goofball on a train

Hi Everybody.

First off, many of you have suggested that I continue writing this blog, while others say that it's a good idea to end it here. I've decided to continue writing for those who want to follow. BUT, if you have no interest in reading further, fear not! As mentioned in a previous post, I am moving ALL of the circus-related posts to THIS WORDPRESS BLOG, and there you can read it down like a book. Please be aware that I'm going to have to transfer five years' worth of posts one by one, and this will take some time. Thank you for your patience.


This week I have gathered some additional photos and things from the final days of the Red Unit that I wanted to share with you.

This photo was taken by Amanda Stevens during the final Red Unit tiger act. Taba (tiger trainer) was holding it together pretty well until the final trick, which involved all of the tigers sitting up in a row. He lined them up for the trick, then broke down in tears. Absolutely sobbing in the middle of the arena with several thousand people looking on. His daughter was standing outside the ring, and although she wasn't facing me it was clear that she was crying hard. Thirty years. Taba has worked with these and other tigers for thirty years, and it all came to an end after this final bow. His daughter has been on the road and worked with the cats since she was a young child. I would cry too, if I were about to lose my life's work.

Eventually Taba composed himself enough to have the tigers do the trick, then sent them to their places. At that point he normally would have dismissed them, but he was still trying to stop crying. At that moment, one of the tigers got down off her pedestal, walked up to him, and nuzzled him, as though to ask, "Why are you crying?" And Taba grabbed her and squeezed her and cried into her fur.


Everyone in the arena was standing, and many people were crying. It was a heartbreaking and beautiful moment, and we should all thank Amanda for capturing it. <3

And if you find that touching, I suggest you read this interview with Taba, published on May 6th. Absolutely heartbreaking. (CLICK HERE to read)

As I mentioned in the last post, many people had not moved off the train yet by Sunday night. Most of the moving out occurred on Monday. For some people, this train has been their home for their entire lives. Ivan (clown) was born here, and had to say goodbye to the train forever. If this doesn't break your heart I don't know what will.

Circus people care deeply about their home on wheels. Nikki (train crew) even has a tattoo on her leg of her train car.


Come to think of it, many circus people have tattoos to commemorate their time on the circus. In fact, Matt "Toy Store" got this tattoo to commemorate the death of Ringling as we know it.

After the last show on Sunday I chose to drive halfway to Hartford, to a town called Sturbridge. There were several "old fashioned" or "colonial-style" hotels in the area at a good price. I picked one and settled in. Neat wallpaper.

The next morning I decided to continue to Hartford and eat breakfast there. There was plenty of time...the train was not supposed to arrive until 2am(!) but I was crossing my fingers for an early arrival. I found an Au Bon Pain and enjoyed a bagel sandwich with smoked salmon, cucumbers, wasabi spread, herb cream cheese, on a dill and onion bagel.

To kill time I worked on more resumes for my friends. And then I made a trip that I've been meaning to make since joining the circus, and somehow never got around to it: visiting the Hartford circus fire memorial. (CLICK HERE to read more about the Hartford circus fire.)

The memorial is located in a not-so-nice area in the North End, behind an elementary school. I circled the school once, unsure about where to park, but when I pulled into the school's lot I saw that they had a pretty decent visitor parking lot. To get to the memorial I had to walk fully around the school via either the front or the back. There are playgrounds on both sides and recess was in full swing. I chose to go around the front, figuring if I was going to look like a creeper I may as well be as visible about it as possible.

On the other side of the school there was a pavement path leading to the back. It then became a gravel trail lined with markers to commemorate the tragedy that took place here 73 years ago.

I followed the path, reading each marker in turn. They spelled out the disaster minute by minute. As a circus employee, it made me feel uneasy to imagine what it must have been like. Every performer's worst nightmare. And looking across the open space behind the elementary school, it seemed like there were areas where the grass still wasn't growing back.


At the end of the path was a diagram of the memorial, showing how it marked the actual location of the circus tent on the day it burned down in 1944.


The main memorial stands where the center ring was on the day of the tragedy. It's a raised metal circle with a depiction of the big top etched on it, and the names of victims engraved all around it.




