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Normal Florida Week
Sep. 3rd, 2023 08:04 pmI am such a total wreck lately.
But this being a public post, I'll spare you. If you have ever had health anxiety you'll know what I mean; if not, just be glad you don't have to deal with it because it's scary, feels terrible, and is exhausting.
Work was also weirdly frustrating. I spent nearly an hour working on a complex profile with a lot of information scattered throughout pages of what was basically someone's entire life story. We're SUPPOSED to be processing formal intake forms with fields like Name, Birthdate, Religion, etc., but this was, like, a typed word document, with paragraphs. A literary work!
I carefully found all of the important info, filled out their profile, saved my work....and it didn't save.
I had saved once earlier thank god, so didn't lose everything...but lost more than half of the work. I tried clearing cookies and doing it again, and still couldn't save. Tried logging in and out, tried saving in three different browsers...nothing worked. So I sent an error ticket and informed my supervisor so she wouldn't raise her eybrows at the insane amount of time I spent on that profile today.
Then later on I ran into a duplicated profile and couldn't find a way to delete the duplicate. Someone in another department was able to help me out, but today must have been my day for running into weird stuff at work.
Because I was in a general state of high anxiety I was working more slowly than usual, so maybe that's why I ended up an hour short by the end of the day. Jameson and I had dinner, then he worked on homework and I completed my missing hour. I also got some tour paperwork including a contact sheet. The French hornist for the show found me and friended me first...a French horn! Yay!! We chatted a bit, and I found out that most of the musicians in the pit are female! How exciting! A big change of pace for me!
The instrumentation is MD/Keyboard, Concertmaster/Violin, Cello, Reed 1, Reed 2, Trumpet, French Horn, Trombone, Bass, and Drums.
Still ten musicians, but one keyboard instead of two, violin and cello instead of guitar and Key 2, and the horn replacing a trumpet.
I'm grateful that they have a trombone...and I can tell you that the ONLY reason they have a trombone is because of "Get Me To The Church On Time":
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I woke up at 3am again last night due to tension/anxiety, but was able to remind myself that it was definitely just anxiety, I've been through this before, and nothing is actually wrong. I talked to myself in the way Jameson used to talk to me, when he was in a better mindspace. And in the way my mom used to talk to me, when she was alive. Sometimes, you're the only one available to give two f*cks about yourself, and about your emotional state. And in those times, talking to yourself, like a parakeet professing love to a mirror, is better than the alternative.
So I woke up a few hours later around 8:30, breakfast, watched anime, swept the pool deck, which only took 20-30 minutes but by the time I was done my clothes were soaked with sweat. Lunch, to the grocery for ingredients, home to practice trombone and clean the bathrooms.
Dinner was supposed to be HelloFresh but I forgot that it was a crock pot recipe, and realized too late to start it.
So we had takeout Greek, watched an episode of Forged in Fire, then Jameson went out with some friends and I vacuumed and read and listened to quiet music and watched anime.
I went outside to put a tote bag back in my car, and saw this snail climbing our garage door.
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I guess I'll be waking up at 3am every night in a panic now. Great.
Woke BACK up around 9, breakfast, worked on Foodie Finds.
Jameson wanted to go for a walk with me, so we went and it was humid and disgusting and made us wish for fall, real fall.
But I am always happier when he joins me for walks.
I made an appointment for the blood draw I was supposed to have months ago, and I will try not to cancel it. Even if I panic and pass out and whatever, I need to get it done or I will lose my pcp. After lunch I remembered to start the crock pot meal. I practiced trombone, watched a little Wheel of Time, and helped my stepmom with some stuff she's working on for her house.
Close to dinnertime I got a surprise call from my aunt, who has been fighting bronchitis.
We talked about our concerns and health issues and worries. She is pretty much the only relative who actually checks on me, and vice versa, so we are very glad to have each other to confide in.
I was describing my absolute terror of going for this blood draw, and she asked, "Can you pinpoint exactly what it is you're afraid of?" I opened my mouth to answer, and realized...there really isn't anything. I'm afraid of the sensation of the needle going in, and of fluid flowing out of me. I'm afraid of the embarrassment and awful sensation of passing out. I'm afraid of being brushed off and treated like my concerns or fears don't matter by the nurse. And I said that out loud. And my aunt didn't question it. But it made me think, is that stuff worth being afraid of? Saying them out loud made those fears smaller and more insignificant. And immediately made me feel better about the whole thing. I decompressed a little, right then and there.
