plants back to the patio, I made the idiot decision to lift my small lemon tree--it's in an incredibly heavy and smooth-sided cement planter--starting from a squatting position. Needless to say I pulled or strained something in my lower back, like right above my hips. It doesn't "hurt," but the feeling is uncomfortable and kept me up. I'll have to be careful bending and lifting for a bit.

Rehearsal at the Magic Kingdom was lovely. It was about half the regulars and subs, and the other half will come in to rehearse on a different day. We all checked in with each other: "How'd you weather the storm?" "Do you have power back yet?" and "Do you need anything?" What a kind and cool group of musicians :)

Additionally, our boss Mike kept the rehearsal very casual, taking into account that many of us would be tired or strained from dealing with hurricane recovery. We played through the Christmas music, first the parade sets and then the show sets, but with frequent breaks and time to get up and stretch.

Here are the little trombones conspiring together in our towel hamper during one such break :D
From left to right, Keith's trombone; my trombone; and Cory's trombone.

(this is a "backstage" photo, please do not share/distribute.)

Several of the songs involve literally singing some of the carols, and the guys yelled them enthusiastically or sang them falsetto or interjected "creative" lyrics. Honestly it was a lot of fun, and before I knew it rehearsal was already over!

Though it was fun, I was relieved because I wasn't feeling well again. Not sure what's going on but typically when I feel haggard or run down and can't put my finger on a cause, I blame it on stress. I stopped at the grocery on the way home, then at home the solar guy was there to repair some pipes (our pool is heated via solar panels) so I handled that. Then prepped ingredients for dinner.

Meanwhile Jameson had been rehearsing Jollywood over at Hollywood Studios (it's so cool that we both got to be Disney musicians today!) When he got home he was in a foul mood, having been diverted all around Disney due to flooded roads and downed trees from the hurricane. The drive usually takes him 20-30 minutes; today it took an hour! I'd be pissed, too.

While he went to check on his online students, I laid down on the floor and dozed. This is very unusual for me, so I must be very tired.
We had taco salad for dinner, and I did feel a little better after eating and resting. But there is so, so, SO much to do and it feels overwhelming. Now that the hurricane is past, I feel frantic inside.

Some things that need to be done yet:

- Make banana bread so as not to let these home-grown bananas go to waste!
- Buy and wrap Jameson's birthday presents
- Acclimate the petunia outside (I think this should happen next week)
- Make and send caramels (also going to happen next week)
- Memorize Disney Christmas music, even though I'll probably never get to play it
- Find out whether I'm attending my grandpa's funeral
- Give notice at the hat shop (doing it tomorrow)
- Continue working at the hat shop and doing transcription jobs
- Start actually packing for tour
- Reserve tickets for friends and family along the tour route
- Get a massage (now that I've wrenched my back it really is needed)
- Plan a pumpkin carving day with Jameson, and roast the seeds (our tradition, I won't skip it!)
- Make Jameson's birthday treat, since I won't be here to celebrate with him

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Saturday doesn't feel like Saturday. The storm threw off my sense of time.

I got up at 8am, would have loved to sleep until 10.
Went to get bagels so they'd be here when Jameson wakes up.

Put my large petunia outside because it's yellowing; I think I've overwatered it + I'd moved it away from the grow light to make room for the cuttings and that's had a negative impact. It's still too hot for it to live outside but I want it to dry out a bit. It doesn't look THAT bad, but watch, it will wilt today from being outside (sure enough it did.)


Next was the cringey task of writing my Letter of Resignation for Chapel Hats.
I always feel bad to write these, and especially now because just after the storm a lot of people are abandoning their shifts to take care of personal problems. But it's got to be done.

That sent off, I got to work making banana bread using the mini-bananas from my tree! Jameson had requested "pumpkin spice" banana bread, and there IS such a thing so that's what I'm making! It was lucky we had two eggs left in the fridge because there are no eggs to be found around here right now (many gas stations also still don't have gas.) The only change I made to the recipe was to exclude 1/4 cup of pumpkin, and replace it with 1/4 cup of sour cream.

The bananas, smooshed:


The completed bread. Needless to say it made the house smell fantastic. The bread was perfectly moist and springy. Definitely banana-forward, but with all those great fall spices. And the walnuts for a nutty crunch.


Just as I'd sliced us each a piece, our neighbors came over with chocolate chip cookies to thank us for the bananas I'd given them! How sweet! We each had a piece of warm bread and a cookie, and it warmed my heart :)

After lunch Jameson got an interesting job offer involving fake-playing the piano for a commercial, which pays big bucks for him to just sit there and act. It did have a rather extensive audition process, and I helped him to film a few parts of it. Then cleaned up from baking, ran the dishwasher, packed my dinner, added a bunch of flight confirmation numbers to my tour itinerary, emptied the dishwasher, checked the mail...and took a nap on the floor again. I just---I don't think I'm getting adequate sleep lately. Maybe tomorrow I can force myself to sleep in extra.

Today's hat:


This is a new Kathy Jeanne hat, sort of an angled top hat with this massive magnolia flower on the side. In fact the flower was so heavy it pulled the hat sideways all night haha. It doesn't suit me, but despite that it got loads of compliments and interest. In fact four different people tried it on and seriously considered it!

At least three people abandoned their shifts last night--literally called out with absolutely zero notice or time to find replacements--so it was me and Jordan alone. I agreed to stay an hour later to close the shop, plus he managed to get the sock kiosk employee to work with us for three hours, then got another part-timer to come close the store with us too. It made me feel bad to tell them that I had given notice (my boss hasn't responded to my email and apparently hasn't told anyone yet either) but it was also a relief to be able to talk about going on tour instead of having to bite my tongue every time someone asked about my holiday plans this year.

It was very busy at the Springs but we managed. I have a longer closing shift tomorrow and am not looking forward to it.

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Sunday, I did allow myself to sleep-and-doze until 8:30-9.

Breakfast, typing this up, adding the tour travel itinerary to my tour spreadsheet, adding musician contact info to my phone. Even though I don't know these people yet, it's good have their numbers in case someone is late to rehearsal or a message needs to be conveyed quickly. You'd be amazed how many times the task of mass-messaging has fallen to me simply because I bothered to put everyone's numbers in my phone.

I intentionally tried to make myself relax and "do less" before work today. It didn't really work.
There's a lot to do, but it's no good feeling frantic about it.

So ultimately: practicing Elf. Grocery shopping for cheap sushi for dinner, random household items that we need, wrapping paper, and condolences cards for my stepmom and step-aunt. Filling out the condolence cards to be ready to go out in Monday's mail. Wrapping Jameson's birthday presents. Giving the large petunia time in the sun and bringing it inside when the temp got too high.

Generally still getting stuff done, but trying to keep calm and centered until it was time for work. Jameson's presents (there are five things in here, mostly little things but one is a commissioned piece that I hope to share with y'all later!) I have no idea how I'm going to manage getting Christmas presents arranged while jumping between time zones this year. Sigh.


As usual, Sunday's hat will be in the next post since I'll get home too late to share it tonight.

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To-Do:

Monday: A day off. Make caramels, practice, weeding and cleaning up outdoors post-hurricane. Expecting to receive a new transcription job.

Tuesday: Package the caramels and possibly ship them. Practice, start the transcription job if I have one, closing shift at hat shop.

Wednesday: Day off. Transcription, getting the suitcase out and beginning the packing process.

Hopefully you had a livable 4th of July!

Ideally with lots of friends and family around and BBQ food and good weather and some sort of body of water or sprinkler to splash in. And at night, fireflies and s'mores.

I haven't had a 4th of July like that since I was very little. Ah well.

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Was up at 6am on the holiday because there is no rest for the wicked. Did data entry and ate breakfast. Jameson got up at 10, he doesn't have to work today. There's a heat advisory, it could get up to a 110°F (43.33°C) heat index today, how very ENJOYABLE. (-_-)

After lunch and tromboning I saw that Jameson was in the pool with a High Noon seltzer and thought, f*ck this, I need that too. Promptly joined him. We talked--it always amazes me that we live together AND both work from home, and still we somehow find things to talk about!--and enjoyed the water and admiring all of my fruit plants. The neighbors were barbecuing and playing music, big summer vibes all around.

After just a half hour I went back inside to hit my 6 hours of data entry, then got to rest for a few minutes before starting dinner. Chicago dogs and sides. No photos because it wasn't impressive and you've seen such before.

