Gigs n' Things
Jul. 31st, 2023 09:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taz_39On Monday I applied to more jobs, practiced trombone, and had my first BetterHelp therapy session.
Because it was the first session it wasn't great, and I wasn't expecting it to be.
A large chunk of time was spent reviewing disclaimers and policies and how scheduling works. And then of course the therapist needed more details, so I had to spill my guts about embarrassing or TMI things to a complete stranger. Which I don't deeply mind for myself, but I worry that SHE minds.
Well...she seems nice enough, and was patient with me when I became exasperated at having to reword things so she might understand what I was saying. She ended the session with having me do my least-favorite exercise, the "Five Senses" one. I don't like this exercise because (as far as I can tell) I'm already way too hypersensitive. As in, the reason I hear and see and sense and smell so much is exactly because my alert settings are set too high; constant stress has conditioned me to constantly look for threats.
Being asked to touch five things and look for five things and whatever makes me feel like I've been thrown into a game show. Gotta hurry, hurry, find five things in this practically empty room, quick! What's next, c'mon, smellsmellsmell!! No idea how people find it centering or relaxing. But she doesn't know that about me. And I don't know if she'll ever know that, or if four sessions is enough for that to be made clear.
So therapy was what it was. And afterward I went for an "ok" walk, that seemed to go quickly because I was so in my own head and also so concerned that it might rain at any moment.
By the time I got back from my walk I had heard from one part of my job puzzle, and it was good news.
Now I just need one other piece to fall into place, then I can share what's going on, and also stop stressing about it!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday was barely worth mentioning. Super slow day.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday I got up an hour earlier than usual to have breakfast and prep some focaccia dough.
It's an overnight no-knead recipe with only four ingredients: bread flour, water, yeast, salt.
Took no time at all to throw together, but of course I had to clean up afterward.
Then ran some errands, took my large trombone to be repaired, practiced a little.
Tried to do a session of mindfulness therapy. Tried not to check my email for job news.
Went for a walk with Jameson in the scorching heat.
Early dinner because I had rehearsal an hour away with the party band.
It went better than I expected, mostly because everyone was very accommodating, my part had been updated with the most recent cuts and changes, and I wasn't forced to play any abstract jazz solos.
Please understand that whenever I take a "party band" or "Top 40s" or "wedding band" gig, 99.99% of the time it means being dropped into a room with nine older-than-me dudes who are used to being a room full of ALL dudes. So there are a lot of ways that things can go, not all of them pleasant for ME. Thankfully this band seemed like gentlemen, and they also seemed truly satisfied with my playing and how I fit in musically with the group. I think the gig will go well and I won't embarrass anyone, and that alone made attending the rehearsal (it was optional) worthwhile for sole purpose of calming my nerves.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, I was really tired of being tense and stressed about my job situation.
Especially since I'm paying for BetterHelp therapy which is next to useless because I can't calm down long enough to complete any of the meditation exercises.
But hey, I had some nice focaccia dough to bake.
This morning I took it out of the fridge, coated it in olive oil, and let it rise on the counter for two hours.
It didn't get as puffy as I had hoped (I like the unauthentic focaccia that looks like cake!) but I didn't want to let it sit any longer for fear of overproofing. Gave it the ol' dimple treatment with some more olive oil, rosemary, and Maldon sea salt.
Into the oven at 425°F for about 30 minutes, the last two minutes on broil to get a darker top.
The outside was crunchy and savory, the inside was super light, chewy and fluffy.
Jameson liked it a lot! He dipped a piece in oil and balsamic.
Next time I want to add more rosemary because a lot of it fell off during cutting.
Later on we went for a walk, which helped me release some nervous energy.
For dinner Jameson cooked HelloFresh miso peach pork chops, which were delicious and much appreciated.
And then....finally, after all of the stress and waiting....I got the answer I've been waiting for.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If you're an "LJ Friend" you've already had access to my private posts on my job situation, so this is for the rest of y'all.
About a month ago I was contracted with Disney to be a substitute musician on their annual Candlelight production, which is held in November and December. This means that I went through Disney's employment process and training, sent my availability for the event, and became an on-call Disney employee.
A few weeks ago, the touring company that I worked with on Tootsie called to offer me the trombone spot on the national tour of My Fair Lady. I had applied to the spot over a month ago but hadn't heard back. The tour runs from November through April.
