![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
What is Normalcy
Sep. 21st, 2021 09:55 pmThe crazy events of Saturday left me reeling. And I'm not even the one with the kidney stone.
First thing Sunday morning after making sure Jameson was still alive (he had a terribly rough night), I unpacked the new computer and got to work setting everything up. It only took about an hour because so much is stored in the ether any more.
After lunch I reinstalled my steno software and got it to recognize my machine, then did a little steno practice.
I should have done tests, but tbh even though I'M not the one who's sick, I'm terribly worried about Jameson and way too stressed and distracted with all that's going on. It's hard for me to even think about packing. What if he's not better by the time it's time for me to go? What should I do then??
Trying to wait until we get to that bridge to cross it.
After steno, some trombone practice. I didn't run through the show but instead focused on some trouble spots, playing them slowly and then faster and up to tempo. Around that time I also got a link to a new tour website, where I'll be able to access the route sheets for each city and see important info about how to get into each theater, where laundromats are, where buses will pick us up, etc.
For a while Jameson seemed to be better and was thinking about trying to perform with his band tonight, but shortly thereafter he took a turn. That's the problem with kidney stones, you have no control over the pain. Every time the stone shifts, agony. I had planned to make manicotti for dinner but am worried the smell might make him nauseous, plus he won't want to eat much until this stone is out. It'll probably be very simple food around here for at least a few days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, I am still waking up at 6:30, my body all confused about whether it's time for work.
Careful not to wake Jameson, I made myself breakfast and did a little goofing off online.
The bedroom door popped open, and Jameson came prancing out. Yes, PRANCING.
Although the kidney stone isn't out yet, it has shifted somewhere (probably his bladder) where it's causing much less pain.
That's great! I'm so freaking glad!! I'm a worst-case-scenario kind of person, and it has been very scary to see him in so much pain.
It's not over yet, but this is progress.
After breakfast I took myself back to Best Buy to see about replacing the hard drive for my old computer.
Unfortunately the Geek Squad counter was PACKED with the 55+ crowd. Not sure if a senior living bus had come through this morning or if that was just the demographic of the hour, but either way I wasn't going to be able to see anyone that day. I made an appointment to come back tomorrow, picked up a new wireless mouse for my new computer, and left.
Next stop was the car detailing place, where I didn't get a full-on detail but rather just a very thorough vacuuming + car wash.
I vacuum my car myself, but there are places that I can't reach with the vacuum I have.
Then to the thrift store to drop off a bag of donations, then to the grocery for some things I'd forgotten earlier in the week.
Back home I ate lunch, practiced trombone for a bit, made an appointment for my rapid covid test, and wrote some emails to friends and family. I was supposed to clean the lanai but wasn't really feeling it, so had a beer instead (I drink beer very rarely, but we have a lot right now so I'm doing my part.) The beer was nice, but surprisingly having a nice buzz was just the motivation I needed to clean the lanai after all. As I was scrubbing, Jameson came out to let me know he was leaving for his Epcot gig. Hopefully he'll pull through it all right!
The lanai took about 90 minutes, here is the before:
And here is the after:
I went back inside, got a shower, had dinner and a big giant glass of water, ice cream for dessert.
My steno class had been cancelled because my teacher has some issues of her own to deal with (what is it with this week?) so I took a little time to myself to watch some YouTube before doing about an hour of steno.
Jameson came home and seemed fine, but as the night wore on it became apparent that something was wrong: he was unable to urinate. So back to the ER, I didn't go with him but hung back in case they decided to admit him, in which case I figured it might be good to be able to gather things at the house for us. I made up two hospital bags, and waited. Jameson got a catheter, some morphine, and a prescription for something for bladder spasms, then was sent back home around 3am.
I just want this to be over for him. If it's stressful for me, I can't imagine being the one actually suffering the pain.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, I felt so stressed. Jameson at least is not in pain, just uncomfortable.
I spent my morning trying to get him a urology appointment. God DAMN our health care system. Everyone had a different excuse not to take him. One place had no openings until November. Another complained that he'd have to take the catheter out because AdventHealth had put it in and that was "a liability". Another insisted on having his scans before making an appointment, and another said he'd have to have the catheter in for at least a week before he could be seen. I was on the verge of tears by that last call. How the hell do people get appointments? Is there a secret code word? Because having a medical emergency and an ER referral apparently isn't enough!!