The berry dump was easy to make. Poured the berry/sugar/bourbon/vanilla combo into a loaf pan and threw in cubed cold butter.

Layered it onto the berries, and the extra onto a sheet pan. It's always good to have extra crumble, guarantees a crunchy topping no matter how much juice the berries put out.

The sheet pan needs to be pulled about 20 minutes into a 45-minute bake. When it cools a bit you can break it up with your hands or a spoon.

Finished crumble, berry juices leaking up to the top.


I waited for it to cool a bit, then topped with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. So good! Because the berries marinated in the booze overnight you can really taste the bourbon (though I felt it was also a bit bitter; make sure you use GOOD bourbon.)

We were REALLY full after that, but that's what holidays are all about.

The neighborhood sounded more and more like a war zone the later it got. I expect the weekend to be noisy too.

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Friday doesn't feel like Friday.

The heat index today is 110°F with humidity at 85%, so I expect my Disney day on Saturday will be even worse than that (the high temp that day is two degrees warmer and no rain in the forecast.) We do 8 miles (12.8 km) of walking per day in general in the park, but I get to add an extra mile (14 km total) since the women's bathroom is far from the band's dressing room and if I visit it between each show, it adds up to the extra mile.

Well anyway, TODAY I did data entry and a short run-through of Disney music and applied to more jobs. In the evening Jameson went to Epcot with plans to at least partially "drink around the world," and I had to nearly bite my tongue in half to not nag/mommy him about staying hydrated. Gotta remember that he is 40 years old and is relatively responsible/mindful compared to many other men.

While Jameson was gone I went to Walmart because they're the only ones who carry Slate milk locally, and got other little things that we can use (black pens, dish soap, etc.) The rest of my night was chill and boring which is fine by me.

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Saturday I was up early for a Disney day. It's been a few weeks since I last performed at the park. The warm-up room is now decorated with glittery stars and fireworks stickies for 4th of July, and there have been some new storage shelves installed that are pretty nice (no pictures so I don't get in trouble for sharing backstage stuffs.)

I did very well musically today. Since memorizing all of the pieces last week, I've been able to just relax and practice them at my leisure, and that's been helpful for getting comfortable. I was nervous as usual today but was able to relax like 50%. I also appreciated having two members of the band approaching me separately to give complements on how I sounded today :) Makes me feel accepted, and like I'm doing a good job.

Evidence that I was there, taken from a YouTube snippet:

It was super hot but the heat index "only" reached 103 so it was "tolerable." I'll be in the park again a week from today.

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Sunday, I had kind of a frustrating morning, just didn't feel like data entry so kept allowing myself to be distracted by little side-projects like washing our second set of bedsheets and fertilizing my bananas.

They are looking pretty good! I don't want to get my hopes up but at least they aren't shriveling.


After lunch, more data entry instead of practice because I wanted to have a free evening. Around 3pm Jameson went out with his friend Lea to spend time at Universal and see the new night parade, which is based on classic movies I think? Will have to check it out myself.

As for me, I enjoyed a mango High Moon and an Eat Fresco dinner, watching anime, and worrying about my job prospects for the future. And while that was happening our neighbor Tom rang the doorbell. He gave us his largest pineapple, that he grew himself!!! I was stunned by his generosity but he waved me off, saying there was another close behind it (there is) and that they've gotten more pineapples than they know what to do with already. It's very beautiful and probably ready to be eaten, like, now.


Debating what to make with it. A fried rice? Upside-down mini-cakes? A jam, so I can give some back to Tom?
Feel free to throw ideas at me. Right now I'm thinking eat half of it fresh, and the other half as a sort of cashew chicken stir fry.

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Tomorrow will be my "weekend" day.
No plans other than to not set an alarm, to hit Whole Paycheck for some sort of ingredients, practice trombone, and go for a neighborhood walk. Oh, and apply for jobs. Cheers!

Right before bed our neighbor Dan from across the street rang the doorbell with a gift of cookies and an adorable owl ornament!


We neighbors exchange cookies every year, but usually I'm the first to get them out. He beat me to it this year!
When you receive cookies as a gift, it's a requirement to eat one fresh ;) so I broke my calorie count for the day to have one. It's the holidays, after all! Oh, and they brought Jameson an entire key lime pie. Good grief!! I'll have a slice but won't be able to eat much as those are usually made with condensed milk.

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Monday, I got up at 6:30 so I could log at least an hour of work (I got 1.5) before starting on the Thin Mint cookie dough.
It came together quickly but was VERY dense and fudgy, basically a chocolate shortbread with mint essence.
The recipe said to roll out the dough and use a 2" cookie cutter, but in the interest of saving time I chose instead to roll it into logs and freeze it. That way I can SLICE round cookies later, which is a lot faster and easier than all that rolling and cutting and re-rolling.

When that was done I had a doctor's appointment about a lump in my throat, which my doctor said is just one tonsil being larger than the other. Glad the copay was only $30, then. The problem with my entire healthcare life is that the ONLY time I have health insurance is when I'm on tour...and yet I'm in a different city every week, sometimes every two days. So if I need to see a doctor it's nearly impossible, because by the time I get either an appointment or a referral I'll be in a different STATE the next day. While on tour I'm limited to TeleDoc visits, walk-in clinics, and the ER for emergencies. So if I have any health questions at all, or if there's anything that might need a referral or further investigation, I HAVE to see my doctor during the layoff window.

I asked a few other questions about other misc things going on with me, got reassured, and went home.

Decided to move on to making the biscotti. Again, the dough came together quickly, and after reading the comments on the recipe I decided to add orange zest and also to chop half of the pistachios. The first step is to bake the dough in long flat "loaves" at low heat, just until they're firm.


Then you let them cool for 10 minutes, then slice them carefully into the classic biscotti "sticks."
Bake them again at an even lower temperature to dry them out.


I had pulsed the pistachios too hard which impacted the texture of the dough a bit, so next time I won't do that, but otherwise I'm very happy with how they turned out. Tomorrow I hope to dip 'em in white chocolate.

While Jameson was at the gym I did the chocolate crinkle dough.
It was dark and runny, not fudgy and dense like the Thin Mint dough.


This one is oil-based, no butter, and needs to be refrigerated overnight to be worked with.

When Jameson got back I was halfway through baking the Thin Mint cookies. We sampled those and the biscotti and found them good :) Then had dinner and I finished the Thin Mints. So tomorrow will be dipping the biscotti and the Thin Mints, baking the crinkles and peanut butter blossoms, and packaging everything up to send to people.

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Up early again to do an hour or two of work, eat breakfast, and crack down on the remaining cookies starting with the chocolate crinkles. Even though the dough was cold and more solid it was still really goopy and difficult to work with, but the end result was successful!


The last time I made chocolate crinkles they were REALLY dry and hard and I have no idea why. This recipe seems like a keeper. They were crispy at the edges and fudgy/gooey in the middle.

Next I decided to dip the biscotti. That was pretty easy, just melting white chocolate and dipping half of each stick in.
I forgot to take a picture.

Then I dipped the Thin Mints, which was more of a pain because I had to measure the chocolate carefully and add the right amount of peppermint. It was also hard to balance each cookie on a fork while dipping. Still, the results are pretty good and Jameson says they're tasty (I haven't had one yet.)


All of the chocolate-dipped things had a rotation into the fridge so the chocolate could set.
When that was done I wrapped them for shipping, then got started on the last cookie, peanut butter blossoms.
I used a different recipe this year and it's not my favorite...the instructions say to throw everything in a bowl together, no creaming the butter and sugar for fluffiness and stability, no whisking dry ingredients for even distribution. And it specifically said NOT to chill the dough too. I really should have switched recipes, but plowed ahead to see what would happen.


They turned out fine, just flatter than I prefer. And the dough was INSANELY wet and difficult to roll in the colorful sugar, to the point that I was pretty well pissed by the time Jameson finished work and suggested we go out for burgers for dinner. And I was still so annoyed at the restaurant that I got a big ol' burger with pineapple rings and bacon, much against my usual anal calorie counting. Oh well! It was delicious and I felt much better after scarfing it with my favorite person :)

Back home I rushed the pb blossoms through cooling by rotating them through the fridge, then packed them up, then assembled platters for the neighbors and delivered them (both neighbors were home thankfully.) Now all that's left is packaging and mailing everyone else's treats tomorrow. And finally these cookies will be out of my face!!!

