taz_39 | May. 6th, 2017

Before launching into this post, I'd like to say thank you to everyone for coming with me on this journey by reading my blog. I started it as a way to keep in touch with family, and it has become so much more to so many people. Thank you for creating something special with me. I am sorry that our journey is coming to an end.

I will continue to post here every Sunday up until the Blue Unit closes and the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus comes to a complete end on May 21st. Please understand that because I am not traveling with the Blue Unit, I will not be there in person to take photos, experience things, etc., but I will gather and share as much information on the closing as possible. I will be in the midst of learning a new job, so expect a few personal updates as well during that time.

After Ringling ends, unless there is some surprise revival of the brand name, I will not be posting anything more in this blog. I am going to gradually transfer it to WordPress (here's the link), fix the parts that are broken, and maintain it there for everyone to enjoy for as long as possible.

As always, thank you for reading.

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I took my time on Monday morning, intentionally delaying the drive to Providence. The train was already on the move, but would have to go north through Massachusetts before turning south to reach its final tour destination. I mulled over how to kill time, and eventually decided that it would be ok to have a slow day of down time since it's going to be a busy week. I wanted to have a good lunch, somewhere unique to Rhode Island. I found Italian Corner. It seemed like the kind of place that Jameson and I would have picked to visit together.

After a nice 1.5 hour drive I got there. What a huge amazing selection of Italian meats!

Italian Corner was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives for its "brasato" (meaning "braised") sandwich, so that's what I ordered. CLICK HERE to see what goes into making a brasato sandwich. To sum it up, it's house-braised roast beef on a house-baked roll, salsa rossa (sun-dried tomato and pepper puree), a special house sauce (mayo, vinegar, parsley, capers, onion, garlic, and anchovies), topped with lettuce and tomato. It was absolutely delicious. I may need to come back here before driving to Kansas City.

Nothing like delicious food to temporarily drown out the misery of losing your job. After my meal I drove to the Providence Public Library to kill some time. I worked on this post, and watched live facebook videos of our final train run. How sad. But everything this week will feel sad.

There are so many emotions. Primarily, like most of us, I'm beside myself over losing this lifestyle that I ended up caring so deeply about. I think that people who are or have actually been out here, living this life, know that a great deal is being lost with the closing of this show, more than people may realize. I can tell that many people are angry with the Felds, or at the very least frustrated because it's not entirely clear WHY. I think that those feelings are completely justified. In fact you can probably expect a long tirade from me at some point before the Blue Unit closes. But while it's OK to be angry, I also hope that in the end, most people who have enjoyed Ringling Bros. shows from the 60's through present day would acknowledge that what they've enjoyed for decades has been a Feld show. And I hope that those who accuse the Felds of "not doing enough" would acknowledge that maintaining a financially exhaustive and legally embattled spectacle like Ringling for decades does indeed show an extremely significant investment of time and money on the part of the Felds. Anyway, it's a shame how things turned out. We may never have all the answers. But still. We've had a good time of it.

While this week is full of sadness laced with anger, I have to admit, a part of me is happy. Since we got the news in January, the past few months have been both slow and fast, painful and precious. Definitely an agonizing pull of the band-aid. Once everything is over on Sunday, well...it's over. No more waiting, no more desperately trying to make memories as everything slips away. It'll be gone and done. In a way, that will be a relief. Not right away, and I'm sure for years to come we'll miss the circus terribly. Look, I'm trying to see a positive side here :P

Anyway, the train arrived early in Providence. There was no need to text someone to find out our ETA...facebook was filled with live feeds and photos and commentary lamenting the last-ever Red Unit train run. These folks followed the train all the way from Hartford. Thank you, whoever you are. You're the reason we get up in the morning.

(photo courtesy Amanda Stevens Photography)

As Nikki (train crew) put it, "Never again will we feel the train move beneath our feet, or get rocked to sleep, or see the beautiful countryside by rail on the circus train. The next time this train moves, she will be an empty grave."

She's right. On Monday May 8th, we will all have to be off the train. From Providence it will travel to Newark for the offloading of any cars that have been sold. The remaining cars will be taken to Florida. Many of these will be sold for scrap metal. It's a terrible shame, but who is going to buy two mile-long circus trains? At least a few of the cars will live on in other capacities.

Though the train will not be moving for us ever again, we are still living on it this week. Once I heard that we were spotting, I packed up and drove to a grocery store, then found dinner. And why not somewhere special again? I chose Tom's Bao Bao, a restaurant specializing in steamed dumplings. Oh my goodness, they were so good. Fluffy and light like pillows, bursting with flavor inside. I tried the chicken/cabbage/carrot bao, and the curried beef/potato/carrot bao. Might have to come back here again too!

Back at the train I unpacked and settled in for the night.

The next day was a day off. I went through my room again, gathering any items that would not be coming with me to Kansas City and driving them to a nearby thrift store. I packed all of my clothes except for about a week's worth, and threw away extra boxes and trash. I was sad to have to throw away my "spool stool"...bear with me, this is kinda stupid...it's a stool that I made out of a steel spool I found in Mexico City and a broken bar stool cushion that I found in Oklahoma City. Spool stool. Stool spool. I used to think that was funny. Anyway it's in the trash now.

I wanted to go for a walk but the weather couldn't seem to decide what kind of day it was. Instead I did some work on the blog, made more arrangements for my new apartment, and tried to relax and not think if I could help it. In the evening Tom (keys) came by to give me some cookies as payment for a ride to a bus station a few weeks ago. You are too generous Tom! No payment was necessary! He'd gotten the cookies from the local Italian district, and they were extremely fresh and delicious. Geez, I am going to have to hit the gym hard in KC.

While I was enjoying a day off, others were loading in to the arena for the last time. Rebecca (wardrobe) took a live video of the process. Judah (floor crew boss) took some great photos.