The problem was that My Fair Lady's tour dates overlapped with Disney's Candlelight dates by almost a whole month in Nov/Dec. Note that Disney is NOT a real paying job...and My Fair Lady is. However I had already signed contracts with, and committed to, subbing for Disney. This doesn't mean I can't take other gigs; Disney can't expect substitute musicians to do nothing all winter because Disney "might" call them to fill in for an absent musician. We all still have to work and make a living. But the fact that I had already finalized with Disney did mean I had to prioritize my commitment as much as possible, while still trying to take the tour/the actual paying gig.
What I ended up doing was asking My Fair Lady to let me have a substitute trombonist for two weeks of the tour. Fortunately they were ok with that! So then I had to turn around and ask Disney if they'd be willing to reduce my Candlelight on-call availability by the OTHER two weeks. That way, both gigs would lose me for two weeks each, but neither would have to hunt down another trombonist.
My stage manager at Disney took several days to respond (I sent the email on Monday and didn't hear back until late Thursday night) and that REALLY stressed me out, because I thought it would be a simple "yes or no" and away we go. The delay made me wonder if there was a problem or if maybe she hadn't gotten my email. But finally last night she confirmed that my availability had been changed to reflect what I'd asked for.
So now I can share publicly: I'll be on tour with My Fair Lady in the fall!
And now I can FINALLY move on with my life!!! Sheesh.
Last night I sent off the signed contract for My Fair Lady, and emailed my former nursing home data entry job to ask if they could use me up through November. They can! So I will hopefully get to retrain with them next week.
I've been waiting for so long for things to stop dangling about just out of my reach, this is a huge relief.
The only thing left is FedWriters, and frankly I've kind of given up on them at this point.
If they get back to me before November, great; if not, that will be a shame. I am losing money and work this summer because of that, but there's nothing I can do, it's done.
The rest of the day was fairly chill. Jameson wasn't feeling well...we thought he'd caught my cold, and maybe he did, but mine faded away and his seems to be intensifying. I'm hoping he just has a sinus infection and not covid. In the afternoon I went out and got some new Covid tests and some ginger ale for him.
At night I drove an hour to Deland for a gig at Cafe DaVinci with the Groove Slayers.
It was a nice outdoor setup, lots of room for people to dance if they were so inclined.
I was front and center right next to the vocalist, so I went into "cruise ship mode" which is remembering to do little side-to-side dance moves, interact with the vocalist, throw some horn pops in there, and smile, smile, smile. I was dripping sweat before we even started playing, but had worn all black so it wouldn't be super obvious. I made some mistakes but so did other people, and I think none of mine were disruptive.
This kind of gig is "fun" to me in that it's engaging; challenging to interpret the messy scribbled-over charts, remember who's doing what for each song, or scrambling to cover when the bandleader shouts out a song that's not in the set list. And getting to meet and network with local musicians is fun and exciting! But other than that...there's a reason that I don't do party band gigs often. They're extroverted things, requiring a lot of social energy and stage presence, which I have only in shallow quantities. The pay is often not worth the long commutes, uncomfortable heat, time spent playing, or heckling you have to endure. I'm glad that I got to do this gig, but as I finally got home at 2am, sweaty and tired, I felt relieved that there's only one more.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday I woke up only slightly later than usual.
Had an enjoyable morning starting a new Megan's Foodie Finds for My Fair Lady.
The rest of the day was absolutely nothing.
I updated my ipad for the evening's gig, and marked through some of the MFL trombone part.
There was an Amazon delivery of B. Dylan Hollis's new cookbook, which we've been looking forward to!
It's recipes he's curated and listed by decade, most of which are unconventional by today's standards. Some are familiar (hot crossed buns) and others seem crazy but actually turn out pretty awesome (avocado pie). He even included a "Worst of the Worst" chapter with a few of the most hideous recipes he could find (think "Jello tuna". Blech.) I'm definitely making at least one of these next week.
(PS: if you don't want to buy the cookbook, his TikTok handle is @bdylanhollis and most of these recipes are there for FREE)
In the evening I drove out to Casselberry for the second gig with Groove Slayers, this time at a seedy local bar.
No stage this time, just a corner of an outdoor awning sectioned off by audio wedges.
We were pressed for space so there was less dancing around and more focus on not whacking my bandmates.
On the positive side, air circulation was much better and the lights less hot, so it felt cooler.
Also, I was asked to play not one but TWO longish solos, PLUS trade fours, and for once in my life I did well at this.