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Up at 6:30 again to do 1.5 hours of work and eat breakfast before The Final Cookie Thing: packing everything for shipping. Having done this for several years in a row now, I know what size boxes will fit the tins from Walmart, so packing took no time at all. Off to UPS to drop everything off, then send tracking info to my relatives. Done and dusted! SO glad that's over with! I love making the cookies, it's a fun challenge every year, but it cuts into my work time and dinner planning for Jameson and I.

Now we have our own small mountain of cookies (with more on the way from family and friends, my goodness!)

Back home I worked worked worked, because I am behind thanks to cookies.
Then a very average evening. We ordered from our favorite Greek place, and I was surprised to see that they've got their own website now, so used it to place our order (when I use DoorDash the owner, a cranky old Greek guy, yells at me at pickup for incurring fees lol.)

And when I went to pick up the food I was surprised to see that the front had been redone, with a big new sign on the side of the building. I hope this means they've recovered from the pandemic (we ate there throughout the pandemic and have seen this restaurant's evolution.) And for the first time EVER, the cantankerous shop owner handed me my order and SMILED. I have never seen him smile!

Usually I get the chicken or lamb kabobs, and they're very good, huge portions and everything very fresh.
This time I got the tilapia and was not disappointed.


The crispy bits of the fish were my favorite!

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Tomorrow Jameson has a doctor's appointment to investigate some pain and potential damage to his hand (he plays the keyboard for a living remember) and while he's out I'm going to work work work, and make crockpot chili and cornbread.

On Friday we have Jameson's company holiday party at Universal, then I think the weekend should be fairly quiet.

Thursday was another early morning, I pretty much tied myself to my computer and did data entry for as long as I could stand it.

In the afternoon I practiced the trombone, but otherwise was glued to my computer for the whole day.
Even so, I am behind, and will not get a weekend this week.
Not that it matters because only about 12 days left until I go on tour.

After dinner I made us some individual apple tarte tatin.
A "tatin" is, very simply, any pastry in which the fruit has been caramelized before baking.

In this case, I chopped up two Granny Smith apples and cooked them on the stovetop with butter and lemon juice.
Then I made a quick stovetop caramel with a few tablespoons of sugar, lemon juice, water, butter, and salt.
Put the caramel in two ramekin dishes, then layer the caramelized apple slices on top as tightly as you can.
Then top each one with a circle of puff pastry, and bake for 25 minutes.

Here they are fresh out of the oven, bottoms-up.


Here they are after cooling a bit and being inverted into dishes. How neat and golden and sticky-good the apples look!


I topped each one with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, then drizzled it all with the homemade butterscotch sauce that I made ages ago (it had been in the freezer for just such a moment as this)


It was amazing. The apples were warm and soft and spiced, almost preserve-like.
And of course hot apples with cold creamy vanilla is one of the best texture and flavor combinations you can enjoy.
The puff pastry was good, I especially liked how it got chewy around the edges from the apple juices and caramelization in the oven. But the hot apples and ice cream were definitely the highlight. If you don't have time for an apple pie, this is an incredibly easy and quick dessert that only takes about 30 minutes and looks a lot fancier than it is.

(Hey, I finally made something edible this week!!)

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Friday, Jameson had rehearsal in the morning again so I was up at 6:45 like always to do my data entry.

I posted this to Facebook:


This is a lesson that my job has taught me this year.
I am constantly amazed at how highly EVERY nursing home resident rates their friendships, even the most cantankerous, nasty people. Even people who have been hurt or abused. Even people like me. It's making me rethink my own relationships, and the way I shove people away and avoid building close friendships.

The thing is, though...how do you get to a point where you can TRUST someone?
I seem to rarely get to that point. I know that humans are just humans, we're all going to mess up and hurt each other even with the best intentions. That's ok, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how when I try to connect with people, I'm often looked at like I'm an alien because of my background. Everyone certainly finds "worked for the circus" and "plays the trombone" interesting. Everyone wants to hear what it was like, and see food pictures and elephant pictures and whatnot. But their interest in me never/rarely extends beyond entertaining themselves with the novelty of my life before moving on.

If I stopped posting here, how many of you would reach out to see if I was ok?
And how many of you would just seek out another blogger to entertain you without a second thought for Me As A Person?

I know the answer, and it's why I don't have friends.
How do you find GOOD friends? Like, people who care about YOU, and not your CONTENT or what free stuff or entertainment they can get out of you before discarding you like a used napkin?

Anyway, I don't know that I can ever have Real Friends. But I've promised myself to make a stronger effort at socialization on this tour, mostly based on these nursing home interviews and the apparent importance of frienships. We'll see if anything comes of it.

Two hours of work, then breakfast, then another hour before going to Publix because I was out of coffee, fruit, and oatmeal. Then lunch and I took myself for a walk (finally, why do I only get to exercise once a week, I hate Florida.)

No pictures because I was hustling, just wanting the vitamin D and the exercise.
Back home I cleaned up and three more hours of work, but I'm still an hour behind, argh, but I couldn't sit in front of a screen for one more minute. Jameson came home and we had dinner, then he went to a friend's house so I vacuumed, cleaned out my car in prep for vacuuming it, cleaned the small bathroom, wiped our sliding patio doors down, researched Airbnbs for a possible sibling visit in February, and worked very hard on Foodie Finds (which is more screen time but at least it's DIFFERENT screen time.)

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Saturday, I treated it as a weekend and didn't set an alarm.
Because I busted ass with data entry yesterday, I only have to do an hour today, and I'll get to it when I get to it.

First, coffee and the bag of apple scone mix that I got for free from World Market.
Apple scones are a Fall flavor, and I don't want the mix sitting around through next Fall.


Then a little computer time before getting out the ingredients for my famous homemade caramels :)
These are for my family, I promised to make them caramels this summer but it was so F*CKING hot out that I didn't trust they'd survive shipping. Now it's cooler outside of Florida so at least they should arrive mostly intact. Yeah, it was back up to 86°F/30°C today. Bullshit. Sorry for all the swears but I WANT FALL.

You've seen this process before but I guess it never gets old.
Here's the sugar mixture just as it's turning the right color (I call it "weak iced tea.")


When you add the cream it looks like melted butter! Then it foams up and you gotta keep an eye that it doesn't boil over.


Eventually it thickens up, and you need to constantly stir it so it doesn't scald.
The temperature plateaus for me around 240°F, so I poke the heat up little by little until it starts going up again.


This time I turned it up too fast I think, because the bottom scalded right at the end.
The flavor is fine, there are just darker brown bits mixed into the caramel (not burnt just darker) so the visual is not as good.
Also, I don't have the lovely vanilla bean paste that I'd normally use because it's currently $20!!!
Vanilla extract, even the real stuff, is not nearly as good as the paste. But it can't be helped for this batch.
It's still certainly good enough to share.


After that I practiced for a while, then washed my slide out because it needed washing.
Jameson went to give his car an oil change, so I went outside to cut down the dead bush out front that I'd failed to dig up a few days ago. In case you don't remember that, it was like this:


But then I realized that the ground was a lot drier today, and thought that maybe the roots had dried out more since I last tried to remove the trunk. Dry roots might be more brittle, easier to break or cut. So I attacked the bush again, shoving it back and forth by the trunk, using my whole wimpy 123lb momentum, and was rewarded with the sound of muffled snapping and cracking beneath the soil. I ran and grabbed the hand saw and alternated between chopping at the roots I could see, and using my weight to push the trunk back and forth above the root ball.

Finally the whole thing broke free, and I pulled it straight up. I WIN!



Had to take those goofy pics to send to Jameson :P
Now we have a hole in the front, but you can't see it because of the hedge.
I am thinking I might move a banana tree there and see how it does.


After that I got cleaned up and treated myself to an apple scone and some decaf coffee.

We had Mexican for dinner, and I worked on Foodie Finds. I'm still stuck on Chicago research.
You have to understand, Chicago has AMAZING food, and The L train which gets you across town quickly/cheaply, and we're there for six days, and we are within walking distance of no less than five food halls, never mind all of the restaurants and cafes and specialty grocery stores and cultural districts.

We're only a mile from Eataly for God's sake.
And did you know that Chicago's Chinatown has it's own Chinese version of Eataly?
A three-story Chinese grocery with a bakery, housewares section, and food court. 80,000sq ft of deliciousness.
In a city like Chicago I can barely decide what *I* want, much less pick and choose for a group of people that I haven't even met yet!

Looking at all the options makes my stomach growl in anticipation.
Chicago is at least five months away though, so I'd better chill out.

