Female Tromboning
Nov. 1st, 2024 11:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
taz_39Felt a little contemplative about this and thought I'd write some things out.
This isn't a judgement, just an observation: I think that often people see "me" and what I do without thinking much about how I got here. Like, how a woman ended up performing the trombone at the level where I'm performing it (theme parks and touring shows mostly.)
I expect that if someone thinks about my past at all, they picture any standard music class or lesson process. I.e., "Child Begrudgingly Practices And Then Goes To Band Rehearsal" or "Child Is Bullied Into Private Lessons But Then Plot Twist: Ends Up Loving Music!"
Both of these are of course accurate; I was an average kid who liked music well enough but didn't want to practice and found it to be an annoying chore at best :p
I took piano lessons because my parents made me, and I played the clarinet because "all of my friends were doing it."
But when it comes to the trombone...first of all, when people ask me what instrument I play and I respond, "I play the trombone," the reaction is 95% of the time some form of surprise. That is because it's UNUSUAL for a woman to play the trombone. AT ALL, much less at a professional level. It's always been considered a MALE instrument (along with pretty much any low-pitched instrument like the tuba or string bass.) For whatever reason, it is culturally and socially expected that bass instruments are played by males.
There are of course exceptions, but very few. There are approximately 16 well-known female trombonists...like, throughout all of human history. And as of today, only roughly the same number of pro or semi-pro female trombonists exist. At 40 years old, I can count on one hand the number of times I've met another female trombonist in person. And I've only actually performed with another woman on trombone twice in 40 years on this earth. That's how rare we are in general, and in the music industry.
---------------------------------------------------------------
This is all to say that, although it's possible for a woman to play the trombone, there are REASONS why few do it.
One reason is of course social pressures, expectations, and constructs. Many women would have been discouraged from playing the trombone because it would seem freakish, unladylike, or bring embarrassment to one's family in some shape or form to do it. Overcoming these social pressures would be extremely difficult, and I imagine many women would not be willing to risk losing the support of their loved ones, or their social standing, over the trombone.
Another reason--and probably the bigger reason--is blatant rejection from this male-dominated instrument as well as the male-dominated music industry. An all-male ensemble does not want a change, an outlier, or someone whom they must accommodate. Having a female around means having to consider the needs of her sex. Inconvenient! When it's just men everyone can share a dressing room, and can make dirty jokes or openly scratch their balls or whatever else that men do in social groups when women aren't around.
This is, IMO, understandable. As women, don't we also want our "ladies time" sometimes? To be able to talk openly about period cramps, to rant about men, to be able to get undressed without worry or embarrassment? Both sexes want that. Totally understandable.
But the thing is: those are SOCIAL concerns, and SOCIAL needs.
A paid music ensemble is not a SOCIAL club. A tour, or Broadway show, or orchestra, involving signed contracts and people of both sexes across departments, should not be excluding people of either sex because it's socially inconvenient.
But as with any form of discrimination, that is what happens.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
And this is what I think people don't see, when they look at me/the end result that is me.
I have basically "made it" as a commercial trombonist. I've played for theme parks, tours, cruise ships, orchestras, Top 40 bands, the circus, local theaters, etc.
But when women are socially discouraged from playing the trombone....
and when my fellow trombonists are all men....
can you imagine what it has been like, pursuing the trombone and working my way up to the point where I'd be considered for work?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes I look back on my journey, and am ALSO amazed.
Honestly, how the f*ck didn't I give up after that one dude in the brass band offered to drive me home and then took me to his house instead and tried to corner me? Why didn't I drop it when the all-male trombone studio in college was posting porno pictures in our rehearsal space? Why didn't I give up when my dad screamed at me for two hours because I was going to use my own money to buy a trombone instead of putting it toward something he felt was more worthwhile?