The circle is surrounded by a number of bricks, many of which bear inscriptions in memory of loved ones who perished in the fire, or express thankfulness for survival. I was especially touched by all the bricks thanking emergency responders.

This series of bricks in particular was very saddening to read.

At the corners of the brick plaza were metal diamonds inscribed with famous words, to offer some comfort in the face of a seemingly senseless tragedy.


Looking at the map again, I saw that there was supposed to be a marker for the entrance of the circus tent. It seemed to be partway across the playground in an area that had since been paved and painted with hopscotch patterns. I found the marker...I think? It took a while to find because there was absolutely nothing to distinguish it from the pavement.

Standing there and looking back at the center ring and past it to where the other end of the tent would have been gave me a sense of scale for the tent. It would have been HUGE. Back at the map, I was pleased to see that the bandstand was marked with a dogwood tree. The trees had been planted where tent pegs once stood, at the bandstand's location, and where the animal entrance portal had been.

I walked over there and stood where the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus band had performed on July 6, 1944.

After a good night's sleep at my parent's house, I woke up and had breakfast with my Mom on Monday morning. I was able to book a detailing service to clean my car (let's be real, a college-age man has had it for several years and it needs a good cleaning!). The next door neighbor was kind enough to take me to drop the car off. After that some of Mom's friends came over to play cards. We had a good time (though my team lost!) and enjoyed a nice lunch together. One of the ladies took me to pick my car up. I got it right at closing time, and unfortunately didn't notice that there was now a giant brown stain on the backseat that hadn't been there when I dropped it off :( I was disappointed, but the company was very responsive and offered to fix it for me the next day.

The rest of the day was great, I went to Bible study with my parents and we had dinner together at the Turkey Hill Brewery. I received the leasing paperwork and official application acceptance from the apartment in Kansas City, so now I have a place to live. Yay!

On Tuesday I got up early for a meeting with my bank, then returned to the detailing place to see if they'd be able to remove the stain from my backseat. They were able to improve it a great deal, and I was happy with that. Then we met my sister Kate for brunch and had a good time socializing and catching up with each other. We went to see Beauty and the Beast, and all agreed that it was quite good. Animation has gotten SO amazing!!! And the plot was deeper and more "adult" than the cartoon version. There were even elements from the original French fairy tale, which hadn't been present in Disney's original version. We really enjoyed it. After that we ran a few errands, and I set up my utilities for the new apartment. When my Dad got home we went to dinner at a nice Italian place in a neighboring town with Kate and her husband Pat. We had a great time and enjoyed each others' company.

On Wednesday my Aunt Nicole invited my Mom, Kate and I to brunch! I was glad to see her as we don't get to visit often. She gave me a present: a HQ image of my newspaper article in the Press Enterprise! She even offered to have it framed, but I've declined for now. After our meal I said goodbye to Kate and my aunt, promising to see them again "soon"...whatever that will mean! Hopefully at least over the holidays!!

Back home I made sure the car was packed, then hugged my Mom goodbye. Dad was at work so I'd said goodbye to him the night before. I felt bad for having so little time to spend with my family, and for leaving somewhat earlier than totally necessary. But there is just so much to do. Anyway, I'm grateful that I got a chance to see much of my immediate family before moving to Kansas City.

It took longer than expected to reach the train thanks to bad timing (I hit rush hour traffic in CT), but I made it there all the same. There is a Walmart nearby and I stopped there first to grab dinner and some groceries.

The next morning I woke early to take my car to a Toyota dealership. It was due for many recalls, and on top of that when I got it back from my brother I had immediately noticed a knocking sound coming from one of the wheel wells. It turned out to be the right front axle :( An expensive repair, but this is the first major repair I've had to do on my car after putting over 100,000 miles on it, so I won't complain! While waiting for the repairs I hung out in the dealership waiting room, walked to a grocery and a thrift store, and chatted with Jameson. Repairs were finished late afternoon, at which point I had a quick interview with a BBC reporter. Then I was supposed to go over my complicated taxes with my preparer, but didn't make it back to the train in time, so will have to reschedule that. Grand. I spent the rest of the evening doing laundry and enjoying some down time.