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Sunday I got up at 7:30 for data entry, but lost some time responding to emails and responding to questions that came my way.
After breakfast I cut up the caramels. The soft little cubes always look so satisfying.


There were enough to send 12 pieces to people without kids, and 8 pieces each to people with kids, and I think that works out such that I don't have to make a second batch if I don't want to. I'll think about it.

That took about an hour, so then I had lunch and practiced and did a few more hours of work.
Before I knew it it was dinner time, we had grocery store sushi and watched The Fall of the House of Usher, which is incredible BTW if you're looking for spooky season stuff to watch.

TMI I had terrible gas today for unclear reasons (anxiety? IBS? constipation? something I ate?) so I am buying a bottle of Devrom to try. It's freaking expensive so I hope it works (or maybe I hope it doesn't so I won't have to spend money on it.)

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Tomorrow (or today depending on where you read these) Jameson starts another week of intense rehearsal, and his workload at home is doubled because he's covering for someone else.

I've got a lot to do this week, the last full week before I go on tour.
Here is my to-do list, we will see what I manage in no special order:

• Ship caramels to family
• Power wash the pool deck
• Clean the dishwasher and garbage disposal
• Do a deep dust (i.e. take everything off bookshelves and dust them, do the baseboards, etc)
• Vacuum the car
• Clean both showers
• Cancel BetterHelp and hopefully find something else, cheaper
• Find a roll of quarters for laundry
• Power wash the pool deck
• Cook one final week of meals
• Haircut
• Dust, vacuum, and clean bathrooms one last time

Written out like that, it doesn't look like a lot. Right now it feels like a lot, though.
I'm probably forgetting things...I "should" take the car for an oil change, for example.
Anyway, I'll still be working, practicing, packing, and exercising during all of that too.
(Yes, I plan to go for a walk every other day this week.)

Here goes.

As promised, pictures from my walk on Sunday.

A locust molt found hanging on a dividing wall.


A cardinal feather, from a female or juvenile.


That's it, haha.

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Monday I got up semi-early for work, and there wasn't anything for me to do, so worked on Foodie Finds and mixed up the ricotta filling for stuffed shells for dinner. Eventually I was given some work to do, did that and had therapy. We talked about my frustrations with work and not being able to contribute to the household, and I was able to explain myself a little better re: what it means for me to be a professional musician, and why I'm not willing to give that up just yet. I'd honestly like to get off the topic, but it's my own fault for griping about it and it IS a big point of stress in my life at this time. Anyway, it brought up another important thing which is how defensive I get about certain topics. So it was good that we talked about that even if it made me kinda huffy. I acknowledged my huffiness at least. And have promised to actively work on how I talk about myself, as a part of the process that leads to being defensive.Which I was ready to do in the moment, but as you will see below, as the week went on I went full-tilt in the opposite direction.

Also, he ended the session by telling me that I need to know and hear that I am loved and cared for.
Which immediately makes me burst into tears if anyone ever says it in my direction.
Because the last people to say those words to me and mean it are either all dead, or are different people now.
When the only person that you hear "You are loved" from is the guy you're paying to say it, that's sad.
But hearing it at all is enough to instantly cut me to the core.
There, now you know my emotional weakness.

As work wound down I threw together a no-knead bread recipe, which is just flour, yeast, water, and salt.
You barely even mix it, then let it sit on the counter for "2 to 3 hours" which in Florida is 1.5 hours.
Then you put a Dutch oven in the oven and let it get super hot, 450°F for 30 minutes.
Shape your loaf, drop it in the Dutch oven, close the lid and let it cook for 30 minutes, then 12 with the lid off.




Tada, bread. Nice and crusty and warm.
When that was done I made the stuffed shells.


With a side salad it was all very nice and Italian. Jameson put Boursin cheese on his bread, how FANCY.

After dinner he had to go to a rehearsal, and there was a big severe thunderstorm that blew through so I was worried for him, but he was able to set up and return home safely.

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Tuesday I got up early to work and pretty much worked all day.
Jameson got more good news about the Jollywood gig: they want him to MD it!
That means he'll get paid more, and also be involved in most if not all rehearsals.
The best part is that they mentioned the possibility of him doing this gig in the future as well.
Future gigs! Every musician's dream :)

I'm extremely happy for him of course! But on the selfish front, his success threw my failures into stark contrast as I plugged away at my $12/hr data entry job. Yes, I get to go on tour in a few months, but what you may not understand is that Jameson is going to make more than I earn in an entire year from that ONE holiday Disney gig. Plus he has a full time job. I am losing money this summer, so whatever I earn from the tour will just be replacing what was lost; I won't get ahead.

This made me think more about finding something to become certified in, perhaps while on tour.
Because frankly I just don't know what else to do. I want to keep touring and/or performing professionally, but if I'm just going to lose the money anyway and then not be valued anywhere else, there's no point. It's very disheartening. I know that Jameson has felt this same way for a long time, stuck at his dead end job, which is why I'm relieved and happy that he's suddenly got great gigs! But the difference in our situations is that he at least has full time work. He gets paid a living wage. He doesn't have to watch his bank account dwindle down because he's only worth $12 per hour, like me, a piece of garbage. If Jameson kicked me out tomorrow, I would be in absolute poverty despite all the money I've saved. It doesn't make me feel good.

I have to pay someone to tell me I'm loved, but I can't afford it. Lol.

Anyway, at some point I had to stop working because despite being garbage I'm also a human being who needs to eat and go outside once in a while. It was hot and humid and there were big heavy clouds in the sky, but the storms were not coming my way.


On this walk I found a broken wasp or hornet nest...


...and a bagworm cocoon. I don't think I've seen one of these before, it's pretty cool.
I am finding many good things on my walks lately.


Back home I relaxed as much as I could, which wasn't very much, and went around bookmarking types of certifications to look into.

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I got up at 6:30am to work. I'm currently doing an upload project for the TSOLife app, which offers games and activities for residents (as well as the usual analytics side for the nursing home staff). The activities/games are just things like crossword puzzles, or recipes, or little cupcake toppers for when it's someone's birthday...arts and crafts projects...you get the idea. What I'm doing is basically populating at database with activities, one activity at a time; for example if there are fifty crossword pages, I'm uploading each page as an individual activity, plus instructions, a description, tags, categories, images, etc.

I like this kind of work better than processing the intake forms because it's easier to get into a flow and pattern when you're uploading 50 of the same thing over and over. It makes the time go faster. Which is why I easily got 7 hours in today.

Jameson had a performance at Disney again tonight but we got HelloFresh, and one of the meals had fish so I felt it best to cook it tonight (he's not going to be here for dinner tomorrow night either.) It was yummy but would have been better with company.

In other news, my sister--the one who is an OR nurse and lives in our hometown with her husband and child--made an offer on a house, and got it! And it's not just any house, it's a historic house! Very very beautiful. I'd share the listing but don't want the whole random internet knowing where she'll live (it's bad enough that people might reverse search this image. Don't do that!!!)

The house:


The inside is gorgeous. Hardwood everywhere, original ceilings and fireplaces and replica wallpaper. I am so happy for her!!
Honestly, to me, this is a castle. I will never be able to afford something like this.

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Currently it's Wednesday night and I'm typing this up in the quiet of the house, doing a load of laundry.
I've just bookmarked a bunch of sites about certifying for digital reporting and/or transcription.
I don't want to do this. I don't want to have to pay to get results, to get value.

"You have value outside of your job!" my therapist says.

Yeah? Prove it. Because I haven't seen any evidence of that.
I have to pay someone to tell me I'm loved. What does that say about my value?
I have to pay (once again) for courses and certifications that may-or-may-not give me value in the workplace. What does that say about my value to society?
I have to pay $180 on Friday to spend fifteen minutes with a doctor, probably so they can tell me to eat antacids and work on reducing stress. What does that say about the value of my physical self?

If I had value, I'd just be valued.
I wouldn't have to constantly pay someone to attribute me some value.

Whatever. I'm in a really bad place this week. But at least my sweetheart and my sister are rocking it! Good on 'em!

Thursday working, and then I made the 1930s peanut butter bread from Baking Yesteryear for the guys over at Warburton.

It turned out fine, just didn't get very tall, which I hate. I know quick breads don't get very tall anyway, but I don't understand why mine always seem even flatter than is typical. The smell was fantastic as you can guess (think peanut butter cookies) and Jameson was groaning about how he wanted a loaf, so I will make us one tomorrow. This time I'm throwing an egg in there, that should fluff things up.