The final receptionist that I spoke to had pity, because she did at least manage to make us an appointment for Monday afternoon. It's double booked, I'm not sure what that means for Jameson but if he can even just get the imaging to the urologist maybe he can get some help. A week later.
These are the times that I get really, really livid about paying thousands of dollars into SS and Medicare so that other people can get medical care, but not me, not us. I'm sure it's all more complex than that, but I can't help but feel angry when someone I care about needs help and can't get that help.
Anyway, after I managed to get the one appointment, I ran to Walgreens to get Jameson's prescription. By the time I got home he was pretty much awake, and not surprisingly irritated about having to wear a catheter for an entire week. The ER had told him to be seen in the next 48 hours.
I wanted to distract myself, so practiced steno for about an hour. The semester ends this week and I only have two tests available to take. I was tempted to just take them and fail them and be done. The pressure at this point is just too much. If I don't pass both of the tests, I will have to take the 100wpm class for a third semester, and on a machine I'm not familiar with, while in rehearsals for tour. It's just too G-D much right now. I didn't take the tests yet, but I will by Friday. I don't think it's possible to pass, but I'll just do my best and watch the money leave my bank account. It's that or quit...and while quitting is a legitimate option, I'm not ready to make that decision yet.
After lunch I rescheduled my covid test appointment based on Jameson's appointment. Then I drove over to a local arts school, where I had rented a practice room for the day. Actually it was a little recording booth.
Practice was "ok". I ran through the whole show (not the dialogue parts) with mute changes and using my bluetooth pedal. I also worked on the bebop solo in the entr'acte a few times, and while it wasn't as good as I'd like I think it's "passing" for starting rehearsals.
I. Hate. Improv.
On the way home I picked up Target sushi for dinner. Jameson was talking to his parents when I got back. When they were done catching up we ate dinner together while watching Halloween Wars.
So now we wait some more.
I should be excited about going on tour, but after the past several days I'm afraid to think or breathe.
I'm going to keep acting like everything will be ok but I just don't know what's going to happen with any of this.
It's too much going on at once.
First thing Sunday morning after making sure Jameson was still alive (he had a terribly rough night), I unpacked the new computer and got to work setting everything up. It only took about an hour because so much is stored in the ether any more.
After lunch I reinstalled my steno software and got it to recognize my machine, then did a little steno practice.
I should have done tests, but tbh even though I'M not the one who's sick, I'm terribly worried about Jameson and way too stressed and distracted with all that's going on. It's hard for me to even think about packing. What if he's not better by the time it's time for me to go? What should I do then??
Trying to wait until we get to that bridge to cross it.
After steno, some trombone practice. I didn't run through the show but instead focused on some trouble spots, playing them slowly and then faster and up to tempo. Around that time I also got a link to a new tour website, where I'll be able to access the route sheets for each city and see important info about how to get into each theater, where laundromats are, where buses will pick us up, etc.
For a while Jameson seemed to be better and was thinking about trying to perform with his band tonight, but shortly thereafter he took a turn. That's the problem with kidney stones, you have no control over the pain. Every time the stone shifts, agony. I had planned to make manicotti for dinner but am worried the smell might make him nauseous, plus he won't want to eat much until this stone is out. It'll probably be very simple food around here for at least a few days.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, I am still waking up at 6:30, my body all confused about whether it's time for work.
Careful not to wake Jameson, I made myself breakfast and did a little goofing off online.
The bedroom door popped open, and Jameson came prancing out. Yes, PRANCING.
Although the kidney stone isn't out yet, it has shifted somewhere (probably his bladder) where it's causing much less pain.
That's great! I'm so freaking glad!! I'm a worst-case-scenario kind of person, and it has been very scary to see him in so much pain.
It's not over yet, but this is progress.
After breakfast I took myself back to Best Buy to see about replacing the hard drive for my old computer.
Unfortunately the Geek Squad counter was PACKED with the 55+ crowd. Not sure if a senior living bus had come through this morning or if that was just the demographic of the hour, but either way I wasn't going to be able to see anyone that day. I made an appointment to come back tomorrow, picked up a new wireless mouse for my new computer, and left.