Improvisation and jazz solos are a thing that I've struggled with since I started playing the trombone. Most of my college years and early gigs were spent being sneered at by rooms full of men at every noise I made...and that wasn't even the half of it. Having no jazz experience and almost zero guidance (my oh-so-helpful teachers would say shit like, "You just gotta feel it" or "You either get it or you don't" instead of actually instructing me on jazz basics), I'd try to solo and of course it would sound like crap. I had no idea how to make it sound GOOD. So I'd be told I "wasn't a good fit," or would be sent off mid-gig to go record the band from the audience instead of performing. Once or twice I'd even be ridiculed and then sent home. And one very special time, I even had a band manager lie to me about a gig being canceled because he didn't want me to show up (I found out later that the gig had gone on as planned with a last-minute trombonist.)
So I developed a complex about playing jazz music. I believed that I was a horror at it, that I'd embarrass my bandmates if I played any kind of feature solo, and that I just didn't "get it" and never would. Fast forward to post-2017, I was able to gain confidence because I played with two wonderful bands: The Flashbacks, a party band in Kansas City that welcomed me and supported me even when my solos were not great; and the all-female Princess Cruises band, where the bass player took time to give me private improv lessons and the entire band lovingly supported my efforts every single night.
Even so, that doesn't really explain why or how I suddenly knew what to do last night. It just...happened. Usually having a bandmate nod at me to cue a solo is a moment of terror and inferiority for me. Yet somehow, last night, my brain kinda shrugged and said, "Cool," and off we went. Loads of compliments from my bandmates afterward too, which felt amazing.
39 years old, folks. Never give up.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, I woke up early despite having gotten to bed at 3am.
Had a blazing headache (not surprising after the deafening gig last night) that stuck with me all day.
In the afternoon, decided to make Lofthouse cookies.
I've been meaning to make them for a while, and figured why not scratch this cookie itch now before diving into Dylan's cookbook.
People down here often refer to these as "Publix cookies" too.
They turned out ok. The dough was very sticky...not sure if that's due to humidity or perhaps not enough flour (I didn't have the right kind.) You're supposed to roll out the dough and use a cookie cutter but the dough stuck to the rolling pin or the counter no matter what I did. So instead I had to shape and flatten them by hand. They're very good, a fluffy sugar cookie with light pink homemade buttercream.
-------------------------------------------------------------
On Monday I hope, first of all, that Jameson feels better.
And then, I have errands, therapy, and hopefully hearing from people about all that upcoming work.
Because it was the first session it wasn't great, and I wasn't expecting it to be.
A large chunk of time was spent reviewing disclaimers and policies and how scheduling works. And then of course the therapist needed more details, so I had to spill my guts about embarrassing or TMI things to a complete stranger. Which I don't deeply mind for myself, but I worry that SHE minds.
Well...she seems nice enough, and was patient with me when I became exasperated at having to reword things so she might understand what I was saying. She ended the session with having me do my least-favorite exercise, the "Five Senses" one. I don't like this exercise because (as far as I can tell) I'm already way too hypersensitive. As in, the reason I hear and see and sense and smell so much is exactly because my alert settings are set too high; constant stress has conditioned me to constantly look for threats.
Being asked to touch five things and look for five things and whatever makes me feel like I've been thrown into a game show. Gotta hurry, hurry, find five things in this practically empty room, quick! What's next, c'mon, smellsmellsmell!! No idea how people find it centering or relaxing. But she doesn't know that about me. And I don't know if she'll ever know that, or if four sessions is enough for that to be made clear.
So therapy was what it was. And afterward I went for an "ok" walk, that seemed to go quickly because I was so in my own head and also so concerned that it might rain at any moment.
By the time I got back from my walk I had heard from one part of my job puzzle, and it was good news.
Now I just need one other piece to fall into place, then I can share what's going on, and also stop stressing about it!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday was barely worth mentioning. Super slow day.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday I got up an hour earlier than usual to have breakfast and prep some focaccia dough.
It's an overnight no-knead recipe with only four ingredients: bread flour, water, yeast, salt.
Took no time at all to throw together, but of course I had to clean up afterward.
Then ran some errands, took my large trombone to be repaired, practiced a little.
Tried to do a session of mindfulness therapy. Tried not to check my email for job news.
Went for a walk with Jameson in the scorching heat.
Early dinner because I had rehearsal an hour away with the party band.
It went better than I expected, mostly because everyone was very accommodating, my part had been updated with the most recent cuts and changes, and I wasn't forced to play any abstract jazz solos.
Please understand that whenever I take a "party band" or "Top 40s" or "wedding band" gig, 99.99% of the time it means being dropped into a room with nine older-than-me dudes who are used to being a room full of ALL dudes. So there are a lot of ways that things can go, not all of them pleasant for ME. Thankfully this band seemed like gentlemen, and they also seemed truly satisfied with my playing and how I fit in musically with the group. I think the gig will go well and I won't embarrass anyone, and that alone made attending the rehearsal (it was optional) worthwhile for sole purpose of calming my nerves.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, I was really tired of being tense and stressed about my job situation.