In the evening I went for a neighborhood walk.
The sun is setting a little earlier, it can't be much earlier than usual but I'm always surprised to notice the change.

I decided to take a page from summersgate's book and bring you along on my walk.

( go on a walk with me )

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For once I had met my 30 hour minimum on Thursday, so I didn't have to work on Friday!
But I did get up at 7:30 still, and ate breakfast, and enjoyed some "me time" before driving the hour-and-fifteen to Warburton again.

I brought the peanut butter bread and it was much appreciated.
The receptionist and some of the craftsmen from the back came out to eat some, toasted and with salted butter.
We ate and sipped coffee while they re-laquered my trombone mouthpiece. It was a good visit :)

From there I drove to The Loop which is a shopping plaza partway back.
There's a Fresh Market in there. I treated myself to their grocery store sushi and checked to see if they had gummy candy corn (they didn't but it's early), then went to the Yankee Candle in the same area because I had a buy 1/get 1 coupon and Jameson mentioned wanting a vanilla candle. After lots of sniffing, settled on a smoked vanilla (which I suspect I will like more than him) and vanilla creme brulee (which I suspect he will like more than me). Then a stop at Publix for groceries for the week.

Back home Jameson was in some mood because he had to buy a tux for Candlelight.
The hope was that they'd provide outfits...you KNOW Disney has a whole warehouse somewhere dedicated to employee uniform tuxes. But no, so his choices were to rent a tux for three separate performances (at $200 per rental) or buy one ($600) so he bought one. It's probably good to have a tux in your closet anyway, but when you've made it past the age of 40 without having to buy one I guess it's hard. I'd be mad too. That takes a huge chunk of the money he'd be making on these gigs...in fact, more than half of his pay will probably go toward the outfit for the event.

So I had him smell the vanilla candles (my predictions were correct about what he'd like) and then made the peanut butter bread again which made the house smell delicious and put him back in an "ok" mood. Poor guy.


I have to admit that I cheated on this loaf; I did two things to make it rise higher.
Thing 1: used a smaller pan!
Thing 2: added an egg!

This quick-bread recipe is from the Depression era, when some ingredients (EGGS and BUTTER) were scarce. And so innovative housewives looked in their pantries and found substitutes; in this case peanut butter, because it has both protein and fat that can take the place of eggs and butter. But peanut butter doesn't have nearly the protein content of an egg.
And this ain't the Depression. I got eggs.

We enjoyed still-warm slices with an Italian dark chocolate peach spread that I got last week using a gift card.
It was incredibly good.

In the evening we watched two episodes of Only Murders In The Building, then Jameson went to a game night with his friends and I stayed home to vacuum and practice trombone and relax (I mean, TRY to relax.)

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I woke up an absolute mess on Saturday, heart racing and very anxious.
No idea why, perhaps there was an intense stress dream?
But it took all morning to even calm partway down. Not fun.

But I felt better when Kim, the Warburton receptionist, sent these adorable pictures of Moe the squirrel enjoying a small piece of my peanut butter bread! A squirrel likes something that I made...I am proud :D


Then breakfast, then outside to finally separate out a new banana pup that's grown big enough to stand on its own.
For the first time, I had to kill the other pups. There are too many of them now, and I don't need any more banana trees especially if they're all pouring energy into making clones instead of fruit. I feel bad but that's gardening for ya.

As I was cutting off dead banana leaves, I discovered a surprise!


These are two-striped walkingstick bugs.
The female is 2.5 inches long; I was startled to suddenly be facing such a large insect.
The male is much smaller and rides on her back (which is why these are often called "devilriders".)


They are very slow-moving and do not bite, but they can squirt a stinky chemical in self-defense that can irritate your eyes.
So I was very gentle and kept my distance. It was cool to find something new! Always bring your phone when gardening :)

Back inside I goofed off and ate lunch and practiced trombone.
I get tired more quickly on the larger trombone, but hopefully that will not be an issue soon.

Jameson and I went for a dip in the pool in the afternoon, which was nice as it's still very hot here.
He went to a show with friends (over an hour away and it's a show I'm not interested in so I declined) so I watched anime and worked on Foodie Finds and drank the last of my sake.

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Sunday I got up early to work.
It went fine, I think.
Trombone practice in the afternoon, now I'm really buckling down on muscle memory so I can be ultra-comfortable with the part by the time the tour starts. And then of course they'll make changes and cuts and I'll have to learn all over again :p

It was a very slow day as Sundays often are, Jameson watched the Cubs game and I got very sleepy around 3:30 and had to struggle for my last hour of work. We ordered pizza and after dinner I tried to go for a walk, but it started raining in the first five minutes so I came back. It's also getting darker significantly earlier.

I guess Tropical Storm Idalia may nip us this week?
It will be nice to get some rain.

Therapy on Monday was "ok" again.

( Therapy Things )

The rest of the day was middlingly productive.
This is random but a friend of mine recently came screaming into a group chat to rave about this tea:


It was cheap on Amazon so I bought a box to try, and WOW is it good!
I might run screaming into some chatrooms myself to tell people about it haha.
It's minty and vanilla-y, and really very much like a buttermint in drinkable form!
Highly recommend. Also, if you can't find "Buttermint" specifically in the US, I think "Peppermint Cheer" is the same flavor only marketed differently for a US audience.

Anyway. After dinner we went to The Renaissance Theatre, a local nonprofit that is pretty much a warehouse bought and converted into theater space. This is not my usual scene, but sure is pretty!


Yes, that silver moon is modeled after the one the hung in Studio 54.
And it has a coke spoon too, just not in this particular photo.

Jameson's friend Lea was performing, along with other local actors and singers.
Objectively speaking, I thought that Lea's was the most cleanly professional performance of the night.
But there were lots of amazing singers, including a trans person who sang a very good self-composed song about their transition, and a skinny little 17-year-old who surprised us all by belting out a baritone opera piece.

After that it was open mic, so we got drinks at the bar and talked with Lea and other friends who had come out to be supportive and have a good time. Most of the open mic singers were not as skilled as the scheduled performers had been, but ALL of them sang either Broadway or Disney numbers. I felt glad that there was a place where people could feel comfortable performing the music they loved here in Orlando. That's pretty cool :)

When the show was mostly over we went to a nearby bar together but didn't stay long. I'd already had my two glasses of wine, so just had water and listened to everyone talking about theatre drama until Jameson was ready to go home.

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Tuesday.

After breakfast I booked a flight from Salt Lake City to Orlando in November, for the one-day Candlelight rehearsal that happens before the two gigs overlap. This part of how things came together is miraculous to me. The rehearsal happens to be on a Sunday, and usually there would be at least one touring show performance. But for some reason, this is the ONLY Sunday on the whole tour where we don't have a show...the one Sunday where I need to be somewhere else.

When the universe accommodates me like this, it always puts me in a state of wonderment.
Who is looking out for me? Is there a price I'll have to pay for this godsend later?

Then I posted a listing for a substitute trombonist for myself, and got about twelve responses, which is great.
It's still quite early but the closer we get to the holidays the harder it will be to find available musicians.

I enjoyed working on Megan's Foodie Finds some more, did a little cleaning around the house, picked out a bread recipe to do this week, went for a walk with Jameson, and cleaned up my nursing home email and calendar and other workspaces in preparation for training tomorrow.

Jameson graciously made dinner since I didn't feel like it.

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Wednesday, my training with Nursing Home Job was rescheduled so I found myself with the day free.
Jameson had expressed interest in a "coconut ice" confection in the Baking Yesteryear cookbook, and it was so easy to make, why not.

It's quite bad for you, as the best desserts tend to be :D
Sweetened condensed milk, unsweetened coconut, powdered sugar, and food coloring.
Mix them in equal parts in two separate bowls, adding food coloring to one bowl and vanilla extract to the other.
You can choose any color that you like, but the author used pink so I did too.


Press the paste into a square pan, one color at a time. Let chill for at least three hours.
Chop into small squares. Voila, coconut ice.


You might be reminded of THIS candy. I was, anyway. My mom used to love stuff like this.
They were very tasty! But as a lactose intolerant person, condensed milk is no joke. I have to be very careful or risk, uh...significant discomfort. I ate TWO Lactaids for one small square, just to be safe.

