October Layoff Week 2: Ain't Family Great + Epic Universe Rehearsal (2)

[taz_39]

WEDNESDAY

I slept poorly and woke up in a sour mood. "Hormones?" I asked myself.

Then I remembered. It's October 8th.
That's the day my dad "suddenly" died of Covid because he refused to vaccinate.

Public post + obituary is HERE.
Friends Only documentation of the funeral, my thoughts, misc rants, and multiple posts on the aftermath begin HERE.
The night I got the call that my dad had died, HERE, followed by multiple introspects, all Friends Only.

And so I don't have to type it all out again, here's THIS POST briefly describing why this week in October is particularly hard on myself and my siblings.

TL;DR our mom died on 10/09/01 of pancreatic cancer which took her only four months after diagnosis;
our dad died nearly exactly 20 years later (today 10/08/21);
our grandpa died on 10/10/24;
and our parents' wedding anniversary was also 10/13 which isn't particularly notable except it's kinda weird how all of these deaths + their wedding date are crammed into this one week in October.

I often joke with my siblings that we should reserve our October death dates now, since they're such a hot item :p

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Needless to say I woke up anxious and wishing I could spend all day under the covers. Not just because of the above but also because I don't WANNA do Epic Universe tomorrow! *throws tantrum*

Eventually I got up and around, exchanged condolence and support texts with my sisters and stepmom, then

• Ate breakfast
  
• Popped over to the grocery for pork tenderloins and other ingredients for dinner
• Made a marinade for the loins and a mustard cream sauce
• Practiced both bass and tenor/Epic Universe stuff
• Packed lunch and snacks and a bag for tomorrow
• Lunch
• Lazed around for a solid hour and a half because I was feeling cranky
• Chatted via text with my step-grandma, who of course wants to talk about her husband with his death anniversary coming up
• Rotted my brain with a bunch of Alastor/Hazbin Hotel plot and lore theories
  
• Worked on Foodie Finds

For dinner I made us pork tenderloins that had been marinating all day in honey, salt and pepper, garlic, thyme, and mustard. Seared 'em and threw 'em in the oven, and while that happened I made mashed potatoes and frozen French-cut green beans. I messed up the mustard sauce: it was made of cream, two kinds of mustard, tarragon, parsley, and salt and pepper, but one comment on the recipe said to pour drippings from the pan in there too so I did...all of it. Should NOT have done that, it turned out far too watery. So, I told Jameson to call it a "mustard au jus" :p

It still turned out fantastic, with the pork being perfectly cooked and moist and tender and very flavorful. Jameson said it's the best one I've made, and I agree. Therefore it's a good thing that I made two! I sliced one and froze it for Jameson to enjoy while I'm gone. (Or if he forgets it'll be a treat for ME when I get back.) I should've taken a picture I suppose, oh well.

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THURSDAY

Jameson was up at 7:30 for Disney and I got up with him so I could sit around and fret about Epic for a while. Chatted with my siblings via text about our mom's death, since today is THAT anniversary. At the very least while I'm making a fool of myself at Epic today, I can imagine her cheering me on.

The one nice thing about these half-day rehearsals is that I don't have to leave until 11-ish. I got there early under the assumption that my ID badge wouldn't work, but security told me it's active through the end of the year! How nice. Once in the break room I was greeted by several of the Hogwarts / Beauxbaton / Ilvermorny "students" and some "living paintings" who were hanging out. The jazz trio was out on a set. I ate my packed lunch, then went on a hunt for my makeup bag and touched base with Brendan (management) to see if there was anything I needed to know (nope.) Put my makeup on and checked on my costume, lucky I did because they gave me someone else's skirt and the wrong shirt too. BUT I've gotten new shoes to wear, how nice! My other ones were pretty beat up from those hot summers prancing around on cobblestone. 

Back in the break room, the trio was back so we caught up with each others' doings. They kindly ran over the script with me once to make sure I remembered it (I do), and then we piled downstairs for the set, but it started raining immediately. Yay! Mariah (the primary trombonist/"Phillipa") asked if I'd be willing to play the next three shows without having audited her show first, and of course I was happy to, I don't need to see the show to do it :p 

(I took this pic while waiting for the 2pm set but when it started drizzling I quickly ran inside)

None of the other sets got rained out, so I got to do all three. I was weirdly calm...I like to think it's because of my mother's influence, thinking of her today as it's the anniversary of her death. It was also nicely cloudy and breezy all day, which made it SO, SO, SO much more comfortable to perform! 

