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Woof, Monday.
I managed to sleep, though I woke up excited or anxious a few times due to Thing I Can't Discuss Yet.
After breakfast (which I barely tasted) I worked on data entry stuff while waiting for a phone call.
It came eventually, and then afterward a packet of audition materials which I downloaded right away.
At first glance I was intimidated by the audition materials.
There was a LOT, and some of it was for bass trombone which I haven't played for a decade.
But, fear is a good motivator.
I'm afraid of doing poorly; of ruining this opportunity; of rejection.
I fear that they'll watch my audition video and say, ugh, whose idea was it to contact HER?
I'm afraid that by NOT practicing bass trombone every day forever (even though I've only had one bass gig in my whole life) I've somehow ruined this entire chance.
But my motto is, fear is a terrible foundation for any decision.
I could choose NOT to take the audition. Problem solved! Fear avoided. And a lot less work too.
But avoiding "the hard part" out of fear means saddling yourself with a much heavier burden of guilt and regret and "what-ifs" later on.
No thanks!
So, today was spent in the spare bedroom working on the music.
I sounded like garbage of course, haven't played since the tour ended.
But I did my best, and the music was not as intimidating by the time I was done.
Jameson and I ate lunch and I did some more data entry, then back to practicing.
Dinner. I cleaned the bathrooms. Jameson went to rehearsal.
Back to practicing.
Jameson is going to help me set up for the recording aspect of things tomorrow.
My plan is not to "officially" record tomorrow, but I will record throughout the day on the off chance that I catch a good take.
Oh, also the slimes that I ordered from TikTok arrived today!
They are both awesome! They smell fantastic.
The Oreo one is for Jameson, he was both pleased and weirded out by the crunchy Oreo bits.
His slime smells just like cookies and cream! It was a bit runny, so I'll have to research what to do about that so he can handle it better.
Mine is Planet Drool, and it looks like a galaxy in a jar.
The one I originally wanted was similar and was called Northern Lights, but it sold out in a flash.
This one is still so cool! It was easier to handle than Jameson's and had all sorts of irridescent colors in it, and little silver rocket ships, UFOs, planets, and stars. It smells kind of like pineapple.
They'll just be fun to play with once in a while, maybe when we're feeling stressed.
And they're beautiful to look at.
If you're interested, the shop is called pilotslime and she restocks on a specific day each month, announced on IG or TikTok.
----------------------------------------------------
Tuesday. I slept poorly again because my brain likes to torment me with unrealized possibilities.
I got up at 8:30, resolved to record some good takes today so I can have a good night of sleep.
Maybe I'll even get the whole thing done, who knows.
Jameson had helped me set up a little amp in the spare bedroom, because this music is better played with accompaniment.
It was also storming like CRAZY last night, I was relieved when I heard Jameson's car pulling into the garage after rehearsal.
No one needed to be driving in that!
My friend donnad said there were 2 1/4 inches of rain over the course of I think two hours, and then it kept raining for a while after that.
Jameson had a car appointment and while he was out I managed to get like 80% of my excerpts recorded.
They're very not perfect, but unfortunately I don't have more than one additional day for nitpicking.
My Tootsie contract could come any day, so it was more important that I turn these materials around quickly.
I wish I sounded better. I wish I'd practiced during the break. I wish I had the whole week, instead of a few days.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
After lunch I wrapped up the last few excerpts, then spent the next two hours editing video and uploading to YouTube (it shouldn't have taken that long but I'm an idiot when it comes to video editing). I wrote a nice email and dropped the link in there and sent it off.
Mission accomplished. Now I wait and see if anything changes, or if things stay the same.
--------------------------------------------------------
Woke up and had breakfast and got a nice rejection letter from Thing I Can't Discuss.
So, ok...it was an audition for the Broadway tour of Aladdin.
Lots of thoughts and emotions on getting rejected for this opportunity, but in the end it's no surprise.
(I've never won an audition.)
What was surprising was being asked to audition at all.
So I'm very grateful for that. Not many people can say they got the chance.
Could I have done better? Yes, with another week of practice; and if I had been more of a bass trombonist; and if maybe I hadn't been feeling the pressure of being partially committed to Tootsie. I might have done better.
But still, even then, would I have been good enough?
I doubt it.
Again, I'm incredibly grateful that the opportunity came.
But, for today, I couldn't help but feel disappointed and rather down on myself.
Well...I took my mopey self to Whole Paycheck to get the ingredients for shrimp po'boys tonight.
Usually I enjoy shopping at upscale groceries, but having wasted money on pins and slimes this week, and then having lost the audition, I was feeling pretty disappointed with myself. I just grabbed what I needed and got back home.
Made the marinade for the shrimp and two different aiolis, one for the po'boys and one for the sweet potato fries.
Packed breakfast and lunch for tomorrow's court reporting, and did as much data entry work as I could.
The whole time I was kind of flowing through a bunch of feelings and thoughts.
Eventually I settled on a perspective that I came across, cornily enough, on a TikTok.
It was someone who pointed out that the things that we consider "bad" or "failures" might seem bad in the moment, but could be necessary events in order for better things to happen later on in life.