We decided to go for a walk in the afternoon and then before I knew it it was dinner time. I made us a HelloFresh meal that turned out to be overly spicy due to a hotter-than-normal poblano. Note to self, taste test any peppers before adding them to the meal.

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Thursday felt a little hectic, but was productive.
I got up early to drive way out to Clermont to pick up my repaired trombone. I wanted to get back quickly, but Pat (trombonist and super-skilled repair dude) likes to talk shop. Knowing this, I got there earlier than typical and we chatted for 20 minutes or so about trombone nerd stuff before I headed back.

After putting the trombone away I wanted to make a Russian black bread recipe, but something went wrong.
I think the yeast got over-activated because I accidentally added hot butter to the dough.
On the second rise the loaf bubbled up very high, split open, then collapsed. Never seen anything like that happen before, and the butter was the only thing that I definitely messed up.

Then I had nursing home job training, which was not training at all because not much has changed since I last worked.

For dinner we decided to try Mochinut. It's a chain out of California selling mochi doughnuts and Korean-style hot dogs dipped in a rice batter + other yummy things like potato cubes, ramen, cereal, or even crushed Cheetos. You can get a whole hot dog, a mozzarella stick, or a "half-and-half" of each. We both got the potato-coated one, but Jameson got half mozz while I got the whole dog.


The texture was really what this was all about. Super crispy, crunchy, and satisfying to bite into. The potatoes were soft and creamy inside, the hot dog was pretty typical. We dipped them in a sweet mango chili sauce that was awesome. There's an option to dip these in a sugar coat, and next time I'd like to try that for a sweet & salty flavor.

We also got some filled donut holes to take home. These were less impressive; the dough was good and chewy, but the fillings were surprisingly bland. A shame, because there was a LOT of filling.


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Friday, I had a haircut in the morning with a friend of Jameson's who was VERY good and who I'll probably go to in the future.
They listened before they did things. That is all I want and need out of a haircut.

I had my first real day of "work" at Nursing Home Job. Got a few things wrong mostly due to being unfamiliar with the new layouts, not knowing where to find some information, and not realizing that they want information repeated across different parts of the database now. But it was a good first attempt and I logged a few hours anyway.

For dinner we had HelloFresh and watched The Super Mario Bros. Movie (the new one, Jameson's seen it and I haven't.)
It was very good! Cute, lots of nostalgia, they crammed as many characters and Nintendo references as they could in there.

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Saturday started off nice and slow, I got up early to log an hour of work and then worked on Foodie Finds too.

In the afternoon Jameson and I used our all-access Disney passes for the first time.
It's a physical pass that looks like a little credit card, but you can also put it on your phone for quick access.
You can choose a graphic; I chose Dole Whip, because that's why we were going to Disney today :D


The nice thing about being able to access the parks as a castmember: since you can go to the parks whenever you want, there's no pressure to rush from ride to ride to "get your money's worth", or stick to an itinerary so you don't miss your place in lines. For the next year, none of that matters. We can literally just go for no reason other than to walk around, or shop for souvenirs, or grab a snack and leave.

For Jameson, that is what he's used to. NOT being a castmember was weird for him.
For me, it's new and exciting. I have been to Magic Kingdom many times, but today certainly hit different.


The Dapper Dans performing on Main Street USA.


Jameson and I amazed to find ourselves here!


My creamy, fruity, delicious Dole Whip:


Of course it started raining right as we were eating our treats, but we waited it out under an awning.
We rode a few of the "chill" rides--Peoplemover, Carousel of Progress, Magic Kingdom Railroad--and we people watched and looked at souvenirs. The park has some Halloween decorations up already, that was cool to see. And it was relaxing to choose rides that gave us some history of the park and swept us around to see different areas.

A few hours later we enjoyed Mickey pretzels. Jameson loves these, and it was my first time having one. It WAS good.


We were hoping to hit either Haunted Mansion or Jungle River Cruise, but one was out of service and the other had a very long line, so we called it a day (also the heat index was above 100°F and we were both getting drained by the oppressive heat.)

As we made our way back through Main Street USA to reach the trams, I was looking around and taking everything in and happened to notice this lovely little green mailbox on a post. I started to walk past it, then did a double take. Painted on the side in bright white letters, the words "Danville, PA" had caught my eye. That's only a few minutes from my hometown!!


Danville Stove & Manufacturing Co., or Stove Works as it was known, was formed in 1882 by seven dudes who pooled $20k to get the company started. They enjoyed great success for most of their history, manufacturing wood and coal stoves, furnaces, heaters, and mailboxes. At one point they had over a hundred employees working out of a factory in Danville, making a six-figure profit each year. But once electric ranges entered the picture, things changed. The company did not adapt to the change, and went out of business in 1943.

In other words, Disney has this rare 1940s WORKING antique mailbox, built minutes from where I was born, lovingly maintained and prominently displayed in the middle of the Magic Kingdom and Main Street USA.

Needless to say, this was surprising and wonderful.
Next time I will bring a letter to send.

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Sunday, got up early and spent most of my day logging six hours of Nursing Home Job because I'll be baking bread for a friend on Monday, and don't want to fall short of my 30 hours per week requirement due to time spent on that.

In between working I went to the grocery with Jameson and ate lunch.
After dinner Jameson went to visit Lea (she's been in a breakup recently) and while he was gone I vacuumed and then made the ganache for the bread. I'll be making "chocolate bombs", which are soft brioche buns filled with chocolate ganache. I am modifying the recipe to add a strawberry ganache along with the chocolate, because my friend has kids and says "They like fruit".

I've made this recipe before, but with a savory mozzarella and garlic butter filling.
I've never made a ganache before but it was easy enough.
Hopefully the bread comes out well tomorrow.

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Monday will be spent baking the bread rolls, having another therapy session, and then hopefully getting into a routine of work-trombone practice-exercise for the foreseeable future.

Monday, being the 3rd, I noticed that many of my friends had to work.

Well, Independence Day is only one day after all. Lame, but there it is.

I felt "ok" after breakfast--this is only my second day on the Prilosec and it can take four days to fully work--just had a little bit of cramping/burning when I ate raspberries, and after finishing my coffee (which I made weaker than usual and sipped slowly and carefully.) We will see how things are by Wednesday, and that will determine whether I'm doing a $$$$ CT scan.

After breakfast I decided to bake a loaf of bread.
I picked a SUPER simple recipe with only six ingredients and no Tangzhong method: flour, sugar, salt, water, butter, yeast.
Throw it all in a bowl and mix, then knead.

Let rise, bake. Voila, "a bread".


Turns out, I didn't have enough bread flour so had to use majority wheat flour.
As a result the loaf is a bit dense, but the crumb is nice and even. It also blew out the side a little bit, but that's ok.
The texture is more crumbly too because of the lower protein in wheat flour + no Tangzhong.
All of this was pretty much expected. It baked up nice and it's edible so it's a good first loaf after essentially two years of no baking.

And no matter how bread turns out, the house smells FANTASTIC afterward :)

Practiced some trombone but didn't take myself too seriously with it.
In the evening Jameson and I watched Evil Dead Rise. Jameson likes "hokey" horror but I'm not really into it other than to make snide comments about the usual tropes (car won't start, victims suddenly forget how to run away, etc). It was fun to watch, though, and there were some cute references to other great horror films.

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Today is the 4th of July! Independence Day!

I don't care!

Not surprisingly, we are not feeling very patriotic. I'm sitting here with a mildly burning stomach knowing that if it doesn't magically resolve itself by tomorrow I'll have to get a costly out-of-pocket CT scan. OR I could ignore it and hope it isn't or doesn't become something serious. Because there is no ACTUAL HEALTH CARE for someone like me.

I'm wondering how much of these physical symptoms are being caused by pure anxiety and nerves.

Anyway, I am no longer incapacitated by my stomach cramping up, but I do still feel uncomfortable burning after breakfast, after dinner, and sometimes in the middle of the day too. The clinician said to schedule the CT "on Wednesday if you don't see improvement". I mean, there's SOME improvement?

We spent the 4th playing video games, reading books, swimming in the pool, talking, and making the Chicago dog baked potatoes with sweet corn. Well, I did that last bit anyway. They were tasty! It's just a baked potato with a Sabrett dog (or whatever you want to use), lettuce and tomato, pickles, sport peppers, celery salt, onion, and a honey mustard dressing. You can also add whatever condiments you want of course.


The sweet corn required the least effort and was soooooo good. It's been a long time since either of us have had it, and I don't know about Jameson but for me it brought nostalgia and was a good "memory food" for the 4th. And interestingly, none of this hurt my stomach at all.