All of the sets went just fine. I received a lot of flattery about my playing and character portrayal and all that which always feels nice. Though I hadn't wanted to do an Epic brush-up rehearsal today, I HAD wanted to see my friends, and was very glad that everyone's still happy and enjoying the gig :) 

Mariah followed us out to the final set of the day and took this little clip of us.

Watch on YouTube

I was focusing a lot on posture, gestures, and facial expressions today, so was grateful for this footage as it's informative for me. Not that I'll get to do this very often, but it's relevant to the public speaking endeavors that I'm making lately. 

Overall it was a lovely day. I fought traffic to Whole Paycheck (absolutely horrible...it took nearly 30 minutes to go less that 2 miles / 3.2km !!!) where I got wings for us for the weekend and sushi for dinner. Got home around 7 and we had a late dinner together and told each other about our day. 

In closing, a little spoiler for you. This bird is in the Cirque Arcanus stage show, but it's almost constantly broken. It hangs out in one of the rehearsal rooms so I see it a lot. I love the detail of it's face. Someone put a lot of effort into this puppet. 

**DO NOT copy or share my backstage photos.**

**DO NOT copy or share my backstage photos.**

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Friday: Cooking something for dinner, not sure what. Practice, laundry.

Saturday: Probably more of the same and touch-up cleaning.

Sunday: Last day at home before heading to East Lansing, MI to continue the tour.

Comments

[sparkythegeek]

*hugs* Those death anniversaries can sure do a whopper on the living.

Now that I know where Epic is in relation to Whole Paycheck, I can totally see why there would be so much traffic. That area was bad even years before Epic was added to the mix! Ugh.

[taz_39]

It might not be so bad if they were spread out a little, but having my mom and dad's death dates back to back is...well, it's something. And today is my grandpa's, which is a little easier to face because he got to have an actual lifespan as opposed to both of my parents.

Yeah, Epic (and the other Universal parks) are just a few miles from that Whole Paycheck. And it's not just that, they've also torn up the entire intersection in that direction and the lanes are extremely confusing, so at least 50% of the delays are caused by people diving over into the I-4 lane because they didn't realize (two miles ago and with no signage) that they HAVE to be in the left lane for I-4. AND the ramp is immediately after a traffic light so of course the confusion backs up THROUGH the light....sigh. It's a JOY I tell you. I could powerwalk there in the same amount of time.

And yeah you're right, it was already horrible before all of that and now it's just impossible. If it weren't for the fact that it's a 40-minute drive from my house, I wouldn't have done it.

[pineapple_sour]

I'd have to do some digging back to actually verify my gut feeling here, but I just want to say that it feels like your tone and confidence about your brush up rehearsal versus when you started your Epic gig is vastly different (in a good way). I don't know if you actually felt as confident during your rehearsal as you present here, but I hope you did because it's wonderful to see that growth - at least in writing.

I don't blame you for having feelings about October. Grief anniversaries are always strange to navigate, and it does sound like October has them grouped together for you.

[taz_39]

Well...at this point I've been doing this gig for ten months. So...yeah, I would sort of hope that I'd have more confidence now than when I started. I think that would naturally occur with any activity that someone practiced consistently, i.e. it would be extremely concerning if you took swimming classes for ten months, and ten months later were no better or more confident at swimming than on day one, right?

Probably less to do with confidence and more to do with being able to relax, because it just doesn't matter. I'm only at Epic for a HALF day every 2-3 months. As long as I'm on tour I'm never going to be called to actually WORK here again. Literally in 3 days I'll be in Wisconsin. So why be nervous? May as well relax and enjoy dancing like a goober in my dress. If they don't like how I perform by now it's WAY past time for anyone to say something about it. And they wouldn't throw me out there in front of an audience for one random day every 2-3 months with absolutely zero prep if they didn't think I were capable of it.

You're right, I was totally not confident at all at the start of this. I was scared shitless :) But so are most people trying something new for the first time.

Having my mom's and dad's death anniversaries back to back is what's tough. If you can imagine what it would be like. And they both died of illness, and before the age of 65. I'm approaching the age my mom was when she died, so there's a lot to think about.