And that's just a sampling. The times I've heard nasty remarks about myself, or endured hazing, or rejection, or belittling, for no reason other than I'm a woman and the men don't want me moving in on their work, are pretty much endless. Or the emotional pain of my parents (my dad) discouraging me because either he didn't want to face the social embarrassment of a daughter who plays a "man instrument," didn't want to invest in something he assumed was just a weird phase, or both.
When I look back on it...this is not to toot my figurative horn, but overcoming those things seems RIDICULOUSLY monumental.
In the moment(s), I remember having heated internal arguments with myself/my impostor syndrome demon each time I was rejected or belittled or assaulted. Feeling crushed when I had a teacher who touched me inappropriately instead of giving me the trombone instruction that I was paying for; or when the entire male trombone studio tittered and spread rumors about how I was placing well in auditions because I was sleeping with professors (I was a virgin until my mid-30s and never did any such.)
And the truth is, I don't totally understand how or why I didn't let myself get fully crushed. I don't know how I kept going after my mother died (she was the only person who fully supported me) or how time after time I stood up to men who went out of their way to keep me out of ensembles; to take advantage of me; to bully and belittle me and try to intimidate me away. All the times that I came back to my things to find that someone had filled my trombone with water, or put numbing gel on my mouthpiece, or written something nasty on my music. The times that my own teachers put me down or discouraged me, told me to switch to music education or therapy because according to them I would never hack it as a performer. The times my own parent looked at me in disgust or told me that my playing sounded awful, which hurt more than all of the others combined.
I became a trombonist by practicing, networking, and working hard, for sure, just like anyone else.
But there was so much more that I had to do...that I had to BE. That I had to face.
Someone asks what instrument I play. I answer, "I play the trombone."
"Oh, how cool!" or "Wow, that's unusual!" are typical responses.
And how cool indeed! I think it's cool, too :)
People look at me and see a chick who happens to play the trombone.
What they don't see are the absolute mountains of rejection, discrimination, and self-doubt that I've had to climb in order to be standing in front of them smiling and with a trombone in my hand.
Well, they don't need to see it or consider it. In fact, I don't consider it much myself!
But today I really thought about it, and was kind of amazed at where I've ended up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This isn't a judgement, just an observation: I think that often people see "me" and what I do without thinking much about how I got here. Like, how a woman ended up performing the trombone at the level where I'm performing it (theme parks and touring shows mostly.)
I expect that if someone thinks about my past at all, they picture any standard music class or lesson process. I.e., "Child Begrudgingly Practices And Then Goes To Band Rehearsal" or "Child Is Bullied Into Private Lessons But Then Plot Twist: Ends Up Loving Music!"
Both of these are of course accurate; I was an average kid who liked music well enough but didn't want to practice and found it to be an annoying chore at best :p
I took piano lessons because my parents made me, and I played the clarinet because "all of my friends were doing it."
But when it comes to the trombone...first of all, when people ask me what instrument I play and I respond, "I play the trombone," the reaction is 95% of the time some form of surprise. That is because it's UNUSUAL for a woman to play the trombone. AT ALL, much less at a professional level. It's always been considered a MALE instrument (along with pretty much any low-pitched instrument like the tuba or string bass.) For whatever reason, it is culturally and socially expected that bass instruments are played by males.
There are of course exceptions, but very few. There are approximately 16 well-known female trombonists...like, throughout all of human history. And as of today, only roughly the same number of pro or semi-pro female trombonists exist. At 40 years old, I can count on one hand the number of times I've met another female trombonist in person. And I've only actually performed with another woman on trombone twice in 40 years on this earth. That's how rare we are in general, and in the music industry.
---------------------------------------------------------------
This is all to say that, although it's possible for a woman to play the trombone, there are REASONS why few do it.
One reason is of course social pressures, expectations, and constructs. Many women would have been discouraged from playing the trombone because it would seem freakish, unladylike, or bring embarrassment to one's family in some shape or form to do it. Overcoming these social pressures would be extremely difficult, and I imagine many women would not be willing to risk losing the support of their loved ones, or their social standing, over the trombone.