At night our neighborhood erupted with fireworks. Someone was setting them off in the middle of the street outside our house, so I went out to watch a bit and applaud (applause = "I'm not here to be a bitchy Karen and call the cops"). We went to bed early because we both have long days tomorrow.

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(Blah blah disclaimer, this is all my own thought and opinion and does not reflect the views of Disney or any of it's affiliates, etc etc)

We were both up at 6am on Wednesday, Jameson to load in at the Dr. Phillips Center for Spamalot, and me to go to Disney Traditions!

I drove out to Disney University, which is just a big office building used for all sorts of training. There were a lot of people filing in, and everyone was greeted with Disney smiles. I felt bewildered by all the courtesy; I started to queue and then was called directly over (when was the last time a customer service person didn't scream, "I CAN HELP THE NEXT GUEST", but instead made eye contact and said, "Come over here and I'll get you started!" For me it's been a LONG time.)

I was whisked through sign-in, given a promotional bag for Disney's credit union, and found myself swept up in a little creek of humanity into a cafeteria, which is where we all waited to be called for our training sessions. It was quite noisy in there, mostly because a large group of African folks were being gathered and receiving instruction/doing call-and-response with a Disney castmember speaking an African language. I suspect they're part of Disney's Cultural Representative Program.

Soon enough we were called. My training group was huge, something like 60-70 people.
We sat at round tables and got bombarded with all sorts of information, all centered around Disney's "Five Keys": Safety, Courtesy, Inclusion, Show, and Efficiency. Inclusion is a new "key", and a much needed one for every employer out there, frankly.

As you might expect, we can't go into detail about what training is like and couldn't take pictures or anything like that.
I'll just say that it was a full 8-hour day, we covered a lot of information and our trainers were awesome. Both were from Pennsylvania so I was biased toward them anyway :p At one point we got to hop on a bus and visit Main Street, Magic Kingdom, and Tomorrowland, but it was ridiculously hot (heat index on the pavement was around 115°F!) and a storm was moving in so we were probably only out there for 30-40 minutes. Of special note is the fact that the "Disney Look"--Disney's dress code--has been loosened. You can now have visible arm tattoos, beards, longer hair, and some more costume flexibility. This is probably partially the result of COVID, and partially the result of Inclusion. Now people who have tattoos, or who look a certain way for a specific reason, may be able to apply to work, whereas before they could have been sort of passively excluded by the dress code requirements.

At the end of training, in rather dramatic and ceremonial fashion, we were presented with our name tags, followed shortly by our Castmember ID badges. Several people got emotional when receiving theirs; lots of people in this world dream of working for Disney, but it can be VERY difficult to actually get a job there in any department. I am proof of that. I've been applying to work for Disney, in every capacity from Custodial to Corporate, for twenty years.

And here it is. Proof that I am employed by Disney.


Even though I’m just a substitute musician, being a Disney employee is a goal I’ve had since I started playing the trombone.

Some people got here much faster, or advanced higher.
I got here in my own time, and I got here at all.

If I do get called to perform for Candlelight this Christmas, I will do my very best.
But whether I do or not, either way I am thrilled to have gotten this far.

After training I gathered my things and drove downtown to the Dr. Phillips Center, where Encore was loading in with Spamalot.
I was late, but the orchestra hadn't even tuned yet so it was all good.
Tootsie performed at the Dr. Phil last year. It felt odd to be in the pit again, with six or seven times the number of people crammed down there, and me on the opposite side. And I walked backstage and knew exactly where to go, and saw my name on the wall with the Tootsie tag. How strange.

The pit:


Sound check was fine but it was SO loud down there, by the time we got out I had a blazing headache.
Then I made a very poor choice and chugged half of a protein shake with my dose of Omeprazole for the night, and immediately had stomach cramps and nausea. To be clear, this was likely not from the shake itself, but from slamming it into an empty stomach with a medication that impedes digestion. The headache (which quickly became a painful and nausea-inducing migraine) also did not help. Which meant I spent the rest of my night on the floor with my eyes closed while Jameson watched The Office, then we went to bed early.

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Thursday, I got up early because I had another Disney training session.
I was happy to realize within the first few bites of breakfast that my stomach was not going to give me any trouble, but it did feel a little raw so I consciously made myself eat more slowly than usual (I DO tend to gulp down food at times and will need to work on unlearning that behavior.) Eating slowly, my stomach actually felt a lot better and I was able to finish a whole cup of coffee, which I haven't been able to do all week.

Packed a little nonperishable lunch and headed out around 9am.
This one was safety and PPE-based, and it was about four hours of safety and informational videos.

When that was over I had just about an hour at home to pack myself a dinner and take a breather before we had to head downtown for sound check and rehearsal. We were supposed to do a full run at 8pm, but for whatever reason Production dragged their feet so hard that we didn't even start until 9:30. The whole day was a lot of sitting around for me, between Disney PPE training and rehearsal.

By the time we got home and in bed it was 12:30. My stomach had been fine for the entire day, even after scarfing down my dinner at rehearsal without thinking.

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Friday, we both woke up slightly later than usual.
I felt fairly normal after eating breakfast, just a slight acidic feeling.

I've gone ahead and scheduled a CT scan for Tuesday, and a GI consultation for the following Tuesday.
Turns out the CT scan is only between $200-$300, which is a price I'm willing to pay out of pocket to make sure this isn't something serious.

Reminder that my mom discovered she had stage IV pancreatic cancer at the age of 42, and she was dead four months later.
I'm 39, and pancreatic cancer is NOT easy to catch. Even if this stomach-acid-thing is something minor or unrelated, this whole experience is an excuse to have a look in the abdominal area for ANYTHING unusual. So I'll take it.

Anyway, I decided to take a walk before lunch because it was 90°F with a heat index of 95°F, and while that's awfully uncomfortable it's probably the best we're going to see all week. On my walk I saw a Cooper's hawk, a turtle in a pond, and a white ibis who let me get very close because he was intent on hunting lizards in the newly-cut grass.

The rest of the day was calm and quiet until it was time for rehearsal.
It was a dress rehearsal with press and a small audience, so we wore our concert blacks.
Once again, everything was late late late so we didn't start the dress run until 9pm (it was supposed to start at 8pm).
I felt bad for the audience, but this is also typical of Encore so I think the late start wasn't totally unexpected.

We didn't get home until 1am, and my stomach was a bit of a wreck mainly because it was empty, but still nowhere near as bad as it was earlier in the week.

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Saturday morning, nice and rainy and dreary.
Despite it being the rainy season it's been pretty dry in this area, we really do need the rain, and the overcast skies are a blessed break from the sun and awful heat we've had all week.

After breakfast I went to the radiology place to get my contrast for the CT, then to the store for Prilosec and groceries.
Lunch, and a lot of nothing. It stayed overcast and a "cool" 90°F, and I found that soothing to the innermost parts of my soul.

We drove to the theatre for opening night, hours early in order to "run some things".
Once again Production was considered themselves to be the priority and trumped all of the time, so we verbally went over transitions and got to play through a few rough spots, but that was it before we had bow rehearsals for the actors and a group photo to take and finally the audience was let into the theatre.

I was surprised at how many people actually showed up. It was nearly a full house, even the balcony was partially sold!
Backstage, we had a cute gift of piles of candy along with a message from Clay (Director):


I played to the best of my ability in the cramped pit...the main obstacles that I have are 1) I CANNOT find good posture when we're packed in like sardines, and that makes is uncomfortable to play my instrument, 2) the cymbals are literally one inch from my left ear so I have to put notes in my book to put in an earplug at certain points in the show, which distracts from actually playing music, and 3) we are so cramped that it is difficult to reach my mutes when I need to, so I'm having to skip a lot of mute changes.

But no one in the audience knows about any of this, and they laughed and cheered and seemed to have a wonderful time (playing comedy shows is the BEST!) After the show I followed Jameson to the lobby so he could greet his friends, and as a result I overheard many people wishing the show were running for a full week, not just two days. I totally agree. The props and scene work are amazing, and everyone has been working so hard, only for it to end after two performances. Doesn't seem right.

Some pictures, for context (most are courtesy Encore):




A pic of Jameson and I with one of his friends post-show (I love her cute skirt!)