Next stop was the car detailing place, where I didn't get a full-on detail but rather just a very thorough vacuuming + car wash.
I vacuum my car myself, but there are places that I can't reach with the vacuum I have.
Then to the thrift store to drop off a bag of donations, then to the grocery for some things I'd forgotten earlier in the week.
Back home I ate lunch, practiced trombone for a bit, made an appointment for my rapid covid test, and wrote some emails to friends and family. I was supposed to clean the lanai but wasn't really feeling it, so had a beer instead (I drink beer very rarely, but we have a lot right now so I'm doing my part.) The beer was nice, but surprisingly having a nice buzz was just the motivation I needed to clean the lanai after all. As I was scrubbing, Jameson came out to let me know he was leaving for his Epcot gig. Hopefully he'll pull through it all right!
The lanai took about 90 minutes, here is the before:
And here is the after:
I went back inside, got a shower, had dinner and a big giant glass of water, ice cream for dessert.
My steno class had been cancelled because my teacher has some issues of her own to deal with (what is it with this week?) so I took a little time to myself to watch some YouTube before doing about an hour of steno.
Jameson came home and seemed fine, but as the night wore on it became apparent that something was wrong: he was unable to urinate. So back to the ER, I didn't go with him but hung back in case they decided to admit him, in which case I figured it might be good to be able to gather things at the house for us. I made up two hospital bags, and waited. Jameson got a catheter, some morphine, and a prescription for something for bladder spasms, then was sent back home around 3am.
I just want this to be over for him. If it's stressful for me, I can't imagine being the one actually suffering the pain.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, I felt so stressed. Jameson at least is not in pain, just uncomfortable.
I spent my morning trying to get him a urology appointment. God DAMN our health care system. Everyone had a different excuse not to take him. One place had no openings until November. Another complained that he'd have to take the catheter out because AdventHealth had put it in and that was "a liability". Another insisted on having his scans before making an appointment, and another said he'd have to have the catheter in for at least a week before he could be seen. I was on the verge of tears by that last call. How the hell do people get appointments? Is there a secret code word? Because having a medical emergency and an ER referral apparently isn't enough!!
The final receptionist that I spoke to had pity, because she did at least manage to make us an appointment for Monday afternoon. It's double booked, I'm not sure what that means for Jameson but if he can even just get the imaging to the urologist maybe he can get some help. A week later.
These are the times that I get really, really livid about paying thousands of dollars into SS and Medicare so that other people can get medical care, but not me, not us. I'm sure it's all more complex than that, but I can't help but feel angry when someone I care about needs help and can't get that help.
Anyway, after I managed to get the one appointment, I ran to Walgreens to get Jameson's prescription. By the time I got home he was pretty much awake, and not surprisingly irritated about having to wear a catheter for an entire week. The ER had told him to be seen in the next 48 hours.
I wanted to distract myself, so practiced steno for about an hour. The semester ends this week and I only have two tests available to take. I was tempted to just take them and fail them and be done. The pressure at this point is just too much. If I don't pass both of the tests, I will have to take the 100wpm class for a third semester, and on a machine I'm not familiar with, while in rehearsals for tour. It's just too G-D much right now. I didn't take the tests yet, but I will by Friday. I don't think it's possible to pass, but I'll just do my best and watch the money leave my bank account. It's that or quit...and while quitting is a legitimate option, I'm not ready to make that decision yet.
After lunch I rescheduled my covid test appointment based on Jameson's appointment. Then I drove over to a local arts school, where I had rented a practice room for the day. Actually it was a little recording booth.
Practice was "ok". I ran through the whole show (not the dialogue parts) with mute changes and using my bluetooth pedal. I also worked on the bebop solo in the entr'acte a few times, and while it wasn't as good as I'd like I think it's "passing" for starting rehearsals.
I. Hate. Improv.
On the way home I picked up Target sushi for dinner. Jameson was talking to his parents when I got back. When they were done catching up we ate dinner together while watching Halloween Wars.
So now we wait some more.
I should be excited about going on tour, but after the past several days I'm afraid to think or breathe.
I'm going to keep acting like everything will be ok but I just don't know what's going to happen with any of this.
It's too much going on at once.