So, in addition to relaxation exercises and therapy, I'll start incorporating saying the fear out loud; pinpointing what exactly it is about the situation/activity that makes me so afraid and uptight, and voicing that. Maybe that will help me to add another dollop of logic to these panic situations.
I was finally able to have a good night's sleep too.
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I got up early to do my data entry job, but remember how I couldn't save my work earlier in the week?
Well now it's a sitewide issue impacting the entire company. I've started a plague, ya'll.
Since there was no way to do any work, and certainly no one will be addressing this over a holiday weekend, I got to enjoy another day off. I went for a walk, and it was hot and disgusting but there was also a pleasant breeze.
Want to come with me?
( Go on a Walk )
Back home I got cleaned up and had lunch, then started on the dough for homemade breadsticks.
It's a very easy basic dough. While it was proofing I got the bolognese going. It'll simmer all day until dinnertime.
By the time I was done with the sauce and cleaning up the dough was ready to be shaped.
I'm not good at shaping.
But they still turned out fine. Brushed them with butter and garlic powder, and put a pizza seasoning blend on half of 'em.
They were surprisingly light and fluffy, flavorful and delicious with the marinara.
Jameson said they were better than Olive Garden's! I don't know about that, but they were definitely comparable.
The rest of the night was chill. We heard jets going by overhead and found out that it's a flyover for a football game at nearby Camping World Stadium.
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When you read this it'll be Monday, and I guess Labor Day.
Since no one will be in the office to fix our company-wide error, I assume I'll have another unscheduled day off.
Jameson has a special-event Disney gig next week, so he'll be gone quite a lot, so this is actually good timing: I'll be more inclined to put in more hours when he's not around to spend time with. But we will see; it all depends on this error getting fixed.
My only other plans are to work, have my blood draw on Thursday, and maybe make something from Baking Yesteryear.
But this being a public post, I'll spare you. If you have ever had health anxiety you'll know what I mean; if not, just be glad you don't have to deal with it because it's scary, feels terrible, and is exhausting.
Work was also weirdly frustrating. I spent nearly an hour working on a complex profile with a lot of information scattered throughout pages of what was basically someone's entire life story. We're SUPPOSED to be processing formal intake forms with fields like Name, Birthdate, Religion, etc., but this was, like, a typed word document, with paragraphs. A literary work!
I carefully found all of the important info, filled out their profile, saved my work....and it didn't save.
I had saved once earlier thank god, so didn't lose everything...but lost more than half of the work. I tried clearing cookies and doing it again, and still couldn't save. Tried logging in and out, tried saving in three different browsers...nothing worked. So I sent an error ticket and informed my supervisor so she wouldn't raise her eybrows at the insane amount of time I spent on that profile today.
Then later on I ran into a duplicated profile and couldn't find a way to delete the duplicate. Someone in another department was able to help me out, but today must have been my day for running into weird stuff at work.
Because I was in a general state of high anxiety I was working more slowly than usual, so maybe that's why I ended up an hour short by the end of the day. Jameson and I had dinner, then he worked on homework and I completed my missing hour. I also got some tour paperwork including a contact sheet. The French hornist for the show found me and friended me first...a French horn! Yay!! We chatted a bit, and I found out that most of the musicians in the pit are female! How exciting! A big change of pace for me!
The instrumentation is MD/Keyboard, Concertmaster/Violin, Cello, Reed 1, Reed 2, Trumpet, French Horn, Trombone, Bass, and Drums.
Still ten musicians, but one keyboard instead of two, violin and cello instead of guitar and Key 2, and the horn replacing a trumpet.
I'm grateful that they have a trombone...and I can tell you that the ONLY reason they have a trombone is because of "Get Me To The Church On Time":
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up at 3am again last night due to tension/anxiety, but was able to remind myself that it was definitely just anxiety, I've been through this before, and nothing is actually wrong. I talked to myself in the way Jameson used to talk to me, when he was in a better mindspace. And in the way my mom used to talk to me, when she was alive. Sometimes, you're the only one available to give two f*cks about yourself, and about your emotional state. And in those times, talking to yourself, like a parakeet professing love to a mirror, is better than the alternative.