Another reason--and probably the bigger reason--is blatant rejection from this male-dominated instrument as well as the male-dominated music industry. An all-male ensemble does not want a change, an outlier, or someone whom they must accommodate. Having a female around means having to consider the needs of her sex. Inconvenient! When it's just men everyone can share a dressing room, and can make dirty jokes or openly scratch their balls or whatever else that men do in social groups when women aren't around.
This is, IMO, understandable. As women, don't we also want our "ladies time" sometimes? To be able to talk openly about period cramps, to rant about men, to be able to get undressed without worry or embarrassment? Both sexes want that. Totally understandable.
But the thing is: those are SOCIAL concerns, and SOCIAL needs.
A paid music ensemble is not a SOCIAL club. A tour, or Broadway show, or orchestra, involving signed contracts and people of both sexes across departments, should not be excluding people of either sex because it's socially inconvenient.
But as with any form of discrimination, that is what happens.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
And this is what I think people don't see, when they look at me/the end result that is me.
I have basically "made it" as a commercial trombonist. I've played for theme parks, tours, cruise ships, orchestras, Top 40 bands, the circus, local theaters, etc.
But when women are socially discouraged from playing the trombone....
and when my fellow trombonists are all men....
can you imagine what it has been like, pursuing the trombone and working my way up to the point where I'd be considered for work?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes I look back on my journey, and am ALSO amazed.
Honestly, how the f*ck didn't I give up after that one dude in the brass band offered to drive me home and then took me to his house instead and tried to corner me? Why didn't I drop it when the all-male trombone studio in college was posting porno pictures in our rehearsal space? Why didn't I give up when my dad screamed at me for two hours because I was going to use my own money to buy a trombone instead of putting it toward something he felt was more worthwhile?
And that's just a sampling. The times I've heard nasty remarks about myself, or endured hazing, or rejection, or belittling, for no reason other than I'm a woman and the men don't want me moving in on their work, are pretty much endless. Or the emotional pain of my parents (my dad) discouraging me because either he didn't want to face the social embarrassment of a daughter who plays a "man instrument," didn't want to invest in something he assumed was just a weird phase, or both.
When I look back on it...this is not to toot my figurative horn, but overcoming those things seems RIDICULOUSLY monumental.
In the moment(s), I remember having heated internal arguments with myself/my impostor syndrome demon each time I was rejected or belittled or assaulted. Feeling crushed when I had a teacher who touched me inappropriately instead of giving me the trombone instruction that I was paying for; or when the entire male trombone studio tittered and spread rumors about how I was placing well in auditions because I was sleeping with professors (I was a virgin until my mid-30s and never did any such.)
And the truth is, I don't totally understand how or why I didn't let myself get fully crushed. I don't know how I kept going after my mother died (she was the only person who fully supported me) or how time after time I stood up to men who went out of their way to keep me out of ensembles; to take advantage of me; to bully and belittle me and try to intimidate me away. All the times that I came back to my things to find that someone had filled my trombone with water, or put numbing gel on my mouthpiece, or written something nasty on my music. The times that my own teachers put me down or discouraged me, told me to switch to music education or therapy because according to them I would never hack it as a performer. The times my own parent looked at me in disgust or told me that my playing sounded awful, which hurt more than all of the others combined.
I became a trombonist by practicing, networking, and working hard, for sure, just like anyone else.
But there was so much more that I had to do...that I had to BE. That I had to face.
Someone asks what instrument I play. I answer, "I play the trombone."
"Oh, how cool!" or "Wow, that's unusual!" are typical responses.
And how cool indeed! I think it's cool, too :)
People look at me and see a chick who happens to play the trombone.
What they don't see are the absolute mountains of rejection, discrimination, and self-doubt that I've had to climb in order to be standing in front of them smiling and with a trombone in my hand.