I know, I know. The lies we tell ourselves, right? :p
But, thinking about it that way did put me in a better frame of mind.
Making the po'boys was easy.
Marinated the shrimp for 20 minutes in a blend of spices, lemon juice, sauces, and olive oil.
Grilled them using the grill pan. My recipe calls for them to be tossed in butter sauce after grilling but I don't like that addition, it's oily and flavorless. So instead I poured the marinade into a saucepan and thickened it with a little corn starch. It coated the shrimp nicely.
Toasted the rolls and spread them with the aioli, which was made with relish, capers, shallot, black pepper, mustard, Worchestershire, and a little hot sauce. Added the grilled shrimp.
Topped with shredded lettuce and tomato. Meanwhile I had sweet potato fries in the air fryer, they were done in minutes.
Served with a sriracha honey aioli dipping sauce.
After dinner, of course, ironically, I finally got my Tootsie contract.
But this also made me feel better.
I'm still musically wanted somewhere. I still get to go on tour and experience some exciting new things.
I still get to enjoy a few months of reasonable pay, and saving a little money.
I'm still disappointed. But grateful.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, back to discount court reporting.
It was a wasted day. I got paid for two hearings and all the rest were no-shows. I like this job, but it is not sustainable and unless things have drastically changed when this tour is over I’ll not be coming back.
During breaks I went to Target, walked in a big circle around the SS building in the 100-degree heat, and commiserated with my sister Raven about rejection (she’s a writer so she gets it.)
I populated my Amazon shopping list with a handful of items for tour, some of which are needed and others that are just convenient.
Detergent sheets; face wash; travel-sized can opener = necessities.
A portable phone charger because of the one time I got trapped at a grocery in Memphis at night with 5% phone charge left and no Uber would come for me.
A vacuum-sealed container for my coffee because I have tried every cheaper option to no avail, and now I give up.
A resistance band because I know I’m too lazy to go to the gym but maybe not too lazy for 10 minutes of resistance each day.
A portable food scale, maybe. It’s not a necessity so I haven’t committed.
No court reporting for like four days, so here are some goals for the week:
- cook two meals
- sort through belongings and take things to thrift store
- write letter of resignation
- clean the shower (urgh boooo hate this chore)
- at least 15 hours of data entry work
- make coconut lime rumsicles!!
In closing...would you like to hear my audition?
There are lots of mistakes, especially on the larger trombone.
But anyway, this is a pretty normal way to send in an audition, in case you were curious.
They ALWAYS want a video to confirm it's you, and sometimes to see your technique.
I managed to sleep, though I woke up excited or anxious a few times due to Thing I Can't Discuss Yet.
After breakfast (which I barely tasted) I worked on data entry stuff while waiting for a phone call.
It came eventually, and then afterward a packet of audition materials which I downloaded right away.
At first glance I was intimidated by the audition materials.
There was a LOT, and some of it was for bass trombone which I haven't played for a decade.
But, fear is a good motivator.
I'm afraid of doing poorly; of ruining this opportunity; of rejection.
I fear that they'll watch my audition video and say, ugh, whose idea was it to contact HER?
I'm afraid that by NOT practicing bass trombone every day forever (even though I've only had one bass gig in my whole life) I've somehow ruined this entire chance.
But my motto is, fear is a terrible foundation for any decision.
I could choose NOT to take the audition. Problem solved! Fear avoided. And a lot less work too.
But avoiding "the hard part" out of fear means saddling yourself with a much heavier burden of guilt and regret and "what-ifs" later on.
No thanks!
So, today was spent in the spare bedroom working on the music.
I sounded like garbage of course, haven't played since the tour ended.
But I did my best, and the music was not as intimidating by the time I was done.
Jameson and I ate lunch and I did some more data entry, then back to practicing.
Dinner. I cleaned the bathrooms. Jameson went to rehearsal.
Back to practicing.
Jameson is going to help me set up for the recording aspect of things tomorrow.
My plan is not to "officially" record tomorrow, but I will record throughout the day on the off chance that I catch a good take.
Oh, also the slimes that I ordered from TikTok arrived today!
https://instagram.com/p/CgvRREis5bS
They are both awesome! They smell fantastic.
The Oreo one is for Jameson, he was both pleased and weirded out by the crunchy Oreo bits.
His slime smells just like cookies and cream! It was a bit runny, so I'll have to research what to do about that so he can handle it better.
Mine is Planet Drool, and it looks like a galaxy in a jar.
The one I originally wanted was similar and was called Northern Lights, but it sold out in a flash.
This one is still so cool! It was easier to handle than Jameson's and had all sorts of irridescent colors in it, and little silver rocket ships, UFOs, planets, and stars. It smells kind of like pineapple.
They'll just be fun to play with once in a while, maybe when we're feeling stressed.
And they're beautiful to look at.
If you're interested, the shop is called pilotslime and she restocks on a specific day each month, announced on IG or TikTok.
----------------------------------------------------
Tuesday. I slept poorly again because my brain likes to torment me with unrealized possibilities.
I got up at 8:30, resolved to record some good takes today so I can have a good night of sleep.
