Happy Birthday to Me

It was another week.

I can't think of anything new or exciting that happened, other than feeling more annoyed that I can't go to the gym, or take my boyfriend somewhere to get him out of his head.

I went through the week feeling a little contemplative, probably because my birthday was at the end of the week.
I'll be 37 years old. Is that considered old? I'm not sure.

Some days I feel old, especially since I don't get to exercise any more. I feel like my balance is shittier and my muscles aren't as toned...I mean, they're definitely not. I have a lot more grey hairs, it seems I took after my dad and grew them at the temples first. I lose patience more quickly. I don't get enough sleep. I worry about my weight.

Other days, I feel, well...me. There's probably a little part of all of us that just doesn't ever grow up. I mean, why should we?

I felt like my birthday came early throughout the week as fun presents kept showing up, some from friends and some presents to myself. The leather jacket that I bought using a gift card from my sister turned out to be too big, so I've sent it back and am waiting for store credit to buy it again, a size or two smaller.

The butter paddles that I commissioned from one of my former classmates-turned-woodworker are complete, and will be arriving soon. They're made of walnut, with a delicate strip of maple. I guess there was a guide to making this online...amazing. A recipe for woodcutting. He shared the process on Instagram, it was fascinating to see and makes the end product so much more valuable to me, knowing the work and craftsmanship that went into something so simple.






Since many people have asked: butter paddles are used to squeeze the buttermilk out of homemade butter. You could do this with your hands as well, but it's a lot messier. You can also use these paddles to form gnocchi (so you know I'm gonna!) Obviously this is not a kitchen utensil I'll be using every day, but in some ways that will make them even more special.

A surprise box showed up from my friend Sarah, who is skilled at knitting and crafting costumes for cosplay.
Guess what was inside!


Do you know what this is? If you do, you're probably an 80's kid :)
Here's your hint:

We called them "yip yips", but maybe "yep yeps" would be more accurate.
Some of my favorite Sesame Street characters. And now I have one of my own! Thank you so much Sarah.
Of course, now that I have it I don't quite know what to do with it! I'm thinking of either hanging it in my car somewhere, or using it to hold some small things in the bathroom. Maybe it can be a weird stocking at Christmastime!

Throughout the week Jameson has been shuffling boxes sneakily past me and into the studio. I know they're presents...but what are they? Why are there so many?

Two boxes showed up unexpectedly in the mail, one from my sister Raven and one from my sister Kate.
I very rarely do gifts on birthdays...I certainly don't expect them on my own birthday either. I feel very spoiled!

It was a rough week for Jameson. Sometimes he gets really "cloudy", which is his way of describing depressed.
I felt bad that he's putting special effort into my birthday while not feeling great.

Tuesday's steno class seemed to go all right, I just have a lot of work to do. It feels very overwhelming.
On Wednesday I spent almost the whole day cleaning and cooking so I wouldn't have to do those things on my birthday. Even so, I didn't finish everything that I wanted to. I did laundry, made chicken salad, prepped mac and cheese to make air fryer mac and cheese bites, made a salad, cleaned up the dishes. Dug around in my pollinator garden, but didn't weed like I had planned. Talked with Sarah on the phone (the one who's husband recently died of cancer) and had a hard time knowing what to say, but just tried to keep her company. Brought the lemon tree indoors because it's supposed to get pretty cold tonight. Had planned to hit Publix for some forgotten ingredients, but somehow didn't have the time.

The mac and cheese bites were easy to make, I just rolled the mac and cheese into little balls, breaded them, and into the air fryer they went.



After them came chunks of cod, also breaded but with a different seasoning.


Served with a nice salad. Not all that healthy, but it could have been worse.

After cleaning up from that I decided not to do any steno, just to give myself a break. Lately I've been practicing steno at work, practicing when I get home, constantly thinking about it and trying to improve at it, and I think it's fair to take a day off once in a while. I had some tea and wrote this up while Jameson started a new horror game that reminded both of us of Centralia (and therefore also Silent Hill).

When we went to bed, Jameson made me promise not to go into the kitchen for the rest of the night. Then he went out there to set "something" up. My presents!

I had a really good night's sleep (like drooling on the pillow and everything), and when I woke up, went straight out to the kitchen! Because excitement!


My thoughtful boyfriend, after watching me struggle with making bread, decided that I needed a better way to go about it.
He did some research and found Baking Bread for Beginners by Bonnie O'Hara, along with a bunch of equipment to assist with the process of breadmaking. He also got me THE kitchen scale, like one of the best available!