Especially since I'm paying for BetterHelp therapy which is next to useless because I can't calm down long enough to complete any of the meditation exercises.
But hey, I had some nice focaccia dough to bake.
This morning I took it out of the fridge, coated it in olive oil, and let it rise on the counter for two hours.
It didn't get as puffy as I had hoped (I like the unauthentic focaccia that looks like cake!) but I didn't want to let it sit any longer for fear of overproofing. Gave it the ol' dimple treatment with some more olive oil, rosemary, and Maldon sea salt.
Into the oven at 425°F for about 30 minutes, the last two minutes on broil to get a darker top.
The outside was crunchy and savory, the inside was super light, chewy and fluffy.
Jameson liked it a lot! He dipped a piece in oil and balsamic.
Next time I want to add more rosemary because a lot of it fell off during cutting.
Later on we went for a walk, which helped me release some nervous energy.
For dinner Jameson cooked HelloFresh miso peach pork chops, which were delicious and much appreciated.
And then....finally, after all of the stress and waiting....I got the answer I've been waiting for.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If you're an "LJ Friend" you've already had access to my private posts on my job situation, so this is for the rest of y'all.
About a month ago I was contracted with Disney to be a substitute musician on their annual Candlelight production, which is held in November and December. This means that I went through Disney's employment process and training, sent my availability for the event, and became an on-call Disney employee.
A few weeks ago, the touring company that I worked with on Tootsie called to offer me the trombone spot on the national tour of My Fair Lady. I had applied to the spot over a month ago but hadn't heard back. The tour runs from November through April.
The problem was that My Fair Lady's tour dates overlapped with Disney's Candlelight dates by almost a whole month in Nov/Dec. Note that Disney is NOT a real paying job...and My Fair Lady is. However I had already signed contracts with, and committed to, subbing for Disney. This doesn't mean I can't take other gigs; Disney can't expect substitute musicians to do nothing all winter because Disney "might" call them to fill in for an absent musician. We all still have to work and make a living. But the fact that I had already finalized with Disney did mean I had to prioritize my commitment as much as possible, while still trying to take the tour/the actual paying gig.
What I ended up doing was asking My Fair Lady to let me have a substitute trombonist for two weeks of the tour. Fortunately they were ok with that! So then I had to turn around and ask Disney if they'd be willing to reduce my Candlelight on-call availability by the OTHER two weeks. That way, both gigs would lose me for two weeks each, but neither would have to hunt down another trombonist.
My stage manager at Disney took several days to respond (I sent the email on Monday and didn't hear back until late Thursday night) and that REALLY stressed me out, because I thought it would be a simple "yes or no" and away we go. The delay made me wonder if there was a problem or if maybe she hadn't gotten my email. But finally last night she confirmed that my availability had been changed to reflect what I'd asked for.
So now I can share publicly: I'll be on tour with My Fair Lady in the fall!
And now I can FINALLY move on with my life!!! Sheesh.
Last night I sent off the signed contract for My Fair Lady, and emailed my former nursing home data entry job to ask if they could use me up through November. They can! So I will hopefully get to retrain with them next week.
I've been waiting for so long for things to stop dangling about just out of my reach, this is a huge relief.
The only thing left is FedWriters, and frankly I've kind of given up on them at this point.
If they get back to me before November, great; if not, that will be a shame. I am losing money and work this summer because of that, but there's nothing I can do, it's done.
The rest of the day was fairly chill. Jameson wasn't feeling well...we thought he'd caught my cold, and maybe he did, but mine faded away and his seems to be intensifying. I'm hoping he just has a sinus infection and not covid. In the afternoon I went out and got some new Covid tests and some ginger ale for him.
At night I drove an hour to Deland for a gig at Cafe DaVinci with the Groove Slayers.
It was a nice outdoor setup, lots of room for people to dance if they were so inclined.
I was front and center right next to the vocalist, so I went into "cruise ship mode" which is remembering to do little side-to-side dance moves, interact with the vocalist, throw some horn pops in there, and smile, smile, smile. I was dripping sweat before we even started playing, but had worn all black so it wouldn't be super obvious. I made some mistakes but so did other people, and I think none of mine were disruptive.