Well, they don't need to see it or consider it. In fact, I don't consider it much myself!
But today I really thought about it, and was kind of amazed at where I've ended up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
no subject
Date: 2024-11-01 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-02 09:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-01 10:07 pm (UTC)Ugh, down with the patriarchy.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-02 09:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-02 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-01 11:18 pm (UTC)(Now you mention it, there was one engineering workshop that always had a soft-porn calendar on the wall, and another one where the technician was just really creepy to all women, but all of those people were approaching retirement age and we had a sense of 'just ignore it, they're going away soon'. Though, both of these cases were at universities, where the old guys had semi-retired to... which maybe isn't what anyone wanted to show female engineering students, eh?)
I had some more positive reactions as a 'chick bassist' in your typical rock-band situations, but that in itself was a mixed blessing - like I was being pigeon-holed as mainly a decoration / feature, and that it just meant people thought I wasn't musical enough to play anything more showy. (I see it now in the choir I'm in - I just like the underpinning, structural parts, not the shiny melody stuff, no matter what I'm using to make the music.) And, of course, I've not tried to do this at anything past hobbyist level, and though I know various people who have worked as professional musicians, they're all people that have dropped out of it, because of how hard it is for anyone to stay in this as a profession.
So yes, this is really important stuff, and I wish more people saw the background and all the work behind getting to where you've got to!
no subject
Date: 2024-11-02 09:30 am (UTC)My dad had all kinds of issues, many of which trickled down onto us kids (a common theme for many children.) He had wanted to pursue football, but was injured during college and couldn't continue. So then he pursued graphic arts and had mid-success. I think perhaps because of his own life experiences he didn't want one of his kids pursuing arts and ending up hurt/disappointed like he did. But also, I believe that no parent should discourage their kid when they have no idea what their child might be capable of in the future.
We were never well off so I can understand why he did it--why he didn't want to pay for me to attend school for trombone performance. Ya know? That's an investment with high risk. But check this out: my other sister went to school for architecture, racked up twice as much student debt as me, and never finished the degree. Meanwhile I've ACTUALLY become a musician. That's not to disparage her, she ended up doing something that makes her much happier :) It's just to say that there's no predicting how things will turn out for one's kids, so trying to control their life course and ESPECIALLY trying to prevent them from taking life paths solely because the parent personally doesn't prefer it, is IMO wrong. If I had caved to my dad's wishes, I wouldn't be on tour right now. I would never have been in the circus for five years, etc. I was capable of doing this, and if I had let his authority as a parent trump what I wanted to do, I would never have made it. Parents have SUCH power over their kid's lives, and I wish they would consider that more carefully.
RE: the engineering workshop: so, imagine also why so many women have not been in STEM up until now. It's not JUST that they were discouraged because it was male-dominated, but also that if they broke through that wall, they found themselves in an environment that screamed, every day, "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE" or "Your coworkers don't view you as an equal." And facing that 365 days a year just so you can do what you want to do for a living. Having to accept that this is how your dream job IS. They don't want you here but if you want to be an engineer, too bad, you will have to look at porn and tolerate all kinds of nasty things every day just because you have a vagina.
RE: being a "chick bassist": I can relate. Being a novelty first, and then the "bonus" of actually being a decent musician coming second to that all the time. I've also been hired specifically because I was female, not because of my musical abilities, which in some settings is understandable (needing to pair band members in shared rooms) and in other settings is just offensive (we want the visual of a chick in our band and then get the added bonus of she can play the instrument well too). I still don't like it when people act surprised when I'm on a gig and can play as well as anyone else there. Like when the trumpet player turns to me and goes, "Hey, you really CAN play!" like he's just realizing I'm a musician who was qualified for the gig as well. Sigh.
Anyway sorry for the long response ^^; Thanks for the kudos and relatability!
no subject
Date: 2024-11-02 09:46 am (UTC)