So I woke up a few hours later around 8:30, breakfast, watched anime, swept the pool deck, which only took 20-30 minutes but by the time I was done my clothes were soaked with sweat. Lunch, to the grocery for ingredients, home to practice trombone and clean the bathrooms.
Dinner was supposed to be HelloFresh but I forgot that it was a crock pot recipe, and realized too late to start it.
So we had takeout Greek, watched an episode of Forged in Fire, then Jameson went out with some friends and I vacuumed and read and listened to quiet music and watched anime.
I went outside to put a tote bag back in my car, and saw this snail climbing our garage door.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I guess I'll be waking up at 3am every night in a panic now. Great.
Woke BACK up around 9, breakfast, worked on Foodie Finds.
Jameson wanted to go for a walk with me, so we went and it was humid and disgusting and made us wish for fall, real fall.
But I am always happier when he joins me for walks.
I made an appointment for the blood draw I was supposed to have months ago, and I will try not to cancel it. Even if I panic and pass out and whatever, I need to get it done or I will lose my pcp. After lunch I remembered to start the crock pot meal. I practiced trombone, watched a little Wheel of Time, and helped my stepmom with some stuff she's working on for her house.
Close to dinnertime I got a surprise call from my aunt, who has been fighting bronchitis.
We talked about our concerns and health issues and worries. She is pretty much the only relative who actually checks on me, and vice versa, so we are very glad to have each other to confide in.
I was describing my absolute terror of going for this blood draw, and she asked, "Can you pinpoint exactly what it is you're afraid of?" I opened my mouth to answer, and realized...there really isn't anything. I'm afraid of the sensation of the needle going in, and of fluid flowing out of me. I'm afraid of the embarrassment and awful sensation of passing out. I'm afraid of being brushed off and treated like my concerns or fears don't matter by the nurse. And I said that out loud. And my aunt didn't question it. But it made me think, is that stuff worth being afraid of? Saying them out loud made those fears smaller and more insignificant. And immediately made me feel better about the whole thing. I decompressed a little, right then and there.
So, in addition to relaxation exercises and therapy, I'll start incorporating saying the fear out loud; pinpointing what exactly it is about the situation/activity that makes me so afraid and uptight, and voicing that. Maybe that will help me to add another dollop of logic to these panic situations.
I was finally able to have a good night's sleep too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I got up early to do my data entry job, but remember how I couldn't save my work earlier in the week?
Well now it's a sitewide issue impacting the entire company. I've started a plague, ya'll.
Since there was no way to do any work, and certainly no one will be addressing this over a holiday weekend, I got to enjoy another day off. I went for a walk, and it was hot and disgusting but there was also a pleasant breeze.
Want to come with me?
( Go on a Walk )
Back home I got cleaned up and had lunch, then started on the dough for homemade breadsticks.
It's a very easy basic dough. While it was proofing I got the bolognese going. It'll simmer all day until dinnertime.
By the time I was done with the sauce and cleaning up the dough was ready to be shaped.
I'm not good at shaping.
But they still turned out fine. Brushed them with butter and garlic powder, and put a pizza seasoning blend on half of 'em.
They were surprisingly light and fluffy, flavorful and delicious with the marinara.
Jameson said they were better than Olive Garden's! I don't know about that, but they were definitely comparable.
The rest of the night was chill. We heard jets going by overhead and found out that it's a flyover for a football game at nearby Camping World Stadium.
----------------------------------------------------------------
When you read this it'll be Monday, and I guess Labor Day.
Since no one will be in the office to fix our company-wide error, I assume I'll have another unscheduled day off.
Jameson has a special-event Disney gig next week, so he'll be gone quite a lot, so this is actually good timing: I'll be more inclined to put in more hours when he's not around to spend time with. But we will see; it all depends on this error getting fixed.
My only other plans are to work, have my blood draw on Thursday, and maybe make something from Baking Yesteryear.
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