Maybe I'll even get the whole thing done, who knows.
Jameson had helped me set up a little amp in the spare bedroom, because this music is better played with accompaniment.
It was also storming like CRAZY last night, I was relieved when I heard Jameson's car pulling into the garage after rehearsal.
No one needed to be driving in that!
My friend donnad said there were 2 1/4 inches of rain over the course of I think two hours, and then it kept raining for a while after that.
Jameson had a car appointment and while he was out I managed to get like 80% of my excerpts recorded.
They're very not perfect, but unfortunately I don't have more than one additional day for nitpicking.
My Tootsie contract could come any day, so it was more important that I turn these materials around quickly.
I wish I sounded better. I wish I'd practiced during the break. I wish I had the whole week, instead of a few days.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
After lunch I wrapped up the last few excerpts, then spent the next two hours editing video and uploading to YouTube (it shouldn't have taken that long but I'm an idiot when it comes to video editing). I wrote a nice email and dropped the link in there and sent it off.
Mission accomplished. Now I wait and see if anything changes, or if things stay the same.
--------------------------------------------------------
Woke up and had breakfast and got a nice rejection letter from Thing I Can't Discuss.
So, ok...it was an audition for the Broadway tour of Aladdin.
Lots of thoughts and emotions on getting rejected for this opportunity, but in the end it's no surprise.
(I've never won an audition.)
What was surprising was being asked to audition at all.
So I'm very grateful for that. Not many people can say they got the chance.
Could I have done better? Yes, with another week of practice; and if I had been more of a bass trombonist; and if maybe I hadn't been feeling the pressure of being partially committed to Tootsie. I might have done better.
But still, even then, would I have been good enough?
I doubt it.
Again, I'm incredibly grateful that the opportunity came.
But, for today, I couldn't help but feel disappointed and rather down on myself.
Well...I took my mopey self to Whole Paycheck to get the ingredients for shrimp po'boys tonight.
Usually I enjoy shopping at upscale groceries, but having wasted money on pins and slimes this week, and then having lost the audition, I was feeling pretty disappointed with myself. I just grabbed what I needed and got back home.
Made the marinade for the shrimp and two different aiolis, one for the po'boys and one for the sweet potato fries.
Packed breakfast and lunch for tomorrow's court reporting, and did as much data entry work as I could.
The whole time I was kind of flowing through a bunch of feelings and thoughts.
Eventually I settled on a perspective that I came across, cornily enough, on a TikTok.
It was someone who pointed out that the things that we consider "bad" or "failures" might seem bad in the moment, but could be necessary events in order for better things to happen later on in life.
I know, I know. The lies we tell ourselves, right? :p
But, thinking about it that way did put me in a better frame of mind.
Making the po'boys was easy.
Marinated the shrimp for 20 minutes in a blend of spices, lemon juice, sauces, and olive oil.
Grilled them using the grill pan. My recipe calls for them to be tossed in butter sauce after grilling but I don't like that addition, it's oily and flavorless. So instead I poured the marinade into a saucepan and thickened it with a little corn starch. It coated the shrimp nicely.
Toasted the rolls and spread them with the aioli, which was made with relish, capers, shallot, black pepper, mustard, Worchestershire, and a little hot sauce. Added the grilled shrimp.
Topped with shredded lettuce and tomato. Meanwhile I had sweet potato fries in the air fryer, they were done in minutes.
Served with a sriracha honey aioli dipping sauce.
After dinner, of course, ironically, I finally got my Tootsie contract.
But this also made me feel better.
I'm still musically wanted somewhere. I still get to go on tour and experience some exciting new things.
I still get to enjoy a few months of reasonable pay, and saving a little money.
I'm still disappointed. But grateful.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, back to discount court reporting.
It was a wasted day. I got paid for two hearings and all the rest were no-shows. I like this job, but it is not sustainable and unless things have drastically changed when this tour is over I’ll not be coming back.
During breaks I went to Target, walked in a big circle around the SS building in the 100-degree heat, and commiserated with my sister Raven about rejection (she’s a writer so she gets it.)
I populated my Amazon shopping list with a handful of items for tour, some of which are needed and others that are just convenient.
Detergent sheets; face wash; travel-sized can opener = necessities.
A portable phone charger because of the one time I got trapped at a grocery in Memphis at night with 5% phone charge left and no Uber would come for me.
A vacuum-sealed container for my coffee because I have tried every cheaper option to no avail, and now I give up.
A resistance band because I know I’m too lazy to go to the gym but maybe not too lazy for 10 minutes of resistance each day.
A portable food scale, maybe. It’s not a necessity so I haven’t committed.
No court reporting for like four days, so here are some goals for the week:
- cook two meals
- sort through belongings and take things to thrift store
- write letter of resignation
- clean the shower (urgh boooo hate this chore)
- at least 15 hours of data entry work
- make coconut lime rumsicles!!
In closing...would you like to hear my audition?
There are lots of mistakes, especially on the larger trombone.
But anyway, this is a pretty normal way to send in an audition, in case you were curious.
They ALWAYS want a video to confirm it's you, and sometimes to see your technique.