Jameson was down about his performance, and the overall fact that he doesn't take joy from working on these shows any more. Part of that is his own mindset (negativity and self-depreciation currently), but the other part is that he gets very little public recognition for the FOUR MONTHS of work that he's poured into this production. Clay's name is on the program as the director, Clay gets a great deal of credit and attention...and I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, too. But it was Jameson, not Clay, who rehearsed the choir, rehearsed the orchestra, worked through cues and cuts and samples and tracking, for months and months, because Clay had to work (and yes Jameson was working full time while doing all of this as well.) As Jameson puts it, it's disappointing and disheartening. I would add "demeaning", to have to stand on the sidelines after putting in all of that work hoping for any kind of recognition, while Clay receives basically all of the media accolades. Clay is Jameson's good friend, and I wish for once that he'd remember to defer a large chunk of the credit to Jameson, not just verbally backstage but also in PUBLIC and in MEDIA STATEMENTS. But it's too late for that on this show, and this isn't the first time it's happened either.

I don't know. I just hate to see the person that I love disheartened, when he should be proud. Brushed aside, when he should be lifted up for all of the work that he's done. It seems very not right to me. And it put a big damper on the evening for both of us.

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Sunday, we are back to scalding hot temps and full sun out there.
I am typing this up and arguing with myself about going for a walk. I SHOULD, but it's gonna be SO GROSS.

(She did not, in fact, go for a walk.)

I repotted a plant that I've been meaning to repot, and read Saga comics, and goofed off online.

When it was time for the show, we went.
It went well, though the audience was a bit smaller and personally I thought there were more mistakes than the previous night (this is what a lot of musicians call "the second show phenomenon".) Overall I thought it went really well, once again it was a good crowd and after the show there were many friends to greet in the audience. This time it was more people that I actually knew, so we had some good conversations and I really felt welcomed back to Orlando :)

It was "load out", so I waited while Jameson packed up his things and then we hauled it to the parking garage.
There will probably be a cast party but a date hasn't been announced yet.

And, that's it! Spamalot is done.

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Now it's Monday, and I'm nervous, so my tummy hurts again.
Tomorrow I have the CT scan. Any medical procedure pretty much makes me nervous.
But it'll be good to get some answers.

I'm hoping for "You need to work on being less anxious" or "See that? That's an ulcer."

Thursday, I made myself a last cup of "science coffee" before stashing that whole brewing kit away.

Jameson's dad gets in today and he uses a standard drip brewer, so that will live on the counter while he's here.

After breakfast I chopped up my caramel.
The wrappers that I bought are convenient, but I still had to cut them down, so next time I'll look for a smaller size.
They are still definitely nicer than the parchment paper, and saved me probably 20-30 minutes of time too.

Jameson's dad showed up just a few minutes after I finished that project.
Jameson was still working, so we took ourselves to BurgerFi for lunch where I ordered a chicken sandwich because I forgot that they're fried. But it's ok, I know we are having wings and pizza for dinner so if I cut back a little there, then have fresh fruits and veggies for snacks, that should set me right.

After lunch he and Jameson got together to catch up, so I drove to Whole Paycheck to get the wings and sauce.
And other random stuff that I don't need of course. A coconut dessert tea, and mint hand soap for the kitchen.

Jameson's dad went for a run and I did a little computer work and tried the coconut tea.
For dinner we had the pizza, and I manned the air fryer.
We made three batches of wings: buffalo, 5-spice dry rub, and habanero mango bourbon.
Our favorite is always the buffalo, using sauce by New Primal. Good stuff.

We watched The Menu, which was kind of comedy-horror, poking fun at basically every cooking show trope out there.
No spoilers, but the part where the "foodie" gets called out for being a snob who knows nothing about food made me self-conscious, wondering if I'm like that. I hope not. Yeah I take pics of my food, but I sure don't claim to know how to cook half the things I get to eat. The privilege of enjoying someone else's hard work in the kitchen is not lost on me.

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Friday, I got up early and went to Firestone to have them diagnose my ABS.
As suspected, the sensor on the front tires is broken. They also said I might have an issue with the cylinder or rotor (don't remember which), "but we won't know until we get in there". Hmmm, that's a big expensive maybe.

Repairing the sensor would be $500, and repairing the rotor (assuming it needed it) would make it $1k.
So, no thanks. I'll live with no ABS.

On the way back I stopped at Wawa for coffee, and was surprised to see Oh Ryan's Irish potato candy!


They're coconut creme balls coated in cinnamon, and they taste fantastic.
They are made exclusively in a tiny town in PA, which is why I was surprised to find them here.
My friends have since pointed out that Wawa is a PA-based chain, but I didn' think they'd stock obscure PA foods aaaaaallll the way down in Florida. Maybe there was demand from the snowbirds.

Back home Jameson tried it and raved over it, so now I gotta remember to get it once a year :)

Then I used my last Meyer lemon--now aged a month and kinda pruny--to make lemon gummy candy.
All you need is gelatin, lemon juice, and either honey or maple syrup.
A few minutes on the stove to liquify everything, ten minutes in the freezer for the gelatin to set.

That's all it took to form this GUMMY FRISBEE.


I sliced it into wiggly strips, and that was fun.
The flavor isn't very strong, but I think you'd need citric acid or other additives to match commercial gummies.
Anyway, five minutes of entertainment.


There was still half a lemon left, so what the heck.
I made a half-batch of lemon poppyseed muffins.

Though they look pretty, they are once again too dense.
I overmixed and/or overbaked them.



They are at least not rubbery, so I'll bring one as travel food on Sunday.
I froze two, left three in a tupperware on the counter for the men-folk, and sacrificed the sixth so I could rip it open and have a look at the crumb. It looks "ok", not great. And they're dry. Meh, whatever. If I don't practice, they won't get any better.

Cleaned up and went for a walk. It's 62F today, and in Colorado Springs the highs will be in the low 20s.
I need to stock up on the warmth and the vitamin D.

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Saturday morning I had breakfast and chatted with Jameson's dad, then pretended to work while Jameson actually worked.

To be fair, I did trim the dead leaves from my banana tree and check in for my flight.

Later on we went to Rock n' Brews for lunch, where Jameson's dad and I had salads and Jameson had fish tacos.
Then we went mini golfing at one of the cheesy tourist traps along 192.
It was more fun than I expected, and I'm terrible at mini golf. Jameson got TWO hole-in-ones! Jameson's dad and I were fighting each other for last for a while, but in the end I won that spot :p

For dinner we wanted P.F. Chang's, but the nearest one is an hour away near Millennia Mall. We decided to try a "Chang's To Go" that's recently popped up over in Hamlin. It took a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy long time for them to make our food...I think we waited for nearly 45 minutes. While we waited loads of other people came and went with takeout orders, so that seems to be the way to do it (it IS called "to go" after all, whoops). When we finally got our food it was hot and delicious and the quality was just the same as it would be at the restaurant. We would eat there again but next time would probably call the order in in advance. Also this was the first time I've had Chang's short ribs, and DAMN they were good. I may just order those as my entree next time.

So it was a nice day for all of us, shooting the shit and doing fun stuff together.

Before going to bed I made sure I was packed and ready to go back on tour.

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Sunday, got up at 5:30 after a restless sleep.
Jameson's dad graciously drove me to the airport (that's usually a $90 taxi) and we chatted on the way.
He saw me off, and I checked in and dropped my bags and got through security without a hitch.

Had half a bagel and some leftover chicken and a fruit jerky for breakfast.
As I was eating Brandon (bass) joined me, he'd been booked on the same flight.
We shared our layoff doings until it was time to board. The flight was straightforward, to DFW with a short layover just long enough for me to buy some boiled egg whites to eat with my dried edamame and the other half of the bagel.
The next flight to CO Springs had many more Tootsie people on it, which was nice.

As soon as we landed I could feel the lower oxygen, and how my body's breathing pattern was not lining up any more...every once in a while as I was walking through the airport my heart felt like it skipped a beat, and that's because I wasn't breathing enough to compensate for the lower oxygen. It'll take some getting used to.
But anyway that's to be expected. Katie (physical therapist) and I got a cab together since there were no Ubers, and we got to the hotel by 3. The rooms are nice and spacious and modern. I wish we were here for a full week.

I went out and had loads of foodie adventures right away, but will save that for the next post.
For now, I'm resting and hydrating. I have a mild headache and nausea, similar to a hangover, which is a normal high-altitude reaction for me. It usually goes away with water and a good night's sleep :)

Tomorrow we have our first show here in the mountains. Let's DO EET.