This kind of gig is "fun" to me in that it's engaging; challenging to interpret the messy scribbled-over charts, remember who's doing what for each song, or scrambling to cover when the bandleader shouts out a song that's not in the set list. And getting to meet and network with local musicians is fun and exciting! But other than that...there's a reason that I don't do party band gigs often. They're extroverted things, requiring a lot of social energy and stage presence, which I have only in shallow quantities. The pay is often not worth the long commutes, uncomfortable heat, time spent playing, or heckling you have to endure. I'm glad that I got to do this gig, but as I finally got home at 2am, sweaty and tired, I felt relieved that there's only one more.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday I woke up only slightly later than usual.
Had an enjoyable morning starting a new Megan's Foodie Finds for My Fair Lady.
The rest of the day was absolutely nothing.
I updated my ipad for the evening's gig, and marked through some of the MFL trombone part.
There was an Amazon delivery of B. Dylan Hollis's new cookbook, which we've been looking forward to!
It's recipes he's curated and listed by decade, most of which are unconventional by today's standards. Some are familiar (hot crossed buns) and others seem crazy but actually turn out pretty awesome (avocado pie). He even included a "Worst of the Worst" chapter with a few of the most hideous recipes he could find (think "Jello tuna". Blech.) I'm definitely making at least one of these next week.
(PS: if you don't want to buy the cookbook, his TikTok handle is @bdylanhollis and most of these recipes are there for FREE)
In the evening I drove out to Casselberry for the second gig with Groove Slayers, this time at a seedy local bar.
No stage this time, just a corner of an outdoor awning sectioned off by audio wedges.
We were pressed for space so there was less dancing around and more focus on not whacking my bandmates.
On the positive side, air circulation was much better and the lights less hot, so it felt cooler.
Also, I was asked to play not one but TWO longish solos, PLUS trade fours, and for once in my life I did well at this.
Improvisation and jazz solos are a thing that I've struggled with since I started playing the trombone. Most of my college years and early gigs were spent being sneered at by rooms full of men at every noise I made...and that wasn't even the half of it. Having no jazz experience and almost zero guidance (my oh-so-helpful teachers would say shit like, "You just gotta feel it" or "You either get it or you don't" instead of actually instructing me on jazz basics), I'd try to solo and of course it would sound like crap. I had no idea how to make it sound GOOD. So I'd be told I "wasn't a good fit," or would be sent off mid-gig to go record the band from the audience instead of performing. Once or twice I'd even be ridiculed and then sent home. And one very special time, I even had a band manager lie to me about a gig being canceled because he didn't want me to show up (I found out later that the gig had gone on as planned with a last-minute trombonist.)
So I developed a complex about playing jazz music. I believed that I was a horror at it, that I'd embarrass my bandmates if I played any kind of feature solo, and that I just didn't "get it" and never would. Fast forward to post-2017, I was able to gain confidence because I played with two wonderful bands: The Flashbacks, a party band in Kansas City that welcomed me and supported me even when my solos were not great; and the all-female Princess Cruises band, where the bass player took time to give me private improv lessons and the entire band lovingly supported my efforts every single night.
Even so, that doesn't really explain why or how I suddenly knew what to do last night. It just...happened. Usually having a bandmate nod at me to cue a solo is a moment of terror and inferiority for me. Yet somehow, last night, my brain kinda shrugged and said, "Cool," and off we went. Loads of compliments from my bandmates afterward too, which felt amazing.
39 years old, folks. Never give up.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, I woke up early despite having gotten to bed at 3am.
Had a blazing headache (not surprising after the deafening gig last night) that stuck with me all day.
In the afternoon, decided to make Lofthouse cookies.
I've been meaning to make them for a while, and figured why not scratch this cookie itch now before diving into Dylan's cookbook.
People down here often refer to these as "Publix cookies" too.
They turned out ok. The dough was very sticky...not sure if that's due to humidity or perhaps not enough flour (I didn't have the right kind.) You're supposed to roll out the dough and use a cookie cutter but the dough stuck to the rolling pin or the counter no matter what I did. So instead I had to shape and flatten them by hand. They're very good, a fluffy sugar cookie with light pink homemade buttercream.
-------------------------------------------------------------
On Monday I hope, first of all, that Jameson feels better.
And then, I have errands, therapy, and hopefully hearing from people about all that upcoming work.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 04:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-31 05:56 pm (UTC)Mine are similar I think...but the texture is not the same for a lot of reasons. I should have let the dough chill a LOT more for a better texture. Might have also needed more flour, or possibly should have incorporated some Crisco in place of some of the butter so that it would hold shape better. Florida makes a lot of things about baking REALLY annoying, especially moisture ratios in baked desserts and breads.