I just want to mention that I thought he was going to get me a bread machine, and to be honest, I was really hoping he wouldn't. The reason is, I wanted to actually learn how to make bread, not just throw all the ingredients together and let a machine do it. I wanted to learn what good dough feels like while kneading, and learn how to make different kinds of breads myself. I would have absolutely appreciated a machine! But to me, it means a lot more that he got me the tools to excel MYSELF. I'm actually kinda touched by it, even though I suspect he didn't read into it as much as I am. But this is definitely more of what I was hoping for: a chance to try. I'm extremely thankful.

My sister Kate got me a Japanese "donabe" smoker!


I am pretty intimidated by this, but also excited and intrigued. Maybe I'll be able to smoke my jalapenos now! Or enjoy smoked salmon once in a while! All of the directions were in Japanese so I'll need to do some research before I can fire this up. Look forward to an experiment in about two weeks (I have a three day weekend then!)

My sister Raven got me a coffee siphon!


This was THE MOST intimidating, lol! It looks like a chemistry set! But actually,  once I had it set up it makes a lot of sense.
Unfortunately because I get up so early and don't have a lot of time, this will have to be a weekend indulgence. But I'm looking forward to trying it out next weekend :)

There are presents en route from my parents and my brother Jonah as well.
I am really spoiled. Honestly, I would have been just as happy today if there were no gifts, but they did make the day very special, and gave me a lot to look forward to! I am blessed to have such thoughtful, caring friends and family. And I need to express that more. Most of the time I assume no one thinks of me twice (not that they should). But people do care. And I need to step up and show that I care too, so that people don't think I'm ignoring them. I need to work on that.

Anyway, I decided to focus on breadmaking for the moment as I'd been planning to make bread this week anyway!
I didn't start with the book Jameson got me just yet, mostly because 95% of the baking flour in the house is wheat and of course a book for beginners doesn't want you to start with that! I decided to make another loaf of the wheat bread that worked last time, to help free up a container for some all-purpose or bread flour for the next attempt.

I made the recipe just the same as last time. And you know what? The dough came out PERFECTLY.
I'm not really sure how, but it came together just right, for the very first time.


I did make a mistake with proofing. I had it proof in the oven with some hot water, and I forgot that I'd need to remove the bread and start the preheat, meaning I'd need to end the proof early. I didn't do that, so the bread rose more than it should have (overprooved). Despite that, this is still the best loaf I've ever made.



I gave it a butter wash because I've read that can keep the crust soft. The crumb is perfect, although you can tell by the larger bubbles near the top that it did overproof a little.


I am EXTREMELY happy with how it turned out! And when this loaf is gone, I'll begin my "breaducation" with the book Jameson got me. Look forward to it!

For dinner we enjoyed Chicago-style hot dogs! I found some low sodium, all-beef dogs at Whole Foods, and some whole wheat hot dog buns. I added poppyseeds using an egg wash and five minutes in the oven. The toppings are all the traditional things: mustard, onion, relish, pickle, tomatoes, and pepperocinis (couldn't find sport peppers). They were delicious served with sweet potato tots out of the air fryer!


After cleaning up from dinner, Jameson had to teach his class and I had to attend mine. It went ok, but I really need to work on speedbuilding now that I'm getting used to the software.

I'm typing this at warp speed because I still need to pack my lunch, get my clothes ready for work, and respond to all the birthday wishes on facebook. Most of the time I loathe facebook and everyone on it, so it surprises me every year when people extend kindness on my birthday.  I need to learn to be kinder.

Final note, last week I had pretty much decided not to post any more food/cooking pictures. For a while, every time I posted a food pic someone would have to "mansplain" me on what I should have done, or criticize me for doing this and not that, etc etc. I don't post food pics to get critiques or instructions. I post them because I want people to enjoy them. I don't know how to cook very well.  I certainly don't know how to bake whatsoever. And that's SUPPOSED TO BE ok. I just want to share my journey with others who I know, for a fact, are not professional chefs with all the answers. When people turn my posts into something negative, something to pick apart, it makes me not want to do it any more.

What I really need to do, though, is cut those people out of my life. Suggestions and helpful advice are fine. Telling me what to do, or criticizing what I did do, are rude and unhelpful responses to my posts. So, I just won't tolerate that.

The reason I'm going to continue posting food pics is because my coworkers, out of nowhere, got upset when I mentioned I was going to stop. One said she'd bought an air fryer based on my pictures and experiences, another said she's learning to make caramel because she was inspired that I learned to do it. I was really surprised. This is exactly why I share cooking pics! So I will keep doing it for now. Thank you all for being supportive, it really means a lot, and it makes me very glad if anything I post is helpful or encouraging to someone else. <3

Ok, I reeeeally need to go pack my lunch. Enjoy the food pics and look forward to more next week!